Distance is a tough obstacle to face in a relationship and sadly, not everyone can cope with being far apart from the person they love for extended periods of time. For some, the relationship can become stale, empty or you can start to feel very distant from one another. But how do you know when it’s time to throw in the towel on your LDR?
Here are 10 warning signs that it might be time to end your long distance relationship –or work to fix these problems before it all comes crashing down.
You find yourself thinking of someone else:
We think about the things that are most important to us. If your partner is slowly dropping from the number one spot on your mind and someone else’s pretty face is taking up occupancy, it might be a sign that you are having trouble with the long distance status of your relationship.
Your partner is no longer there for you:
Physical distance is already a huge factor in your relationship, when you become emotionally distant and less supportive; you are creating an even larger distance that will only further widen an unnecessary gap. If you’re starting to feel like your partner isn’t being there for you the way they have been in the past that can be a real sign that something is or will eventually go very wrong.
You spend more of your time feeling sad about the relationship than you do feeling happy:
Being in an LDR, you will inevitably have days when you feel sad and lonely. That’s normal. What isn’t normal is feeling depressed, becoming withdrawn or feeling sad all of the time. Relationships are supposed to be a happy occurrence, not one that induces crippling sadness.
When you start feeling overly sad about your relationship in this way, that is a large warning sign that your relationship is turning toxic and that LDRs might not be the best type of relationship for you.
You don’t make an effort to visit one another anymore:
People make time for the things that are important to them. Having said that, if you and your partner no longer feel the urge to visit one another anymore or worse –aren’t actively working towards an end date when you can finally and permanently be together, that is a big red warning sign that maybe your feelings for one another have cooled off.
Jealousy is eating away at your relationship
While jealousy can be considered normal in any relationship, it can quickly shift from being a healthy love for someone to a toxic mix of accusations, tears and distrust. A long distance relationship is no match for an overly jealous lover.
If you don’t have the trust that is required to deal with not having your eyes on your partner at all times, that is a sure sign that this relationship are not for you and that it might be time to end your long distance relationship.
You have no plans for the future that involve you both together:
A big essential part of being able to come with the distance is knowing that one day the distance will end. If you have no plans for the future, aren’t working towards and end date and realistically don’t see yourselves together when all is said and done, it might be time to downgrade your relationship to friendship status. Not making plans for the future means that your LDR will eventually fail. After all, you can’t go on like this forever.
You find yourselves fighting more often
It’s normal to have disagreements with the people closest to you –that is a fact of life. But if all of your conversations lead to harsh arguments, or you find yourselves fighting just for the sake of fighting -something is very wrong.
Going from being affectionate with one another at any given opportunity, to being down each other’s throats all the time is not healthy for either of you or your relationship.
The relationship feels one sided.
Relationships are a give and take. In a long distance relationship, this give and take is imperative to the relationship’s success. If you feel like you are putting more into the relationship than your other half –chances are you’re right.
If you feel like your feelings are deeper than your partner’s and they seem a bit more distant than at first–take this as a warning sign from your gut that maybe your partner is losing interest in you or the relationship. You can’t have a happy relationship with someone who makes you feel as if all the love and care of the relationship comes only from you.
The relationship feels more like a job or chore than an actual relationship.
If you’re feeling constantly bored when with or talking to your partner and meeting up with them feels more like a chore, financial burden or obligation this is a big red warning sign.
Relationships should never feel like a chore. You should be in a relationship because you enjoy it, not because you feel tied down to someone and definitely not because you’re afraid to hurt them. A relationship that has become nothing more than chore to either one of you will eventually break down.
You no longer feel connected to one another.
A big part of what makes LDRs thrive is the fact that we all feel so connected to our partners despite being far apart. Take away that feeling of connection and there’s not much left to salvage in the relationship.
You absolutely need to feel connected to one another in some way for your relationship to work or even succeed. Without this, you won’t need to end your long distance relationship yourself –it will gradually break down on its own. That’s something we never want to happen.
Maintaining a long distance relationship is like a skilled balancing act. If you want your LDR to succeed, you have to keep a look out for these warning signs in your own relationship and tackle these problems the minute they rear their ugly heads or risk losing that balance and your relationship along with it.
Do you feel that these 10 signs could potentially end a long distance relationship? Share your thoughts with us!
photo © 2011 Elizabeth Ashley Jerman , Flickr
This just shows me that my gf’s decision to end our ldr was the right thing.. Nevertheless it hurts like hell.
Are you bitter twords her? Are you mad? Do you still love her? do you still talk to her? Sorry I just need to know I might have to break up.with mine I don’t want to but it may be for the best of us if we do we just hurt each other so much
I’m going through that now snd it hurts. I’ve tried and not getting better. Time to let go I guess don’t want too though. I love her with all my heart and soul. Been waiting three years next month. It’s crazy
This just made me cry. It is the worst feeling….trying to decide whether to end it or keep trying. LDRs aren’t for the faint of heart. Unfortunately I am dealing with a dishonest partner and it is killing us and killing our connection. It is gut wrenching because I love him so much.
I’m in one right now & it’s been 6 months but I’m the one that’s starting to feel sad about it not happy plus I’m wayy jealous of her when she mentions her friends I think she’s slept with them all even though my rational mind says no. I can’t help it. I don’t want to lose her but I’m not happy anymore.
Looks like this is happening to me right now, hoping to find out tonight. At this point, I almost dont even care if its good or bad, a decision will make me feel better. Sometimes, watching the demise of a relationship is worse than the actual end of one.
The conversation part is what I’m going through! It seems if our discussions on the phone has become a lil bit tedious, like if we lived in boredom city! I’ve never been in a Ldr, this is the 1st time for me. This s**t is difficult!
Its the first time to me also, and he’s been gone for 5 months now, he’ll arrive in June, but I’m not even sure if i wanna see him again, I just don’t care about it anymore.
I have been in a ldr relationship for over a year now. its has gone for talking all the time to an email once a day to not answering the phone half the time anymore and not email but every three days.
yeah its about that time Id say.
I’ve been in a ldr for over 3 years now. We love each other a lot and we always wanted to stay together but lately it changed to be rather a burden… I hope we can figure out how to stay together. The hardest thing though are the ugly comments of the others who just don’t understand…
Did it work out for u? I’m at the point I think we r breaking up. I want to set a goal for when we can b together but he does not so we have nothing but fights now it’s getting to point that he doesn’t text me back we’ve been together for almost 2.5 years
What happened? I’m right there with you.
This is happening to me also.
But I don’t want to gave up.
I want him in my life
Please help me.
