How To Cope With A Long Distance Breakup

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Breakups are the worst. When a romantic relationship comes to an end, it’s a huge change and a huge loss to both people involved. It can be a really overwhelming period for you. You feel like you’ve lost such a huge part of you and now you have to start over and make your way in the world alone.

It could be even worse if your breakup occurs while still in the depths of being long distance. You may feel like you’ve failed yourself, or even others because you weren’t successful in “defying the distance” the way that you imagined you’d be.

I can’t promise that you’ll be able to get over your long-time love really quickly, or that the pain of a breakup will simply float away by following some step by step guide to getting over someone. No, I won’t promise that. What I can promise is to give you some tips to help get (and keep) you out of the rut so that you can better deal with all of the emotions you may be facing.

1. You don’t owe anyone. You did what’s best for you.

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Do not feel guilty that you ended a relationship while being long distance. Relationships are about being happy and compatible with that person. Sometimes that turns out to not be the case. It can happen in any relationship, both close-distanced and long distance.

I know that as a community we’re really big on overcoming the gap between us and closing the distance, but you don’t owe us or anyone anything. Not even an explanation about why you didn’t succeed. Do not add on guilt to your already long list of emotions to deal with. You haven’t let anyone down, not even yourself. You did what was 100% best for you.

2. Its normal for you to experience a state of shock. It’s normal for it to hurt.

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You had a special bond with someone and now that’s all gone. Of course its going to hurt. Not everyone experiences the pain and shock that comes from breaking up at the same time though. For some people it takes some time for it to sink in. For others, it might sink in all at once right when the breakup happens. No matter how or when it happens, it’s normal to experience this -no matter the degree.

You’ll find that one day you go to reach for your phone to send them a text, or call them about something you’d usually share only to have that realization hit you that they’re no long there for you. Being long distance didn’t mean that you weren’t close -you were probably a lot closer than many close distance couples are. You’re dealing with the breakup of both mind and heart, not just body. And those can be the most painful of all.

3. You don’t have to pretend to be happy. It’s okay to mourn.

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I’m not saying you will be sad all of the time. I’m not saying that you have to be happy all of the time. Like most painful things in life, the emotions that follow will come in waves. You’ll have moments of complete clarity where you’re perfectly okay with the decision you made and you know that it was the best choice for you. But you’ll also have moments where you’ll feel intensely sad, maybe even regretful. That’s normal.

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The worst possible thing you can do is try to hide those feelings or hold them inside. The best way to cope with them is to let them out. Cry a little, spend a few hours in bed, pull that tissue box close. You’re going to feel sad. There’s nothing weak or strange or wrong about it. Letting those emotions out will prove to be far more therapeutic than holding them in. And once you’ve gotten it all out you’ll be better off for having done so.

4. Don’t Isolate yourself. Pull the people you keep close even closer.

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You’re going to need a support group, people who can comfort you and keep you motivated when things get too tough for you to bear alone. It might sound cliche but trust me, they will prove to be so valuable to you when you need someone to text, call or talk to -instead of your ex. They will be the ones telling you “you can get through this” and  sometimes it’ll be just what you need to hear.

Another good thing is that friends and family can help to keep you busy. It’s so easy to get sad or depressed and withdraw into yourself. Those people that you hold close will prove to be a wonderful distraction, a great alternative to thinking about your past relationship all the time. Instead of dwelling too much on painful memories, you’ll be out with friends, doing things with family -all things that will help you to heal, keep busy and focus on more positive things.

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Have you experienced a long distance breakup? What tips would you recommend to someone who is experiencing their first breakup while in an LDR?

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71 comments

10 Signs it’s time to end your Long Distance Relationship - LDR Magazine April 22, 2014 - 2:39 pm

[…] are 10 warning signs that it might be time to end your long distance relationship –or work to fix these problems before it all comes crashing […]

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Kyle April 29, 2018 - 2:14 am

I decided to stop contacting my more than 2 years long distance relationship. He wanted us to be friends but I told him, I need time to think and regain myself. It hards to tell him that, it takes courage. We promised a lot together family, kids and future plans of traveling the world together. But after a while just last week he told me his not happy with our relationship anymore and that wanted his happiness back before he met me. Thats what I did I gave him what he wants. At first I want him back but he just told me maybe if we have time to get to know better each other but this time is not a good time. I’ve been crying for days, I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t eat. Thats why I told him I won’t contact him for a while because I need to repair myself. It hurts but its really true that if you love someone you have to let him go. I love him very much and provided him everything he wants despite the distance. But maybe in time we’ll meet again and fulfill our promises together. But for now I need to get myself back and my confidence back. I’m a little hoping we’ll get back one day.

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rahul September 22, 2014 - 6:26 pm

100% in agreement with my recent experience. I had developed a feeling she had stopped contact or not taking efforts in communication for 2-3 weeks. When I confronted her with questions first I got response about distance and her job. After a day I decided I would leave all my job and comfort and shift to her location. Aftet calling her again and telling her this I got a response that she changed the feeling about me. 5 nights without sleep and eat in a row. Last weekend I completely broke down and cried hell like a little kid. Next day – bang!! I am cool again.

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Pixxy December 5, 2014 - 8:06 am

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5years. We had been in a LDR the whole time. He also admited that, although he was willing, he didn’t really have the heart to move to the city to be with me though I moved there to be closer to him.

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she December 15, 2014 - 11:30 pm

Two weeks ago my long distance boyfriend of two years broke up with me because he couldnt bear the distance between us anymore. He didn’t know what to he wants but he was so sure about the fact that he couldn’t “us” anymore. i was so crashed but cried a little. Two days after the break up, i told my mum and cried like i never did in the past. I’m 28 and he was the only guy I had ever introduced to my family. I never thought we he was going to give up on just like that. But what hurts me the most is knowing my parents are hurt for me bcz they expected I would end up with awesome guy, and i expected that too. But some good things just never last. And i feel like this is the most painful break up I ever had and im still healing.

