It might strange crazy to say this, but I believe every relationship could benefit from starting off as a long distance relationship. Or at the very least enduring some period of time in one. Think I’m insane? I’m sure many of you do. After all, distance is insanely HARD and why would anyone willingly subject themselves to that kind of hardship?
Let me explain, with some cold hard facts that 90% of all long distance couples have found to be true.
Long distance can make a relationship so much more solid and just better overall and here are the 3 reasons why:
Reason #1 The value of your relationship INCREASES
Many people don’t understand the quote “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Across the internet you can find several instances of any number of people saying “Distance makes the heart grow crazy” or “Distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder… in bed” as if distance is some magical thing that makes you love someone more. Many other people believe the opposite: there’s no way distance can make you love anyone more than you would if you were together –because you AREN’T together.
So open your mind a bit and let me take a moment to set the record straight. Distance increases the value of your relationship (or makes the heart grow fonder) not because of the distance itself but because of the effort that distance makes you extend to be with the person you love.
The same principal can be applied to anything else –anything that you work hard to get. This is called the “IKEA Effect.” What is the “IKEA Effect” you ask?
Most furniture that you buy from IKEA needs to be assembled with your own two hands. Doing this causes you to feel a sense of accomplishment because of the work that you put into it. This is the “IKEA Effect” that occurs whenever we value something more because we made it ourselves –or put in extra work to attain it.
The “IKEA Effect” is also how I would explain why distance causes the value of a long distance relationship to grow. LDRs are relationships that you have to really work hard to build together. Most require more work, effort and creativity to maintain than classic relationships because of the obstacles distance presents. Because you put more effort into the relationship, you then value the relationship more and are less likely to discard it on a whim once you have conquered the distance.
Classic relationships come and go in the blink of an eye but LDRs have a high chance of success after closing the distance because we have put so much work into getting that far. After all, who would be so quick to toss a relationship they work SO HARD to keep together? That is the value of a long distance relationship.
Reason #2: Your Levels of Trust Grow Stronger, Faster
Like the first point, this is puzzling to many people. When you’re in a long distance relationship you can’t see what your partner is doing, where they are or who they’re socializing with –they could be cheating on you for heaven’s sake! How can being in a relationship like that make your trust levels higher and dare I say STRONGER than traditional relationships?
The reasons an LDR’s trust levels are stronger are the very reasons you feel they wouldn’t be. A long distance relationship cannot survive if there is no trust. A long distance relationship will end in breakup or divorce if both partners cannot trust one another. Any LDR that succeeds is a long distance relationship where both persons involved in that relationship have learned to master trust & honesty.
Being in a long distance relationship in a way forces you to LEARN how to trust one another. Trust is one of the first bonds you and your partner will build together, and the longer you are in an LDR the more you will be forced to exercise that trust in addition to honesty. As we all know, exercising a muscle is the best way to make that muscle stronger and so exercising trust in an long distance relationship makes your trust truly stronger!
Reason #3 Your Relationship is More Exciting than Normal for Longer
Traditional relationships are always fun when they start off. You have that classic honeymoon period when you and that super-hot someone are just so wrapped up in each other. The longer a relationship continues on though, the less exciting and more average and normal that relationship starts to feel. What started off as blissful love-fest has mellowed down into the usual routine of being together.
LDRs are the exact opposite. Our relationship is not made up of a single honeymoon period- but several! Think about it: Seeing one another for the first time with every visit. Isn’t it romantic, euphoric and exciting after being apart for so long? And then the periods in between visits are spent thinking of creative ways to have date nights and other romantic or fun things together.
In essence our long distance entire dating experience is full of trying new things, sending one another gifts and love notes and care packages –who do you know in a traditional relationship that does anything like that on a regular basis? Not many.
To top it off, once we close the distance for good we’ve developed good habits of showing love and affection to one another –habits that often times stay. So even after distance our relationships are still exciting and fun and romantic because we’re still trying new things, sending one another love letters and having special date nights together.
Distance teaches us to make and keep our relationships exciting and romantic –something that many people in traditional relationships never get to build into a habit.
“If distance doesn’t make your love grow, then you’ve never truly loved.” – Nizar Qabbani
If you’re in a long distance relationship, would you agree with the points above? Do you think every relationship could benefit from enduring a period of long distance? I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments and objections which you can share by commenting below!