It’s happening to me right now too. At first it’s like riding a roller coaster. exciting ! It feels like an adventure. But as time goes by, it changed! the excitement you feel has already gone. The adventure you’re taking feels like you’re lost somewhere and you don’t know your way back. If the love was real and strong, then you must not feel that way. Or if he lets you feel that way, then I think LDR is not for you (us). 🙂
Its happening to me I just feel like we are just falling apart but we love eachother but we are just hurting each other I don’t know what to do. Hes in the army and I’m still in high school and its just hard we used to face time all the time talk on the phone and actually talk not just stay on the line with awakeard silence . I just dont know where I went wrong it Hurts and I just cant take it anymore I guess it wasn’t meant to be il see how it goes when he comes for Christmas and new years we said we would see if all we need is afecction I just dealt need his hugs and its better to just talk in person I guess
How did it end up working out? Did meeting on christmas help or did you end up breaking up?
Im ending ours, relationship should both be beneficial to both parties and sadly its not in our situation, but if anyone can read this before you enter LDR’s remember to establish yourself first emotionally before getting attached to someone especially when hes not always there(LDR) were suppsed to turn 2 years
My boyfriend and I started dating May 2014. He was moving to Hawaii in August and I was returning to college for my senior year. We broke up in November due to differences. May 2015 we got back together. He moved home and I graduated. We dated all summer, he went back to Hawaii in September and I moved in California for an internship. Those months we were great! December we both moved home to be together and with our families. We both are applying to jobs in Philadelphia and both have some interviews in the works. He had interview in NYC for company in Philly, turns out job is in NYC. He wants to take the job, I don’t want to do long distance again. I want to be in an easy relationship. What do we do?
Most these sound familiar after 9 months. I have a trip booked to see him in 3 weeks but am wondering if I should wait until then to confirm the inevitable face to face or end it now and cancel the trip.
It’s all so one sided right now, I feel sad/anxious all the time and communication has gone for warm an affectionate to business like and cold. That’s not me.
He can’t commit to a solution despite me offering several options – including giving up my great job and going to him. I’m drained but too scared to do what needs to be done.
if you are not feeling well with it then you shouldn’t continue it. your inner self is warning you so you better listen to him. it seems this guy doesn’t put an effort to meet and give it a try so why you would bother with it, specially giving up such a great job like you said? a job that might give you (or has already given you) a wonderful chance to meet new people and possibly get a new love interest. so, in other words you shouldn’t waist time for something that it doesn’t worth it. get out there and meet with other people. and who knows? probably someone will take an interest in you.
A friendly advice from a stranger. xxxxx
Ya ,you are right.
Thank you so much
I just ended my two-year relationship with my boyfriend. He lives in Canada and I live in Singapore, so we probably see each other twice a year? And it’s a huge financial burden for the both of us.
I know he loves me a lot and will do anything for me but I don’t feel the same way about him anymore. Nevertheless, it’s hard because I know how much I hurt him and his family. I wondered if I did the right thing and coming upon your article made me realized that the relationship was failing and I should let him go.
So I met this guy at a summer event and things seemed really awesome between us so we kept in -almost but not quite- constant contact, and became fast best friends. 6 months later he asks me out but suddenly, ever since then, seems distant. And I get that he’s busy, I’m busy too, I respect that. But now when we do talk I feel as though I’m the one putting forth all the effort. I have quit texting him first because his schedule is more restricted than mine and I don’t wanna bug him. We had set a plan that I visit him during spring break even before he asked me out but he still hasn’t given me the dates for that. I’ve already asked enough times before, he should know his schedule by now. Sometimes when he does get up with me we’ll have a connected conversation like old times, but for the most part he seems distracted. I’d like to suggest ‘hey, since you are trying to text less these days, feel free to call me anytime. I like talking to you. And my work allows me to do that, I can multitask.’ But I’m afraid he won’t take me up on that, that is trying too hard. Moreover he greeted me (text) the other day saying ‘hey friend(…)’. Do I sense massive friend zone here? Frankly these past few weeks have been grating on me, I have been stuck in emotional turmoil almost constantly because of him. I’m tired of feeling (not even) second best, and am on the verge of asking for a refund on that date.
I can tell these are happening now. We met online and it’s almost a year that we have been together. I haven’t officially met him face to face. We live about a 5.5 hour drive apart yet the meeting hasn’t happened yet. This makes me very sad that he hasn’t come yet, but I understand that he can’t just drop everything for the drive. It’s just frustrating. I made plans to see him a few weeks ago but things fell through. I don’t know what to feel nowadays. We would talk constantly but now it seems like when we talk/text its a very repetitive stale convo. Also another thing that has been bothering me is that we are not friends on social media. He tells me he hardly uses it but I saw that he liked a picture a few days ago of some girl. I only saw because I searched pictures that he liked, that might sound like I’m stalking but he’s my boyfriend so I guess I can lol. He says that basically everyone knows were together but his mom and step dad. I don’t like the fact that I’m a secret. But I have been thinking of ending things recently due to the fact that I am just sad all the time. But I love him so much and he says he loves me very much. I want to make things work but I am just confused. If someone could help with advice I’d greatly appreciate it. You’d really be helping me out. Thanks.
I’m so sorry to hear that your LDR is troubling you. I think we all hit this point in our relationship at some time or another. Some of us can work through it while some of us just can’t work past the issues.
The best advice we can offer you right now is to have a frank, open conversation with your boyfriend. In your comment you mention a lot of assumptions about the relationship that you have, like him not being able to drop everything to come see you. It seems like all of the issues and insecurities you mention could be fixed with a simple conversation.
When I doubt, talk all it out. Since you’re already in the fence about the relationship anyway, what will it hurt to have a blunt conversation with him about all the things that are bothering you?
You need to clear the air about the possibility of him cheating or seeking attention from the other girl. You need to give him an ultimatum about meeting you. Does he work weekends? Why can’t he come to see you for just a couple of hours? He loves you, right? You need to let him know that you don’t appreciate being kept secret from his parents and let him know the relationship can’t go on this way if he really does love you the way he says he does.
You don’t have to be rude, angry or overly upset to accomplish this. A calm, upfront conversation will do.
His response to you will let you know if he’s leading you on or if he really does love you as much as he says. It’s not worth being in a relationship that makes you unhappy. You DESERVE happiness.
When someone truly loves another, there is no fear about what others will think, and they can’t wait to be in each other’s arms. When someone truly loves another they will do whatever it takes to be able to continue loving that person – wouldn’t you? Keep this in mind when you get the response from your partner.
We hope this advice helps you to make the best decision for you and your relationship.
Thank you for your response LDR Magazine. I really didn’t have anyone to talk to without getting a biased response. I’m planning on talking everything over tonight. Hopefully everything will turn out for the best.