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cristina juarez January 20, 2015 - 12:09 am

wow my situation so like yours we been in a kind of serious relationship where had already talked about the whole you know marriage and kids not to mention he was my best friend first..we were perfectly fine we live about 4 hours from each other but our love was real (or so I thought) we would see each other as often as we could. Then one day he said he was confused and didn’t want any problems with the distance I said ok ill move give me a month I was going to move in a few month anyway because its back in my hometown, then he said no don’t do that..I would feel guilty blab blab and then he said he just was confused and didn’t know if he wanted to still be with me, I said yesterday I was the love of your life.. he said he needed time with no time frame.. I asked if I could see him just an hr to talk things out he said NO. he didn’t want to see me or talk to me..i finally said when the love is real you don’t ever need no time..i said ill make things easier for you how about I don’t want to ever see you or talk to you of course I said this out of anger but I hate people wasting my time like that.. needless to say I was crying like a kid for 3 days with no eat and no sleep.. I was mad he was a coward not confronting me telling me how it is that he lost feelings for me…or whatever he was confused about. it will take time .. I guess things I’ll
get better they always will.

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Confused and Hurt February 25, 2015 - 1:09 pm

Some of that is almost just like me. He was my best friend first and we always were talking about the future. Then he didn’t message me for 3 days and so I messaged him. He told me that he didn’t message me because he felt we were drifting apart and he didn’t want to say anything.He told me how he wished he could tell me in person.The worst part of the whole thing is that the excuses he used were all textbook excuses “It’s not you it’s me.” What hurts the most was that he acted like it wasn’t a big deal and then I told him how I felt and he told me he didn’t realize how attached I had become. Then yesterday he messaged me and told me he made a mistake then he proceed to say that he wasn’t sure.(BTW this all happened today and yesterday)

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kennyk12008 March 6, 2015 - 1:02 pm

I had a terrible experience similar. I had been with my ex for 1 year and half, 6 months of it we were in the same country until she went back to Germany to finish her studies. She eventually got a job there and at that point i thought we were doomed. I loved her like i have never loved anyone and travelled so much despite my fear and hatred for Planes. things were great, we were happy. She would cry and hug me passionately when i’m going back to England. What i didn’t realise was that she was slowly losing feelings for me. Some of her signals i picked up and asked her about it =, which she denied and said everything was fine. i remember one day when she deeply said she loved me REALLY (Said so softly and romantically with a beautiful gaze in her eyes) after sex. That made me so happy that she felt just like i did. I last saw her in November and boom the signs were there, her behaviour had changed, i asked if she was ok to which she said yes. Her feelings had changed, sex wasn’t the same anymore, no more initiating, felt more like she did it out of favour or obligation, horrible. Then the night before i left back for England, it was the best ever, to which she confirmed. fast forward to December, when i was supposed to travel to see her on the 29th, she finally broke up with me on the 27th over the phone. I can honestly say it was the single most heart breaking break up i’ve ever heard, the signs were there but when it finally hit, it hit hard and fast. She cried about it, but i acted cool. I have never missed anyone so much in my entire life. No contact now since then and going strong. I am not hoping for a reunion anytime soon. I wish her the very best but she will still remain in my heart forever.

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Sue March 29, 2016 - 4:34 pm

“You break up while still loving each other”. That is what is happening to me now. I feel like it’s the worst kind of break up because there’s nothing actually wrong with the relationship other than the fact that you’re not together. In fact, if both people spent their days around each other like other “normal” relationships, then you’d have probably gotten married and stuff. But alas, we are fools for love and we can’t help holding on. Holding on to what could have been.

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Andrea August 7, 2017 - 8:34 pm

Can’t agree more with you, Sue. Breaking up while still loving each other has to be one of the most hurtful things that can happen to someone.
My ex and I decided to break up after a year of having a “normal” relationship (we even lived together during that time) and 6 months of LDR. We just faced the facts that neither of us was going to give up our job/studies just to move in with the other one (I’m from Mexico, he is from Denmark. We live in our home countries at the moment).
We are still in touch , we still have feelings, and somehow I feel like I have to keep things alive, and I feel a lot of guilt because no matter how hard I try, things will not get any better. I know I have to move on, becuase that is the best thing for me, but I keep holding on because I know we work so well together, and of course, the feeling are still there.

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Lee March 14, 2015 - 1:23 pm

I just broke up with my long-distance boyfriend few days ago and on our 10th monthsary. yes it might not seem long but it was happiest 10months of my life. We broke up over the phone. I asked how he feels about me. He said he still feels the same. then he said it’s the distance…difficult for both of us…bla bla. I said I’m gonna move there to be closer to him. He said that he will feel like he’s selfish.

Moving there is what I have always wanted even before I met him. I just wanna get out of my home country and it was out of my own will to be closer to him. He said he’s not sure if he’s gonna be there for long. Told him I’ll go wherever he goes. His reply was ‘I’d love for you to come with me. but it’s not easy’
Nothing is ever easy. It all depends whether the guy and the girl are willing to get through it together.
That’s what I said.

Kept asking for us to try again. “i dont know” was what I got from him.
Then he finally said the 2 words i dreaded to hear. ‘end relationship’. i could hear him starting to cry. after some time, we ended the call.

Till now, I still couldn’t register that we broke up.
What made it worst was he said he still feels the same. & that he’ll never forget me.

I’m seeking advice.
Should I fly over to meet him one last time?
For closure.
I just think that it’s better to clear the air face to face and get some questions answered.
But I might be wrong.
Any advice?
Thanks.

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YH April 24, 2015 - 11:03 am

Hi Lee

I read your story and it is pretty much exactly the same as mine. Me and my girlfriend met in Korea and we spent 3 amazing months together before I had to leave and start a new job in a different country. We were together for 10 months and had met in Japan and here in Dubai where I live and planned to meet as much as we could. She said the distance was becoming an issue for her and that she also liked her new job in Korea and couldn’t see how we would be together.