My ldr tells me if I can’t wait for him on his timeline that I should move on.
Guess that’s my answer!
I met my ld partner a few months ago. Everything was great and then a few weeks in he told me he was separated, living on his own and getting divorced. I was angry about the deception but decided to keep things going. We video chatted everyday but that has tapered off lately. He works a lot and does not respond to texts but video calls. Our conversations have become boring. We never talk about us. I feel like I am always the one bringing up the relationship and he does not want to hear it or gives me a round about answer. We live 7 hours apart and no plan has been made to get together. Coming up to where his family and I live seem to be a pain for him to visit. I am not excited as I used to be to hear from him. He only calls when he is on his way somewhere. Lately he has been sleeping because of his work schedule but hours will go by and no communication. Some of the things on this list are happening and I know I should get out. I tried to part but he did not want to let go. He thinks that we are getting to know each other and friends. I want more than that and he cannot want to give that to me. I hold on because I think things will change. After writing all this down I see how this is not a good thing. Talking to him will help for awhile but I know I will be back in this place again. A few weeks ago he disappeared for 3 days. He went fishing somewhere remotely. He did not tell me he was going. I thought he ghosted me. Then he texts me. I told him we should part ways and said that I was being mean. I stayed again. Long distance relationships are hard enough. Two people who live far apart should be able to tell each other things that keep them nurturing the relationship. This is not happening. I feel like an after thought. You know. Oh, let me call her before she thinks something is wrong.
Have you actually face timed or skyped with him and seen him on video if not then he’s probably not who he says he is & ending it would be a huge relief to you, ask him to write you a message on a piece of paper and take a photo of him holding it while balancing a spoon or fork on his nose or ask him to Skype or facetime you if he gets mad or refuses or if he says don’t you trust me then he is either shy or hiding something you can even ask him to snapchat you not everyone has Facebook or snapchat so don’t automatically assume he’s a catfish but if he loves you he’ll video chat for at least 15 to 30 minutes or send you a photo of him holding his ID or today’s newspaper to prove he’s actually who he says he is or hey create a snapchat and snapchat you photos, videos o video chat you through snapchat. Best of luck.
We’ve been together for almost four months now and we moved into a relationship pretty quickly, but were friends for a bit before we started dating. We live in the same city but go to different schools and have hectic schedules; we’d go two weeks without seeing each other but we do text everyday. In November he got a placement 8 hours away for 4 months to finish his program, and left in January. Earlier this week we were texting and he said things like “I’m not feeling this as much, I have feelings more as a friend, I’m depressed, distance is too hard” and whatnot, so I suggested we take a break for a month with a bit of contact (since we’re friends) to deal with our own things and figure shit out first before anything.
Communication hasn’t been our strongest for most of our relationship. We almost broke up once before when he found out he got the placement out of being scared. The reason I suggested a break is because distance is halfway done, and also we do have a lot going on. He’s depressed being very far, I’ve been depressed and anxious from school and personal matters. I was a little hurt with him that he kept how bad he’s really been feeling from me, and he was mad at me that I told a friend something secret about him by accident. Then two days later he starts texting me all this. I did want space because I can tell how needy and anxious I was getting over things, as well as things have felt a little boring in our texting. When he comes back next month we’re deciding what we’re doing then.
I feel it can go either way, honestly. We’ve had that where we get frustrated over not seeing each other much but when together things are good. And we have said that we want to be friends no matter what.
The person i was in a LDR with turned out to be a catfish strangely i wasn’t even upset with them because i started falling for someone else so when i finally busted them and they gave in and admitted that they weren’t the person in the photos i was relieved because i kinda always knew that they had to be either shy, danger prone/had the worst luck ever or they were not who they say they were I’m not mad at them i am a bit hurt but i don’t exactly hate them i hope they’ve grown to accept the real them had they’d been honest with me we’d probably be friends i guess but they lied to me for quite some time so even if they were to be honest with me i wouldn’t exactly believe a thing they’d tell me, so i ended the relationship and communication with them, i have the best girlfriend ever now it’s LDR of course but we video chat, send each othe silly faces photos and snapchat so i know she’s the person in the photos we’re moving back to my native home England when she graduates in Autumn.
My boyfriend and I dated for a couple months and then I left to go to Asia for a study abroad, but when I get back to the States he’ll be graduating from college and moving for his job and I still have two years of college left. We agreed to keep dating long distance, but when I was first abroad our relationship got a bit rocky because it felt really one sided and like he wasn’t putting a lot of effort in. We had a long discussion about it and things have been a lot better since but now my family and one of my really good friends are telling me that I need to enjoy my college experience and not be tied down to someone who is so far away, and that when I graduate in two years I may not even get a job near his. It’s making me so sad to think about ending it with him and being without him in my life, but I know what they’re saying is true. I can’t figure out what to do, I’m very conflicted between loving him and him being my best friend and him making me happy and then also knowing how hard it’s going to be for the next two years and whether it’s worth it to still be dating him. I’m only 19 and he’s 4 years older than me. I don’t know what to do.
My boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up not only because of the distance, but also because of his parents. We were planning to have a life together in a couple of years, but he told me that his parents will never ever let us get married. The only option would be to cut off all ties with them and that’s never gonna happen. My boyfriend says that he’s in love with me and doesn’t want to lose me, but after dating for almost one year (and being in an LDR for 9 months and not seeing each other even once), he is now thinking of either continuing our relationship but knowing that we will have to break up eventually because we will never be able to get married or if we should just break up now. I don’t know what to do because I don’t wanna lose him but I don’t want to keep my hopes up either.
iIm sorry to hear. but fight for your relationship. make your relationship worth it. Parents are important but the one whom you are going to spend your life is more important. make him realize it!
I’m worried about my current one. I really want things to work out but he just doesn’t seem to want to make the effort to make time for us to spend together. I feel like he just makes excuse after excuse to try and explain why he’ll be gone for long periods of time, when before he would do everything and anything to spend time with me. I don’t know if I should end it or not. He just doesn’t follow through with his promises it seems. A few times we were supposed to meet up and spend a few days together, but he hastily last minute canceled those plans, and seems uninterested in trying to make more. I love him and he says he loves me quite a lot, but he doesn’t want to SHOW that he loves me it kinda seems..
Hi, I read your comment on the website and want to ask how are things between you and your boyfriend? I suffer the same thing, and I wonder if you guys worked it out. And if you guys did, may I ask how? Thank you so much
My boyfriend and I have been together 2 and half years. He’s moved about an hour and half drive away from me, and the only time we now get to see each other is every 6 weeks or so? We had a ‘wobble’ a few months back and got everything back on track, however I now feel like I can’t be bothered. It seems a effort to pick up the phone to answer a call or even text. Moving to him would mean changing my whole life, my job and everything and I’m starting to think I’m not prepared to change those things? Definately time to break things off maybe?
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year and a half, but we only been TOGETHER the first 4 months, before he went to the US. We are/ were so perfect to each other. He loves me, I know that, and he does everything right, from loving my family, his family, spending time with me half an hour a day,… But theres only 1 problem is that he lied to me from times to times. He was not cheating, but he lied from huge things like about his mom having cancer (which she did not), to little stupid things. And whenever I tried to confront him about why he lied, whats his deal, he kept ignoring the questions, hangup on the phone, or telling me I was being annoying and should stop asking him. I love him so much, and he says he does to, and I believe him, but I really dont know why he has to lie like that. My friends and family ( they used to ADORE him), said I should breakup since lying is a sign of a toxic relationship, and I will find someone better than him. But you guys all know, break up is hard, especially when you still in love with that person. Can someone advise me what I should do? I love him, and I know he does to, but I dont think he loves me like he used to, since he went to another place and seems to adapted to that new environment without me.
My bf and i hv been in a long term and long distance(doh in the same country) for 5yrs.. its been awesome for the first 4yrs. . the last 1yr has been like a struggle and chore… whenevrr he is with his family he doesnt communicate much buh they all know abt us. Am believing its his family he is hanging with cause thats whst he tells me.. he never gives me details abt anything.never assist financially..and with his attitude recently,it doesnt encourage a future anymore.. i hv spoken to him abt these before buh nothing changes. I hv evn broken up a couple times buh him nd his mum keeps pleading.
Now am gradually getting into some othrr guy and i dont know how to break up again cus i dont want to hurt his fam.buh am always unhappy and thinking of the other person.. i need an advice urgently
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. Have yet to meet all of their friends, no longer invited to family things, when I go see them we don’t out in their town and we stay pretty much holed up in their house.
Spoke to them because my daughter starts school in the fall and explained how I wanted the long distance to end and I wanted to move closer- as in the same city or under the same roof. Was told no. They are not ready for that. So I asked for a goal- a time line that we can work towards us becoming closer. They became upset told me I was not allowing the relationship to develop naturally. I was the “problem” and I wanted too much according to them. Reading this made me question the relationship and starting to see it not being a healthy one. There was not a future goal for them.
BDub, so sorry to hear that. Sometimes its that point when we re-evalute the relationship to take the next step that it becomes clear that the other person just isn’t in the same place that we are. That’s why it’s so important the have goals right from the start. We’re so glad this post was able to help you out and hope that you can find future clarity and peace in your relationship for both you and your daughter. Best wishes.
Our relationship started long distance,even now that we are married,we have been married for four years and yet we are still not together.I can’t explain what is happening with me:-( ,lately i have been depressed. I don’t know if I’m just burned out of the distance,i feel like im so tired of it.He lives in london and I live here in U.S. We were long distance because of work and we were waiting for his papers so he can live with me here in California permanently. Now that he got it,he still wants more time to decide when he will come and join me here permanently. Im really so tired and i am not sure if i should just end it.I dont know why im always sad lately. I feel like he doesnt care anymore.I feel when he calls me,he just call me just so he can say he calls me and its always really short,when i ask him to stay and talk more he would say we have nothing to talk about ,and once i asked him when are we going to be permanently together,he got upset and he said he doesnt want to talk about it at that time and he just end the call.From then on until now i felt even worst,i still talk to him like everything is ok,but something is not right between us or is it just me.
Been in a long distance relationship over a year and half, I last saw my bf 6months ago only 3 times, I think I’m loosing interest but at the same time I’m still attached because he’s my best friend. He soo scared of loosing me and I’m confused on which step to take. We communicate everyday through text messages and calls only.
I’ve been in a LDR for a year and a half now. My boyfriend works for the airlines so he gets to travel for free/cheap. However he only lives a 4 hour drive away. At first he would jump throught loops to see me as much as possible. Six months ago I was let go from my job and after a couple failed interviews I’m still unemployed. This has definitely changed how I feel about myself because I’ve become depressed and haven’t been actively looking for work. About a month ago I also found out I have herpes. (I have only been with my boyfriend and no others since we started dating) As soon as I told him about this because it’s important he knows considering there’s a 99% he also has it/contracted it to me, he became extremely distant. I can understand the concern and shock after hearing this news, but I’ve done enough research to realize how common it is to have HSV1 and luckily it’s something that can be treated. So after a few weeks of minimal communication while I was going through an extremely awful outbreak I finally asked him if something was wrong. He immediately changed his tone and attitude with me and said hurtful things about my lack of effort in finding work. Then out of nowhere he blindsided me and claimed he has been unhappy for a while now. Up until now every time we saw each other he would tell me how much he loved me, how I’m the love of his life, how I’m the perfect woman. I’m just so confused and at a loss. He even told me he wanted to break things off, but then we decided to try to work it out. I don’t feel like he is making any efforts. He still hasn’t come to visit me for a month now. I’m so hurt by all of this and I don’t want to say why I actually think all this is happening but I’m sure you can guess from what was stated above. He is showing me such an ugly side of himself that I had never seen before. I can’t believe the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with would treat me like this. I do so much for him and expect so little. I respect his space and don’t hassle him for always traveling and meeting people or not being always available to me because I understand he works/has a life. The way he has said things to me it’s like I’m the worst girlfriend and all of this is my fault because sometimes when he comes here I sleep in or take naps. But I also spend all cooking and catering to him and giving him back rubs and making sure he always has something to drink. I just can’t believe how quickly things are falling apart. I’m so hurt.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I cant even imagine how you must feel. I am an outsider looking in and all I can say is that regardless he should have been more supportive. The way he has behaved is not acceptable. No matter the situation, you came forward trusting he would be accepting and helpful and he has shown to be the opposite. My advice is to move on no matter how it hurts you don’t deserve to feel like his last priority. If he loves you as he says he does than no matter the situation you should be someone he thinks of often and would want to keep open communication with.
I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year and half now. And we already broke up twice now but we’re back together again, he was supposed to come and visit me this summer but every time something else comes up and I feel like I’m not that important to him. We use to communicate two or three times a day but now it’s once after every four days. It’s always me who calls or texts him and I’m so sad and angry I want to tell him how I feel that it is only me that’s trying to make this relationship work but I’m scared to lose him because I really like him and I’m also scared that if this relationship works that I might be as sad as I’m right now. Please help what should I do?