Like you I told her that I would leave my job and life here because I wasn’t happy and that I would come back to Korea. She was not excited by this and said she wasn’t sure and kept telling me to think about it. I told her I was thinking about it and I could make it happen. I sent her many long e-mails trying to explain and rationalise but it just didn’t help.

I thought that if two people are in love then no matter what they can overcome any obstacles. She then broke up with me earlier this month. However I had booked my flights and holiday to go and see her and I told her I think I should still come up so we can speak face to face and say goodbye and maybe clear the air. At first she said Ok then she recently messaged me saying that she won’t be able to do it and she can’t bare to see me so soon. I felt really hurt and just felt like she wasn’t taking any of my feelings into account, she offered to pay my cancellation fee but I refused. Like you I’m thinking of still going down and just messaging her when I’m there to see if she wants to meet up but then I think this might be a bad idea.

My advice to you would be to take some time to think. Do you think that if you fly there and see him that the spark will just reignite and he will take you back. I know initially you just want to say that its so you can say goodbye and get some closure but perhaps you may have greater expectations, as I do. I don’t think there’s much more closure to be had in this situation. I think you’ll only get hurt more especially if you see that they’re doing well and have completely moved on. It’s a huge gamble and ultimately whatever problems there were won’t go away with a temporary visit. I’d say avoid going down there to meet him and do something else, think I’m going to take a nice vacation. If you do decide to move wherever he is at a later date then maybe see how things go from there. For now though don’t give in I think it’ll just give him the complete upper hand and maybe even make him feel like he’s forced to face something he just isn’t ready to face yet.

Hope this helps, think I’m about ready to cancel my ticket to go see her.

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Miss March 22, 2015 - 7:37 pm

I broke up with this guy, a year later he moves many miles away to another continent, then 3 years later he contacts me saying he never got over me. After 5 months of thinking, I got back to him and it seemed to be perfect, what I didn’t know at that time is that I was making a huge mistake. 2 years and some more in this relationship, with the last year being together and breaking up several times, we finally broke up for good 6 hours ago, and it just hit me right now. I am feeling scared and can’t hild my tears because I know there is no chance this time. He is still living far away which is good in a way, but the pain is still there and I still need to cry him out. Just needed to vent.

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Ashley March 26, 2015 - 11:57 pm

My long-distance boyfriend of three years just officially broke up with me yesterday. We had been about 10 hours apart in two separate states for the entire three years of our relationship. We never had an “easy” relationship, and the distance always posed an issue but at the end of every day, we always said “I love you” and promised one another that no matter how hard things became, we would stay strong and never fall out of love.

Last week, he randomly text messaged me and told me that he was feeling lonely, and that the distance was becoming increasingly difficult for him. Desperate to make things work, I told him that I would come visit within a couple of weeks, and he seemed happy with that proposal. Throughout the week, though, he kept changing his mind about what he wanted. At first he told me he wanted to make things work, but then said he only wanted to be friends. Then, once again, he told me that he hopes that I’m “the one”, but the other day said that he can’t commit to me right now.

Yesterday, after a few-hour period of no talking, I decided to text him and ask him why he’s been so distant. He told me that he had done some thinking and that he realized that he wanted to be friends and nothing more. He said he’s sick and tired of the distance and felt as though this was the best option. When I questioned him about visiting, he told me that I can still come visit, but just “as friends” with no intentions on a relationship. We texted a bit throughout the day, but his responses were very short and spaced apart by several hours.

At that point, I realized that I needed to respect his decision and take some steps back. I’d be a total liar if I said that I’m not absolutely heartbroken, because I am. I expected him to be my Prince Charming, the man I’d marry someday and have children with. We had so many future plans, and now it seems as if the world came crashing down on me. The scariest thought at this point is that we will never be able to repair our relationship. That he will find somebody else and move on with his life as if I was never in it. I still, however, have this little glimmer of hope that after some time, he will regret his decision and miss me as much as I currently miss him.

I think that the best thing for all of us in this current situation to do is to try to move forward with life as much as we can. They’re apparently having no problems getting on with life, so why can’t we give it a shot, too? Always hope for the best but expect the worst. If he (or she) loves you enough, he will come back. If he never comes back, it’s obvious that moving on was the best option.

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Christy March 30, 2015 - 2:05 pm

I just broke up with my 2 year LDR boyfriend last night. I can’t say that was ever an easy relationship because it started out long distance but we fell in love with each other and although we talked about a future together on a regular basis nothing ever changed in terms of either of us moving closer during the following years. I did most of the traveling out of state to visit him the entire first year and a half of our relationship then it just got to be a little too much for me so I decided that I just couldn’t handle the long distance anymore and broke it off. After about 3 months of aching to be with him again, I went back to his waiting arms. (He has never wanted to break up) After we got back together he made the commitment to riding his motorcycle down to see me every other weekend in order to keep our relationship healthy. I believe its vital for a truly healthy relationship to have eye to eye and hopefully some skin to skin contact with each other on a regular basis. Well that lasted for about 2 months and then it went back to the same old scenerio of him coming down every 3 weeks, then 4 weeks then 5 and so on. After this last cancelled trip on his part, it has been 7 weeks since we’ve seen each other and I’m tired. So I made a final decision to break it off for good. I know he’s hurt and I hurt too, but just as the writer said in this article, I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I did it because it is right for me and my life, my sanity, my happiness and my peace of mind. It takes time to get over a love, but there is a great big world out there to experience and I had gotten so locked up in my little world of waiting, waiting and more waiting to see my boyfriend that I developed tunnel vision. That is no way to live. So I am looking forward to moving on now and discovering what new adventures life holds for me. I know there are many of you out there that can make an LDR work and I congratulate you but for some of us, its just not in our stars. I believe everyone should follow their own heart and find what works best for them. May we all find what brings us happiness and fills our hearts with love.

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kat April 7, 2015 - 6:54 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m going though the same thing right now. I’m dealing with the distance ,loneliness and the romantic. I don’t feel that from him anymore.

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Toni November 13, 2016 - 8:46 pm

This message is for CHRISTY.
After reading many of these LDR experiences, yours Christy spoke to me the most. I would very much like to speak/email with you.
I too am going through a break up. I have known this person since high school and we also dated back then for a few months. After high school we went our seperate ways, got married, had kids. He stayed in California and I moved to Nevada. We are 4 hours away from one other.
On October 2015, I went to my 30th high school reunion. My best friend posted some pictures on Facebook (I am not on Facebook, he is) and he saw them. He asked my girlfriend to give me his number. I waited a week and then called him on 11/08/15. We both had an instant connection ( and this is after 37 years!) and spoke everyday after that, sometimes for hours. At first he was skeptical being in a LDR, but we decided to give it a try..baby steps. We finally met at a Super Bowl event in February 2016 in Nevada with mutual friends. It was awesome and our journey continued. Yes, it was trying in times, trying to see one another, but more so for him. He is going through his second divorce, has 2 girls, 12 and 14 and works nights. When he isn’t working he has his girls. I on the other hand live on my own, kids grown, out of the house and have a 8-5 M-F job. I cannot move at this point and if I could I would! I work for the state of Nevada and have 3 years left before I can retire with 30 years of service.
Long story short, the distance and his life right now has caught up with him and on October 30th we spoke and ( to my surprise..I was speechless..didn’t know what to do/say) he made the decision that he just can’t make us work right now with the way his life is at this point. He said he tried to do the long distance, but he just got tired with trying to make everyone happy and was stressing about everything. He said he has always had feelings for me and always will; that I have always been on his “radar” and that he will find me again; the timing is just not good for us right now. He doesn’t expect me to wait for him and says its his loss. I really thought our feelings for one another would win over the challenges of the long distance.. Guess I was wrong.
Since our conversation and after the initial shock wore off, I started to vent, sending him text messages with how I was feeling that I didn’t have the chance to say when we last spoke. One minute, I love him and the next I hate him! He has replied to only a few of those many text messages and obviously, not telling me what I want to hear. He says he won’t feel guilty for what he knows and that he has to put our relationship on a “shelve” right now.
I am trying to move on and accept this decision; putting myself in his shoes.
The last text I sent to him was 11 days ago. I am trying sooo hard not to contact him..so hard. My heart just really hurts right now:(

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BrokenheartedinNYC May 22, 2015 - 11:53 am

I was with my boyfriend with 4 years and recently 1 year of LDR (me in NYC and him in Los Angeles, CA) he moved there for his dream job. My career is here so I stayed behind, in the hopes of eventually moving there. We broke up 5 weeks ago.
I love him, I still love him, We have been able to see each other about 4-5 times in the past year. I won two airline tickets and I had used them on two trips to see him. One trip he paid for. Another time he came out to NY.
He left about a year ago. The weeks that lead up to his departure put in a frenzied state. I would cry at night and tried to shield this from him. One time while we were in bed I knew what it meant and I feared that I would lose him forever. I had never been in a long distance relationship and up until that point, I have never planned to either. I never understood how someone would want to do that, the strength it takes amazes me. We were planning on meeting up in DC for a wedding. I still went to the wedding with him and it was great. I tried to be very self-aware of everything that I said and did. We had a wonderful time, with very little conflict. We ended up spending the entire weekend together and cuddled at night. He held my hand in public and called me “babe” when we started drinking, it was just like old times. We even had some deep philosophical conversations, he confessed that he had lied to me about a few things, told me he loved me, we went out to eat, went dancing, he was VERY affectionate with me in public (which was something he rarely did). Then I was like ‘I have hope’ until the Monday and he texted me “Do you think we can be friends?”….I was like WTF…and he told me that he is dating a woman that he likes a lot. He also reiterated that we will never be together again forever (yes, he said for the rest of his life)
We have had some communication issues in the past. We have different personalities, but we love each other. I still believe he loves me even now.
I am having a VERY had time with this. I hope we get back together.

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Broken June 5, 2015 - 10:23 am

The worst is when you are on a break, yet you havent broken up officially. My bf and I have been in an LDR for 22 months now. We have had our share of ups and downs in the relationship.. WE HAVE MET EXACTLY 2 TIMES IN THIS PERIOD. My job in the UAE doesnt permit me to travel frequently to India. Neither is he in a position to visit me. Things suddenly went haphazard and I was ‘informed’ of a break in the relationship. He didnt intend breaking up once for all but wanted to take a break from the relationship. This he decided at a time when I am already going through enough troubles and problems. The one person whom you thought would stand by you during the worst times leaves you and adds only more to your woes. The emotional distance feels heavy when added to the existing physical distance. I tried going over things in different ways, but sadly I cant force him to be normal when he isnt wiling to. Nights spent crying, drenched pillows, and reddened eyes are all that is left. Im clueless about the relationship, if we can say there is one. I do not know when I would meet him next and my opinions are changing as well. Im not even sure if I would be normal even if he suddenly comes back. My birthday is 3 days away and I have no contact with him anymore as I am out of all the social and networking apps. Honestly, I couldnt hav asked for a sweeter birthday 🙂

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Lana June 16, 2015 - 10:31 am

LDR is the worse thing a couple could ever go through.and worse of all.. the breakup.although i’m still in a LDR with my boyfriend currenlty. i can feel the distance is tearing us apart and i no longer can hold the pain…i’m very much confused right now. should i just give up on him. or keep my relationship going?

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Andre June 27, 2015 - 6:37 pm

Lana, if you love him, don’t let him go. Either move with him or ask him to move with you.