I am in an LDR for about 18 months he comes to see me every few months for around 4 days. In the beginning he told me he loved me all the time said I was the most important person in his life. Then he changed now he says he dosnt know what will happen in the future . Calls and texts are shorter he says he loves me loads which is not like I love you more like a friend would say. Recently he has been doing his house up I have never been there. He also won’t tell his grown up son and daughter about me . His wife died 3 yrs ago. My daughter said if he won’t tell family about you mum alarm bells should ring. The last time he came down he told my neighbour I was his gf but dosnt say that to anyone near him. I feel there’s something going on and feel lonely when I say about parting he says everything is fine just leave things as they are who knows what is going to happen I don’t know what to do . Also I caught him in watts ap at 1am when he said he was going to bed early he said it was family I think their is something and he’s keeping me in case of my instincts tell me this help.
I’ve been in 2.5 years relationship…things where awesome 1st 10 months!!! Then he started showing signs of backing away…he doesn’t want to set a timeframe of when we can b together and now he’s not replying to my texts I love him but really think it’s over just waiting for him to pull the plug
Ive been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. My boyfriend is amazing he really is , BUT he gets mad easily! AND he wants to meet up with me once he’s financially stable ! Which is okay …. I guess. Thing is idk if I want to wait that long… Like he gives me time he texts me everyday, we FaceTime almost everyday if not everyday , he’s changed for the better ALOT , cuz he swear he wants me by his side. There is not one day he doesn’t say I love you , he’s just always there so I can’t complain about that , I’m added in his social media I have his passwords (prob went to deep there oh well). Some people know I’m his he but not really , he says he doesn’t like saying cuz what if I dump him , and then people are gonna say shit to him like ” I told you so” . Tbh I’m not very open about it either (sorta) , I just wish people knew , I wish he could just come and visit and nothing else mattered , I feel like I shouldn’t have to wait so long even tho he does want my life with him and he plans it’s (sorta) idk if I should stay with him … Like he’s always there and he doesn’t want to meets its not like he avoids me or anything it’s just this whole waiting game idk if I want to play it . I feel like it’s a risk I can’t really regret or not.help please
Hi, I have been in a LDR for over 4 years now, we live in different countries and get to see so less of each other. I love him and want to marry him but he keeps putting it off. I am mostly sad and unhappy these days, but I guess I am so used to talking to him that the thought of breaking up scares me. I want to end it and no. I am so confused.
hi angela.. im afaid i don’t really have advice for you, but i feel you because that’s exactly what’s going on for me too. *hugs*
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 4 months. But before this we had been together for 2 years. When he told me he was leaving to another state for work I panicked and didn’t take it well so we broke up and just didn’t have a good month. By the time we realized we wanted to be together it was right before his move. Fast forward we fight and break up again. Fast forward a month when he visits he decides he wants us to work. I love him and I wanted it to work so ever since then I decided to make it work. We have been. He’s had a phase that he was depressed and I was there. I’ve been depressed because I miss him but we both pick each other up. Lately we’ve been arguing more. I visit him as much as I can and vise Versa. But now I’m starting to get the feeling that he’s fine up there and doesn’t need me. Not saying I want him to be sad over me like I am of him ! But I literally find myself sad and always worrying about seeing him. I dropped everything else around me and just focus on him. On the other hand he’s totally seeming fine without me. Has friends visiting , going out without me a lot and just happy. I feel the opposite. Am I overthinking ? He loves me and constantly reminds me but lately I feel distant.
Hi there, I’ve been in my most recent LDR for three months now. That doesn’t seem like a long time, I know that, but originally it was only meant to be for four/five months anyway. My partner is away for the summer, and he returns in a month and a half or so. I knew it was going to be hard, going from seeing one another at Uni constantly. We’ve both just graduated from Uni and this was his ‘dream’ to go off and travel. We’re both in an industry where we would get to travel for our jobs, and I visited him in America just a few weeks ago (at the middle point, I thought it would be good to have a halfway meet up so it would feel easier) after my own dream holiday to Japan where I realised I would love to move if I ever got the chance. It started off fine, we would Skype, he would text but his work hours didn’t coincide with my own, especially due to the time difference. Slowly we stopped talking so much and would read one another’s texts as irritated or angry, and would bicker. When I got to America I had my mind full of hopes of travelling. Yet in my head, I would have moved anywhere he wanted to. We could just hold hands and jump into whatever situation we ended up in. So I arrived, and we have one rule – If one another has a problem, we tell the other straight away. And I wanted to tell him that I wanted to travel. And that when he got home, would he want to stay in the UK, or would he want to travel? Yet he told me he had no plan for his future. I like to plan, so I told him my own, and it became a constant friction during our trip, knowing that when we get home we had to find jobs, and we had to find a way to make sure we were both living close, or at least not in a LDR. I went home and I had thought we had agreed to just wait and see. Considering we both could wait years before our jobs paid enough to let us travel for them, and in my head, in five years or so, we would love one another enough to pay for flights, and it would just become a regular thing to both be travelling, so long as we kept up over text and such. We had been really good when I was in Japan and he was in the US, you see. And yet we fought yesterday, just bickered, and he told me over text that he wanted to break up. Of course this felt like a decision, not a thought, and I quickly wanted to talk. This took some persuasion, and eventually he called. Long story short he had failed to obey the one rule he had set up for us, and eventually I asked him whether he thought I was enough to trust me that it could work. Not to give up on the relationship with one month left, when we both had no idea whether any of these worries would happen. I’ve been in a LDR before, he left to America and at this point it was EXACTLY the same as my past relationship. My ex didn’t trust me enough that I could make it work. That we could. I’m a naturally happy person and so I always try and think positively, and yet I had that realisation that nothing I could do would make him change his mind and we broke up. And now here I am with my partner now, and I love him, and I really don’t want to end it. We were smiling at one another even during the supposed break up chat! We talked, and somehow I managed to get him to talk and he realised he was just worried, and he didn’t want to break up. Not persuading him, he just came out with it when I asked if that was it. We’re all good now, supposedly, he texts with I love you and all the sappy stuff you’d expect from a good relationship.
And yet this morning I woke up thinking ‘is this just waiting for this to happen again? Does he really love me, or rather care about me, if he was willing to end it without talking it through first?’ To just end it before he goes off on holiday and has fun, knowing I will constantly think it was my fault we ended it. His one rule was talking, and instead he chose to let himself overthink and then end it with me. We came so close I can’t stop imagining it.
So I don’t know what to do. I feel so strange today. Am I just hurt that he almost ended it? Should I just ignore that feeling, I’m prone to overthink, the distance doesn’t help, and just wait until he comes back? I want to make it work, I am willing to stay in the Uk/Move, depending on what he wants to do. But I feel he would never do the same for me, for the commitment-phobe inside him won’t do it. Am I giving too much? Am I being too hopeful? I don’t know what to do to both make myself feel better, how not to think so negatively about it, but also make sure that he knows this can work if he just carries this burden with me, rather than letting me do it alone.