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Emily petremon November 5, 2015 - 1:56 am

I was in a ldr for about five months..he ended it with me on march 28..he was the first guy I’ve been truly in love with.. Over the five months he would find something wring with me and try to leave me over text.every time he did I’d ball my eyes out and beg him not to leave me..but we always fixed it..in the beginning of march he did the same thing as usual and we had a really big fight..I said “goodbye” I couldn’t deal with it any more if he really loved me he would try yo fix it like me..the next morning I see a text he sent saying “please,don’t leave me. I can’t imagine my life without you”..I took him back but it was awkward between us..then he stopped talking to me towards the end of the month ..I kept messaging him to find out what was going on ..finally he says “I can’t continue with us..my life’s not great rightnow” I said “no..please” then he said “sorry” and I never talked to him again.. I still hurt..especially since he never said goodbye..

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Ferdi November 16, 2015 - 4:45 pm

This is my first time i searched for any tips on how to handle a LDR break up. My girlfriend in canada broke up with me yesterday. Were together here in the philippines for 10 months, then she went to canada cause her parents were there. I knew from the start that she will leave soon, but i promised to myslef that i will try my best to handle a long distance love. To be honest we did it very well, we talk everyday, we chat, we exchange schedule for our skype time, we became so much closer than before, we promised to ourselves to be honest. We took an extra effort to celebrate our monthsary especially our anniversary. I always keep things that remind me of her and she was doing the same thing as well. We still do our hobbies even though were just on skype. We exhange pictures and videos where we are, voice messages, etc. We talk about our plans, future, wedding, we even have names already for our future babies. We didnt feel the distance at all, so i felt great that we overcome the long distance. She made a promised that after her school and work shell come home next year october. Until yesterday, she messaged me that she is not happy anymore. I told her that me too im not happy of being far from her but being in a relationship with her is worth the wait. And she told me that she had fallen inlove with someone. That moment i cried like hell, i almost died, im shaking, i couldnt talk, i dont know what to do. But i keep my focus on discussing about what happend. She told me that before our relationship starts here in the philippines she already inlove with another guy. The guy also love her but he never pursue. And then when she went to canada, there where the time the guy contacted her. She then their feelings began mutually. She told me that theyre were talking for few months now, and she is already inlove again with that guy. She also told me that everytime we chat she was thinking about that guy. She tried not to entertain she couldnt keep it anymore. Now, she decided to let me go. I askes her if she still loves me, but she answered ” honestly at this point, im thinking about that guy, im so sorry”. I was so empty. I cant do anything but to cry. Until now. I dont know how will i handle it. Should i pursue or fight for her? Or should i give up? Please help me.

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P. February 26, 2017 - 1:59 pm

I’ve just been in a similar situation. How did it turn out for you? I’m so hurt at this moment and would like to get in touch with you. I hope you are fine now.

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Leia November 20, 2015 - 11:34 pm

I’m heartbroken. It’s been almost 2 years after the breakup and I’m still not over my ex. I know he’s the love of my life. We were together for 3 years, and I took it for granted towards the end. I just don’t know what was wrong with me. We live in two different sides of the world. I broke it off with him because I was consumed by the fear of what if we didn’t work out ? What if he didn’t find me attractive ? I was insecure, and for what? I found a guy that I had an emotional bond with, like he was my best friend, we hadn’t seen each other , I guess it’s also because we were both young I was 17 and he was 20. We didn’t have the means of being able to see one another. But yeah I broke it off with him and guess what? He decided to finally come to my hometown, I reached out to him because I thought I had to see him we were talking for 2 years and we finally saw one another, and can I say it was one of the most memorable days of my life. It was as if I had known this guy my whole life, he was perfect. But after that day he was due to fly back home a couple days later and funnily in my head, I thought after that day I saw him that we were automatically back together. I mean when I look back at it now, I was delusional. After I broke his heart how did I expect everything to go back to normal? But I was hopeful, because if anyone felt the emotions that were coursing through me that day then they would understand. Anyway it became awkward after like , he wouldn’t speak to me unless I spoke to him , although he did wish me happy birthday, but I felt hurt and became insecure about myself thinking did he not like what he saw? A year passed and still no word ,I tried moving on,until it hit 2014 and bam I couldn’t take it. I messaged him and he replied, I told him how I felt and might I add that I wrote a freaking dissertation paper lol. And do you know what he said, ‘finally, I was waiting for this’ but then again he didn’t give me the answer I wanted, instead I read a lot of mixed messages. So I still kept trying, he would ignore my messages at times and I felt like karma was hitting me, as the exact same things I did to him were happening to me. I felt miserable, but still I had hope, I tried and tried and I’m still trying. I’m sorry for this long essay I’ve written but I want him back with every fibre of my body. I live and breathe him on most days. I just feel like I want an answer from him , so that if he doesn’t feel the same way then I can have closure, because it’s affecting my mental , emotional physical well being. I hope that he feels what I feel , and if he doesn’t then oh well, I might feel melancholy for a while but at least I can move on.

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LL February 6, 2016 - 12:28 pm

Im in a similar situation, I have been seeing a guy for a year and a half but in december he decided to move to a different country for work. When he told me he was going he said he wanted to be single as he didnt want to be tied down. A few days before he left he said he couldnt end it with me and wanted a long distance relationship. Everything was going good we had no arguments and we got on really well then jus after two months he wants to more or less end it as he said as time goes on he doesnt want to end up forgetting about us and cheating on me. He wants us both to live our lifes for now and still keep in contact then see what happens when he comes home in two years but i am absolutely heartbroken he wasnt just my partner but also my bestfriend. I dont know what to do as i cant move on i love him to much to even look at anyone else. The only options i can see is to stay single and see what happens when hes home or just cut all contact which i dont want 🙁

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Sam June 28, 2016 - 2:43 pm

I’m in the same situation. My ex boyfriend lives 2 hours from away from me, and we agreed that we would stay talking to each other, date other people for now, and in the future we will see what happens. He told me that if he ends up moving down here, then we could be in a real relationship, but so far, there has been no success in him moving. I love him so much, and I can’t stop thinking about him. I want us to be together. I just don’t know if I should wait for him, or completely not talk to him anymore and let the universe decide.

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JD February 25, 2016 - 10:18 am

I m on the same boat but everyone ard me said he doesn’t want to sacrifice anything for anyone then I m widely awaken. He is just selfish. He always says “I have ever considered LDR n l m honest about it” sounds like he doesn’t want to be the bad guy and didn’t say break up for closure. I think he is just being coward.
He moved last Nov. We used to talk everyday n i visited him in Dec for a month. So in Feb we’d been talking everyday until he didn’t call me n I said in the end u didn’t call me. He goes like – am I supposed to? Babe. I do care blah bla bla (trying heard to make himself look good if we ends naturally) but I never consider LDR then y did u ask me to visit u in Dec? He just wanted me to settle in with him. Filling furnitures n stuffs for his flat.
He is a Scorpio. We ended up didn’t talk for a week when Valentine’s Day came he just left a message happy Valentine’s Day. So what is this? A week after I couldn’t hold n I texted him I miss him he just said I miss u too my dear. He just wanna act the same way – cool, being nice… So no one would blame him in the end. He is just so manipulative as I read thru all the history I he with him.

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TBM February 28, 2016 - 2:01 am

So thankful to read this thread and know that I’m not alone in this.

I have been in an LDR for almost 1 year. We are more than 5000 miles apart. We’ve seen each other’s best and worst side. We broke up because it hit us that there were too many odds against us.

He is never returning back to his home country. He prefers to be in the states. On the other hand, I have a 2 year contract to serve in my home country. We thought about me relocating after 2 years, but we know it comes with uncertainty considering how Visas are hard to get as well as the challenge of leaving my (traditional) family behind.

My ex and I are from difference races. My parents are traditional and disapprove of us being together, so that will be another challenge months later.

Apart from all that, we have fundamental personality differences that is harder to reconcile in a LDR. When we are side by side, we can tolerate and make it work. But in an LDR where cannot you feel or see the person face to face, it is much harder to get past.

We still have feelings for each other but we know it is better to let go. This is the most heartbreaking relationship I have gone through. You wake up every morning, checking your phone (muscle memory perhaps) for his messages, only to be disappointed.

I blocked him on social media so that I won’t have to eventually see photos that will make me feel jealous.

So distracted with the breakup. Constantly checking my phone, wanting to text him. And always giving in ultimately. I’m usually much more rational and determined as long as I know this is for the longer term good. But geez, with emotions involved, this is so hard to get past with.

It’s painful. So painful.

Really wish to thank this community for sharing your experience. It really helps in times when you just need to know there are like minded people around, and that you are not alone.

Anyone has any tips or words of encouragement? I feel that I’m still holding on, I still like him, and I can’t imagine being replaced. It is a selfish thought I am aware, but this is what happens when you break up still loving each other.

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Sarah April 11, 2016 - 11:02 pm

I am currently going through a long distance breakup. I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half… he ended it with me at the end of February, just after I got back from visiting him for two months. I wasn’t expecting it and was devastated.. I still am extremely devastated, I cry every day and experience negative thoughts… dreams with him in them. I have never felt this way towards anyone. Everyone thought we were so perfect together, including us…I pictured a whole future with him and now that is all gone. He told me the reason for the break up was the distance… after being together for two whole months, he told me he just wanted me there all the time… he thought our relationship was affecting things in a negative way in terms of always being in constant communication (Would get in the way of school). We didn’t speak for a whole week but then he messaged me asking if I was okay… Of course I responded because I still care about him… now more than ever as he tells me he is having a really hard time… he cant sleep, hes drinking, not motivated in school… he keeps telling me that I deserve so much better than him and cant understand what I possibly see in him. He tells me that no other girls interest him, he constantly thinks about me and is having a really hard time. He says things like “I have a feeling I’m going to come find you when I’m done school”, “I keep thinking about my future…and what version of me will be happy. Is it with or without you? Will I live this great feeling of regret all my life? Was I blind… young and stupid… reckless and scared shitless or just stupid…” I just don’t know what to do anymore… I know we shouldn’t be talking as we both need time to heal… but we love each other so much.. I’m so worried about him.. I feel that there is something deeper… that has to do with how he views himself which lead to our breakup… I don’t know what to do or what to think… please help…

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Me May 9, 2016 - 3:57 pm

Hi Sarah… I just lived the same situation as you. I visited my ex for 3 months and we broke up when I came back.
It’s been 2 months since I last saw him and a couple of weeks since we broke up.
My ex said the same things yours said. He is not good for me, can’t love me like I do, I can find someome better. Etc. In my case his low selg esteem is caused by his dad being an alcoholic. Sounds like your ex has self esteem issues too and that must be something from childhood.. But he needs to work on it by himself.
You can only make him feel worthy but still he needs to do his work

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roslynsmit April 30, 2016 - 1:24 pm

We have been dating for almost 4 years now, long distance all the way. I am from South Africa, he is from England. Both of us don’t have “professional” jobs like engineers or lawyers and bureaucracy has gotten in the way of our relationship. So we are now breaking up, once I leave Italy (where he is now) because getting a job didn’t work out as it should have… how do you get over a situation like this? All I am thinking about is how I am going to be without him, even in a LDR. I saw spending the rest of my life with him but now this. What do I do??

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Maja May 16, 2016 - 10:39 am

Hi…
My boyfriend just broke up with me, 2 days ago…He said the reason were because the distance were too much for him, and the so called ‘spark’ in our relationship were gone. We were together for half a year…
I love him, so much. And I still do. I even dare to call him my soulmate
I keep waiting for a text from him saying “I fucked up…I can’t live without you” but I know that’ll never come, as I were the one begging him not to delete me.
The thing I dont understand is all the things he said to me.
– Mine. Forever.
– Never leave me, even if I fuck up
– Imma marry you
– This is true love
Why would he say it’s true love, and that he wants to marry me, and be with me forever, if he would just break up with me?
I know, that I would NEVER break up with him, if I said that I wanted to marry him, and that it’s true love…I don’t understand…Does somebody understand???….Please help…

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Mia November 6, 2016 - 4:00 am

Girl. We are literally in the same situation!! I honestly think you deserve better. Like, honestly he would try harder. there’s a quote i read: “distance never separates those truly in love.” I understand that you wanted to make it work, but he honestly just gave up too easily and isn’t worth your time!