I’m really stuck and this is ruining other things, I can’t stop thinking about it, and I’d just.. Love some advice.
Sorry this post is so long.’ It’s complicated’ as they all say.
I am in a LDR but I found out that he plans to dump me eventually as we had previously made plans that he will come over but I find out he has no intentions to leave his place. And he is apparently waiting for me to dump him first so he can get off easy. But on the outside he is always assuring me that he loves me and he is coming asap and that we must fight the ldr. I don’t know what to do but I want him over still 🙁
hi, i’m in a ldr with a guy in uk (i’m in asia), and we definitely love each other. but at the moment the only way things will work out is if he eventually moves over. but he has this illness that is not very serious but it does affect his ability to work long hours (gets tired very easily), and both of us are worried that if he moves over he cannot work and i can’t be the sole breadwinner. i don’t know what to do 🙁 i love him a lot but i’m not sure if love is enough.
any advise? thanks!
I am married and have been for 13years now. I am in the UKand my husband is in Africa. We have two lovely children. We have don’t this long distance thing for 8 years now and i can see the end of the marriage as a result. It is painful. I used to hold it together, make an effort to call first thing in the morning and at lunch time and Skype at night. He didn’t bother to put in an effort but I kept going until I saw that he was not interested in making it work. I am now fed up and when he comes in a couple of weeks I will ask for a divorce. I cannot live like this. We have grown in different ways and this is very fundamental to the breakdown of the relationship I thinkz Good luck and big hugs to everyone going through something at this moment.
Been doing this for more than 6 years. I’m tired of nothing changing. I’m tired of only having the phone calls. I thought once I was asked to be her life partner 3 years ago this coming December, it would have changed the distance. I feel like it was done just to sting me along. That is so unfair, if your knew back then inn the beginning you want going to make any moves, you shouldn’t have started a relationship with me.. I’m sick of waiting, time to just let it go.. To be on aLDR for this many years is ludicrous!
I was in a LDR for 2yrs and we just broke up yesterday. I went to study English in US and I met him, since then we were together. I’m from Brazil and when I had to go back home we decided to make it works. Then we used to see each other 3 times a year, I didn’t work so it was easier for me to go. We made plans about he comes to Brazil to visit me and meet my family 4 times, and all these 4 times something happened and he gave me an excuse, like “I can’t afford this trip now” “I need to buy a new car” etc. Two months ago, when he was supposed to come, he told me he couldn’t bc his brother had just graduated from college and they had made up plans for a trip, then he went with his brother and friends to DR. He didn’t text me even once time while he was there and when we came back, he asked me to forgive him, he loves me, I’m the most special girl he have ever met, he couldn’t lose me, etc. I know I’ve been so much comprehensive and patient, I forgot him bc I love him and o thought now we would really make an enforce to come to visit since I’m working and studying so I can’t take vacation so often as last year. Then a couple of week later, I start to pushing him to buy his ticket to come for New Years but he told me he couldn’t do it bc he was struggling. Some days ago I started to wonder if would be better we get into a “open relationship”. I told him about it and he didn’t like it but then after some time of conversation he agreed with me. After a couple days I knew I shouldn’t had proposed that so I told him we need to talk. We did talk and I told him that it wouldn’t work so we should try harder to be together or break up, but he was confused and told me he need to think about it and would give me his final decision in the next day. Next day came up, the next one and the next, he wasn’t answering my messages neither picking up my calls. So I decide to talk about with his brother how is his best friend and maybe would help me to understand his mind. I explained his brother the whole situation and he told me he would talk with him. One hour later, I got a text message from him saying I fucked up texting his brother, he was embraced, angered, he hadn’t answered me before bc he need some time for himself and if I wanted an answer now, he thinks we shouldn’t be together anymore.
I text him saying I knew that would be the only way to get any message from him and I was truly sorry about that, and that he didn’t understand my situation, he just made up his mind and didn’t say anything to me. That I understood his point but he should have a little bit of consideration about my feelings. I thanked him about the great moments shared and maybe one day we find each other in the future and I was very sorry it had to end like that. Then we answered me we still loves me and cares and I would always have a friend in him. And he expected we still be friends. He wished me the best and always to be happy.
After he text me that, I didn’t say anything else. It’s been so hard to be apart from him, I love his mom and all his family were very receptive with me. Everything I wanted is say I love him and I want to be with him forever. But I can’t bc I know it’s not the right time for us, we are too young. I’m almost 22yrs and he’s about to be 21yrs in the next month. Btw I’m already wondering if I should call him for his bday or if I should just text him. I gonna graduate in a year and a half then I plan to move to US but what gets me more scared is thinking about he meets some other girl between this time. 🙁
I have been in LDR for a decade. I love him so much but I think I have waited enough too long. I just ended our relationship now. I lost a lover and a bestfriend. He understands though.
I have been in LDR for a decade. I love him so much but I think I have waited too long enough. I held back all the plans I had jn my life because I wanted to be with him. But I have to be realistic that the chances of us being together is too slim. I ended our relationship now as it makes no sense continuing if our plans to be together does not materialize. I lost a lover and a bestfriend. He understands though and respected my decision. I hope one day, when scars are all healed, we could be bestfrieds just like the way we started. I wish him all the best. I hope that if ever our path’s cross in the future, hopefully in God’s time, he would be in a great position in life and be perfectly happy.
I’ve been in a LDR for two years now and I ended the relationship yesterday. It was always long distance, since the beginning; we live in different countries and we see each other every summer and winter. He says we are going to be together once we finish college, which is in 3 more years. He is the best, he loves me so much and puts so much effort, more than I do. But I’m so tired of thinking all day of someone that is not here. I struggled so much to make it 2 years, I don’t think I can’t do it for 3 more years. Plus I started thinking that I wanna go other places after finishing college, he does too, I just mean that I wanna do so much more before getting stablished. I’m breaking his heart now, but even if we agree to move together after college, I don’t think I can wait 3 more years. Should I live my life and achieve all my goals independently or should I dump everything to go live next to him? Some times I think, if I was do die in a couple of months, the thing I would regret the most would be not going after him and postponing our dreams. I don’t want to keep thinking in the future, I want present.