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Wise Senpai December 27, 2017 - 1:03 pm

I know this is a year old, and you probably already have your answer. But to be fair, six months into an LDR shouldn’t even involve declarations like that. It’d be strange in a close-range relationship as well. Try as you might, some things will never compare to being in the vicinity of the one you love. I just recently broke up in mine. And what I learned from the last two, is that both you and your partner have to be in the right stage in your life where making huge decisions and life-changing moves is possible. If you are dating someone who isn’t done with college while you’re not done with yours and neither of you are willing to move, and there’s a lot of time left until both of you are even done, you probably should just not even entertain the idea and not get together. You have to be willing to make sacrifices to be together, but I feel you also have to be in a spot in your life where it is possible and the ONLY obstacle is the distance. When you add more things that get in the way, it just makes the end inevitable. It can always happen later down the line–it has for plenty of people I know. But don’t grasp to that hope, because it also carries the possibility that it will never happen again. Move on and focus on things you want to do. Which is hard, but you’ll feel better in time. I’m already in that process and every day gets easier with distractions and friends. May we both find the happiness we crave someday, even if it isn’t with the person who we are hurting for now.

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Bram Marien June 3, 2016 - 7:31 am

Dear all,

First of all thank you all for your contributions, it makes me finally feel like I am not alone in this anymore.
I ended my LDR of 6 months with my girlfriend in Israel (I’m from Holland) two and a half weeks ago and it just hit home a short while ago. I wrote the following letter to no-one in particular but I hope some of you can resonate with my feelings. Please do share some encouraging words if you have them.

Dear someone,

I need to put something on paper. A way to let this feeling out. The shivering through my torso, my stomach making somersaults and the tide of despair and sadness making its way in my head. The loneliness, not being able to talk to somebody who resonates, someone who knows the exact combination of words that could but it all in perspective. It’s not that I don’t have the right people around – I am blessed by countless close friends – it is that nobody knows here like I do, more importantly: nobody knows us. We only existed in each others lives; and actually not even there.

We live in the past, Melbourne: for a mere 4 weeks. I cannot express what those 4 weeks were like. The picture perfect love story. A passionate, wise and humorous woman, there are plenty of them in the world, I suppose. But Irene, Irene was all of that and much more. What matters most is that she genuinely cared for me, believed in me and supported me in every way possible. Four weeks of going out for breakfast, sharing cocktails, visiting food festivals and falling in love more and more every day. The equation of happiness had never been more complete for me.

But what happens when the maths stops adding up? Irene left to travel South East Asia and I left to explore New Zealand. Two months of shitty Wi-Fi connections, time differences and solitude followed. Back in The Netherlands I spent less than 4 days to acclimatize before I took off again to be reunited with the love of my life. The first trip was difficult, I was madly in love and the sense of travelling was still glowing hot inside of me. Irene, on the other hand, just got back home and struggled to adapt to my presence in her familiar Israeli life. Nevertheless we enjoyed each other’s companies to the maximum and persuaded the ideal relationship. Several weeks after I had visited my ‘happiness equation’ started to change – I didn’t need Irene in my life as much as I used to. I felt the love slipping away, and I realised the hardest thing in a long-distance relationship: not missing somebody.

We broke up. I didn’t feel love, I didn’t miss her and the future was blurred and uncertain. It took less than 24 hours for my feelings to kick in and the pain was excruciating. It was disbelief that struck me when she told me she would: ‘You have no idea how happy that makes me’ upon my call to reunite. 6 Days later Irene visited, I could not stop kissing her, hugging her and touching her: the feelings more mutual and stronger than ever. I shared as much as I could with her in less than 72 hours: my hometown, my family, baby pictures, a coffee place, food markets: we sure know how to put time to good use. Whilst she was in the air I already booked my tickets to meet her in Israel: another two months.

Unfortunately everything went downhill from there on. The feelings of love faded and I longed for distraction. She is the dreamgirl, the jackpot, the holy grail; you name it. I would not let my longing for affection get in between us; it wasn’t worth it. In the meantime we talked about future plans: New York? Finland? Amsterdam? Every option got killed because of simple yet complicated issues: visas, the cost of education, current college careers. There is so much that prevented as to love each other, so much more than 5000 kilometers. But one does not break up with somebody you love, right? Right?! The thought occupied my mind. It affected my everyday thinking, I got cranky, distracted and unmotivated.

Sure there were difficulties in our relationship, like a normal and healthy relationship. However, distance magnifies these issues. The simplest things are hard to discuss over the phone or even FaceTime. Not being able to touch somebody when they cry, or to shout when you’re mad: it’s excruciating. For god’s sake! I got annoyed because I was being tagged in puppy videos a couple times a day: not a good reason for a big ass fight. Another pressing topic: when to communicate. It frustrated me to cancel plans with my friends to go talk to my girlfriend and just sit around not really saying much. It is not that I did not want to see her, it is more that there was other fun stuff happening. My heart did not skip a beat when her name popped up on my screen. These were all signs for me things weren’t good. But still breaking up seemed nonsense, I love her. These things are temporarily and we will get through it!

The weeks passed and the relationship still felt somewhat uncomfortable, forced even at times. Pressing on for the greater good, for the future. A future together. I was seriously worried that I would not find her when I walked into the arrivals hall in Tel Aviv, but there she was: she was so gorgeous. A cinnamon like skin, her style, beautiful exotic appearance and everything dominated by an impenetrable smile. We kissed. We were back. On the train ride back to her house I jokingly called her Mrs. De Hoog. Love took control. I don’t really experienced the days that followed; they happened to me. The happiness equation was fully restored again with our bodies and minds aligned again. No longer limited to busy schedules, phone connections, time differences, tiny problems or pressure from others: just our love and nothing else.