It’s really amazing to read others’ stories and feel how strongly I can relate. I ended my long distance relationship a few months ago, but have not allowed myself to begin to accept that was what I’d done until this week, as we continue to talk every few days and in many ways it just felt the same as always. We had been together for eight years (101 months, to be exact), since my first year in university. He was my best friend; if I’m honest he was my only really true, close friend, and my family. We’d lived together until two and a half years ago, when he was accepted to law school in another country. The plan was for him to return, even on an exchange, but for various reasons it hasn’t happened. This summer he was meant to transfer back home for his final year, and stay on afterwards. It didn’t work out. I ended it because I had found myself thinking of other people, was tired of constantly being the one to plan and strategize, was disappointed by constantly being let down, and was sick of waiting for him to come home. I found myself interested in other people, and am currently seeing one now… and only now am I beginning to process letting go of my old relationship. It is excruciatingly painful. I am on the verge of tears every day. The new relationship is nice, but I don’t think I was ready; I miss my old partner acutely every single day. I still question what is going on. I’m still holding on to uncertainty. I feel like I’m frozen in limbo and don’t know what to do. Thank you all for sharing your stories, I’m glad to know there are others experiencing this.
You are very brave to make that decision. You did enough work, you can’t hold the relationship on your own shoulders. You also need to live your life. I hope you can find the strength to face your decision and go on. Amazing things is waiting for you, I’m pretty sure.
I wish you very much happiness in your life, with or without this man.
First, english is not my motherlanguage so, sorry for my English mistakes.
Second, this article is well written. Very simple, very clear. That’s what people need when they are confused. So, thank you for writting it.
Third, I’m in LDR too. I’m thinking to breakup this relationship… I’m feeling more sad than happy. I’m feeling so guilty to get this kind of ideas because my partner is a very nice guy… He is doing his best to maintain our relationship fine. But I can’t stand it anymore. We cannot see each other for more than half a year… It’s like we see each other every 6/8months, only once, and for 1 week or 2. That’s it.
The only way to be together is one of us has to quite his/her country to join the other partner. Obviously, I need to do it. But I’m afraid I can’t. It’s too much sacrifices. I already suffered enough. It’s holding me down. And he needs a better gf so far
I really respect people who can handle LDR … because I can’t handle it myself. That’s very much love and patience and work.
wish the best to people who decided to continue their LDR afterall !
Im currently dealing with a workaholic ldr boyfriend. He goes days sometimes weeks without messaging me. We used to skype chat occasionally and now its just the occasional email. He says he loves me, he says im important. He says he wants to prove these things to me. I feel its just a very one sided relationship as far as the communication. He is always busy and when I get an email from him it’s so out of the blue. I honestly have stopped waiting for messages from him. I urgently need to talk to him about us because I’m honestly an emotional mess and I deserve better than this. I love him so much but this is ridiculous. I don’t know what to do anymore. It used to be all smiles, laughs and awesome conversation. It’s not just me feeling unloved and unappreciated. I don’t know how this ldr relationship can work anymore if he can’t communicate with me or make me a priority in his life. I don’t know what to do – I feel so alone.
I know how you feel, I’m facing a similar struggle right now. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years, doing distance for almost 3. The LDR communication has always needed improvement but has recently deteriorated to almost nothing because of the stress he has been under for the past few months. I have tried to be patient with him throughout this hard time but I don’t know how much longer I can put up with it. I don’t know why he can’t make communication a priority. When we are together everything is great, but for some reason when we are apart the emotional connection disappears and he doesn’t know how to communicate with me. I love him very much and I know he loves me too. I confronted him about ending it a couple weeks ago, he said he wanted to stay with me and was committed to making it work. Yet here we are, and nothing has changed. I am especially confused because the distance has the potential to end when we graduate in June. I don’t know whether to throw in the towel and give up on him, or hold out in hopes for our future. I feel so confused, alone and hurt. I don’t want to lose him but I feel like he’s giving me no choice.
I currently actually today ended my LDR with my guy in USA. His lack of communication was the killer. He didn’t message me for weeks and didn’t even message me at midnight to wish me Happy New Year. He just said words but not actions behind it. I need someone who genuinely values my time and really loves me. I deserve better and will never do a LDR ever again. I need someone in the same country as me because LDR’s suck and they are too hard.
Been married 6 months together 4 years
She has been in the army and. Ow studying down south and living away our entire relationship. Most time we have spent together is 4 weeks. Feels like it’s more of a friendship now. It’s mostly in my side, she definitely feels the love for me, I love her but I’m not in love I dont think. Christmas had more wee snaps at each other and hardly any conversation!
I’m gutted. She away on holiday now with her girlfriends Wont see her till end of month to talk this out.
she isnt my last thought at night
and first in the morning anymore.
Lost isnt even going to cover it!
I am in a long distance relationship for three months now but I am feeling disturbed of late as my guy is acting distant but whn i try to kinda ask me what’s up, he says everything is okay. he used to text me several times in a day, but lately, he doesnt, even if i text, he takes even a day to respond. and if i don’t, he will keep quiet. I love him so much but I feel there is some things he isn’t sharing with me . What should I do?. we are in different countries.
I am crying at the moment about my ldr. I’m not even sure if it’s technically “long distance” because we both live in the UK. He lives in the north, I live in the south. But I tick more than half of the warning signs listed here. Our situation is complicated ; we’ve been friends for nearly 10 years. I considered him one of my best friends. This February something changed. We met up again, but this time we kissed. We got into a relationship. I feel like I’ve done something monumentally stupid. I’ve been in a distance relationship before, also with a man from the north of the country, and it caused me capital p Pain! For five years. I swore I’d never do distance again. But now I’m doing it, and with my long-time best friend! I have feelings for him. We’ve only been doing this a little less than three months, but already I’m screaming for a boyfriend who is physically present. I’m agoraphobic so he’s the one who visits. He can only visit on a Saturday, once a month at the most. I thought maybe I’d be able to deal and cope with once a month, but we’re sliding into 5 weeks, 6 weeks, with no date. He is very introverted, thoughtful, and he’s currently sinking in hopelessness about his job, which he feels trapped in. He doesn’t message me that much, maybe three or four messages back and forth, not every day. He has little time on weekdays because of work. On weekends I hear from him even less because he’s doing his thing in his free time. We don’t talk on the phone or webcam. I’m extremely unhappy about being in a relationship with a man who is absent, again. But it’s shocking how many red flags I tick here. We have no visit date. We have no plans for a future together, I don’t think he’s in a place to think about that. We care a lot about eachother and support eachother best we can, but I feel our connection isn’t great. I am more emotionally involved in this relationship than he is. I’m not sure he has any plans or goals with me. He’s drowning in work depression so he’s not making plans for visits or mentioning it. I don’t feel like I can say anything because it would be another huge problem for him, another pressure, another area of life he can’t work out or change. I feel like I should be a good girlfriend (and friend) and be patient, be calm and wait for a reunion with love and understanding. I do understand. But I feel extremely lonely, and I wish with all my soul that he was physically present. A physically present boyfriend, that’s all I ask. I feel we’ve done something stupid. We probably can’t go back. But visits happen maybe every 6, 7, who knows how many weeks, for about 6 hours on a Saturday before he goes home to get ready for work again. He can’t fit me into his schedule or lone lifestyle, just some messages, and he’s apologised for being unable to reply the last couple of weeks because he’s distracting himself. I don’t know what to do. We have no future, we don’t even have a present, do we? No plans, no decisions, no talks. I think he wants to “wing it.” Can you “wing” an ldr? I feel so bad about it but I want a boyfriend in body, dates, days out, shopping together, watching movies together. I feel selfish for feeling this way. I should stop it and be truly understanding, right?
Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now, he’s in the military and I’m in school. I just feel as if he doesn’t want to ever talk, we’ve gone from phone calls a few times a week to a good morning and goodnight text daily. Every now and then he’ll ask if I’m ok. He’ll be back in a few months he said, but I don’t know if I should wait to see how this plays out or just end our relationship. I really don’t want to because I love his so much and he loves me. It just feels like I’m having a one sided conversation every time. Am I just being selfish for wanting so much attention from him? What should I do?
I have been in a LD relationship for 3 months now. We only live an hour away from one another, but our work locations/schedules have only allowed us to see one another on weekends… however not every weekend. I work Mon-Fri 8-5 and he works evenings Fri-Wed and days Sat & Sun. He just started his wkd evening job last weekend. I totally get it. He needs to be able to pay his rent and bills.
The kicker is, we really get along great and always have fun when we are together. He has met my kids, and i have met his parents & friends as well. I fell head over heels in love with him early on.. And have expressed as much. He tells me that i am the best, and that he loves talking & spending time with me, but he can’t (or won’t) tell me he loves me yet. His reasoning is that the L word had ruined his last two relationships, and he doesn’t want to rush into things. Meanwhile he is the one that first brought up moving in together in a few months, told me he wants me to be there with him when his parents are gone… Etc. They are in fine health btw, just older.
Also, he does not drive, so I am commuting back and forth. I miss him so much when we don’t see one another. We used to message/talk all the time whether he was at work or vice versa. Now it is sporadic. Idk.. I do love him (so very much) but I think ot would be best if we broke up. My only fear will be about losing his friendship. I want to be with him in a relationship but want my love to be reciprocated at least on some level. Idk what to do with myself. I know I am going to be so sad and that I am going to miss him terribly. I am usuallybsad because i miss him during the week as it is.
Hi! I have been in ldr for 3 years now, and I have noticed that my bf doesn’t have a good connection with his family, plus his grandpa was rude to me twice when I visited. we are from different countries and we get to see each other twice a year. A year ago I would think I wanna marry this guy, but not anymore. Do you have any advice on the situation?
Thanks for stopping by! If you’re having doubts, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. Distance can create an enormous strain on a relationship, especially when you only have physical contact twice a year. Maybe write down a list of pros/cons (good things vs bad things) to see if you’re getting what you need out of the relationship anymore. Distance or not, its important to be happy within yourself.
I wouldn’t attribute the rudeness of a family member to being reflective of how your S/O feels, he can’t really control his grandpa! Maybe try planning a trip together a little sooner before deciding to call it quits. It could be that you’re missing the physical element of things -you never know!
Sunny & LDR Mag
I’m in a LDR, and have been for nearly 6 months, however due to the distance (I’m the UK, he’s in NZ), we have only seen each other over 2 occasions in this period. He is totally besotted with me, I have lost any feelings I initially had, I don’t feel anything anymore, other than friendship. I need to end it, and have been putting it off as we are due to be with eachother again very soon, so was going to wait till the end of our time together, and try to force feelings.. what should I do?
I am yet again at a point where I can’t help but feel like doubting everything all over again. My SO and I have been long distance (online at that) for almost 2 years now…and still no visit.
The first year it was difficult to visit at all from my side, and after finally being able to set a date to spend our vacation time together at my country, something personal and family related happened and he couldn’t come. While completely understanding it hurt, especially after planning for months and learning about it last moment.
7 months later, we were planning for another visit, and yet again, it gets cancelled last moment, only ten days away. And while I do understand the reasons behind it (work related stress and fatigue), it still hurts inevitably, because, yet again it was last moment. When Ι could tell that he was getting tired many weeks prior, I would reassure him and ask him whether he wanted to cancel this trip and plan for another, but he kept saying no and that he could do it.
I just… My hopes have been kept up once more and came crashing, and while I love him immensely I just… it hurts. That’s all I can say.
And I don’t know how to feel, even though we are now making plans for August. I can’t help but be pessimistic and think that this is going to go south once again…
I’m sorry for the lengthy post, I just had to let it out somewhere where others understood, because all I’m getting from friends and family right now is that I may have to slowly start letting go of him…
Been in for 6 months. Partner is single parent of two young children. She works two jobs, one of which means she has to be away for days at a time and requires childcare. She relies on friends for this and her abusive ex partner, who is not the childrens father. The father has no child contact. the abusive ex recently found out she was seeing me and refused to look after the children if she was in another relationship. I had to take a phone call from them and deny any relationship, in order that she maintain the childcare. He has bugged her house, spies on her messages and we are now in the position where little communication is possible. She assures me they have no relationship, but cannot distance herself from him, as she maintains that she needs the childcare. She tells me she is making plans to have him completely out of her life by arranging alternative childcare that is affordable, but this may take some time. In the interim, we cannot meet as he checks up on her every hour or so when she is away from home. we cannot randomly call or text as he monitors her phone remotely. I have suggested several ways to counter his intrusion, but she seems to find excuses for not doing these things stating that it would make matters worse. I do genuinely believe that she loves me, as i do her. The situation is appalling. She is trapped in a viscious circle and has no privacy and worries for her safety, should she be open about her relationship. She is not in a position to relocate, due to other issues involving the children’s father. She does not want me to relocate to be nearer as she says this will also cause problems. I do believe that she wants to be with me and is just too scared to make the definitive decision, due to concerns over childcare and his possible courses of action. This is terrible, as i can do nothing to alleviate the circumstances, being told frequently she will sort things so we can move on. I am stuck between holding onto hope that she will resolve the situation and also concerned for her wellbeing. I also worry that maybe the thought of me in her life is what is keeping her going, when the reality is that she will never be able to resolve the issues. I find myself feeling guilty almost as if i am in an affair. If what she tells me is all true, im there for her 100%….however, how long do i live like this, not knowing when or if there is a conclusion to this. I do believe her and provide as much emotional support as i can. I just wonder if i am the light at the end of the tunnel, or merely a distraction from her reality…enough to take her out of the sadness