Still, there was something missing in our chemistry it didn’t completely add up. I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it was because we both felt forced to enjoy our time. The pressure of my flight back, the pressure to make the most of it; it somehow constrained us. At the airport we kissed as if it were the last time we would ever see each other, and it was. Did I know that beforehand, I’m not sure; maybe subconsciously. We texted all the way through the security checks and I had tears escaping the corners of my eyes. I deleted the voice recordings we send each other, aware of the flood of tears it would bring were I to listen to it.

Then one night something happened what I was expecting for a while already: I kissed another girl. Nothing special, a mutual friend during a night out. I was disgusted yet oddly excited. Something finally happened again in my life. Was this the chemistry I was missing during my last visit to Israel? When I spoke to my girlfriend again I felt awkward, but one thing was certain: she could not find out. Then it all came together in my head. I am not in love, I do not miss her – HELL I even look for happiness in other woman! But what about our future together? An utopia. A week later I broke up with her. I was in class when she asked me the exact words: ‘Do you want to break up with me?’ I replied: ‘Of course I do not want to break up with you, but there is no other way’.

The most painful conversation in my life followed. I fled to the forest, I had to be alone. I was cold, showed little emotion. I knew it was going to happen, always had known it. I told her my reasons very calmly. She was hysteric, she cried and yelled at me. She was right. I took it all in. Eventually my emotions kicked in as well of course. It didn’t make any sense, but I had to hurt myself. Ever worse, I had to hurt her. For what? The bigger picture? Rational decisions? My head processed it in a very inhumane way, like I am some kind of machine. It made me sick. I looked the woman I love in the eye and told her that I give up. I feeling still creeps up my spine when I write that line. That is not me.

Relief followed. I was either drunk or hang-over the following 72 hours. We spoke once, I persisted. Occasionally I let my feelings in and cried. But for most of the time I block all emotions, completely mundane. I still do. When I talk about I make jokes, I evade the real topic. I want to talk about it but I hate to burden others. I want to run away.

‘’It is better this way’’, ‘’you weren’t happy’’, ‘’at least you tried’’, ‘’things will get better’’, ‘’She lives in Israel, what did you think?!’’, ‘’I already like you better now that you’re single’’. These are things my loved ones told me, nothing really hit home. It is all true, rationally. My reasons to break up are legit – as for as that could actually be a thing – but still, I feel miserable. A feeling of anxiety if hunting me.

She deleted me from Facebook, the final reality check. Now I feel hopeless, looking for happiness in another woman whilst knowing I won’t find it. Seeking constant distraction so I don’t have to think about. When the distraction is gone, I collapse. I cry. I curse myself. I want to escape. I want to go back. I want studying to be free. Visas to be flexible. And love to persist.

I hate myself for what has happened, she does not deserve this at all. She is the one I could easily spend my whole life with. But we can’t. It has been almost three weeks and I am close to despair. I know there is no going back, I made a rational – ice cold – decision, we have no realistic future. But now I feel like I can never love again. There will never be someone ”better” than her.

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Deadperson June 10, 2016 - 10:09 am

Dear Bram,
I read your story and i am extremely touched!!
I cried but i just hold my tears because im sitting somewherr people can see me and i dont like people seeing me cry …

I am currently in longdistance relationship and maybe breaking up for similar reasons, money, cultural differences…etc
Im not sure are we compatible in personality too.. but i love him so much (he is from japan and i am from iraq) such a combination..
Ive been discovering things that make my life so difficult and hard to take if i move to live with him (since iraq is not safe definitely we wont live in iraq so i need to move to live with him also in iraq culturally a woman moves and follows her man)
Anyway i am so feeling down.. sometimes i want to think rationally and cold maybe break up is better since we are both going to have a hard time but i know it will feel bad.. what to do i dont know….

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ROuri September 13, 2017 - 9:58 am

Hello !!!!! I’m so sad to read this. It thouches me so much. I’m dealing with pretty much the same thing right now and reading your words makes me understand my ex more… I hope things got better?

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Piyush Khosla December 27, 2017 - 12:46 pm

Man, I am kind of in a same situation at the moment, but she ain’t giving up. She is one of the stongest girls I have ever seen in my life, but my heart is not able to decide whether we should give another chance or not. It is so hard. LDR is the experience that I should cherish it that I will be with her one day, or should I just listen to my heart at the present moment. The mind keeps boggling, and I end up hurting her and myself.

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Courtney Jenkins June 14, 2016 - 12:35 pm

My boyfriend just broke up with me after being long distance for 11 months, it’s not long but it was the happiest I’ve ever been. He’s been down with everything and hasn’t been happy in the relationship and outside with school and work and his friends ect. I have to accept he needs to do it for him but I don’t know if I should wait to see if he wants to come back when he’s happy in himself again or just try to move on and accept it wasn’t supposed to happen.

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Savannah June 28, 2016 - 12:30 am

The guy I used to be in a long distance relationship with “broke up” with me 5 months ago, after I saw on Facebook that he went on a date with another girl. We had always told each other that of one person didn’t want to wait on the other, then we would be in an open relationship, until the distance situation would clear up. Well he went out with another girl, Valentine’s Day, and never told me about I till I confronted it about it via text message. We had this long fight on our agreement we had with each other that we would always wait on each other, but also be with other people. I was fine with it till he he actually did it. We agreed to just be friends, and it’s still amazing talking to him everyday. But I know he has a girlfriend that he is with everyday, because they also work together, should I still be talking to him even though I still believe we have a chance to be together?

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Jasmine July 26, 2016 - 10:00 am

My boyfriend and I, well my now ex, have been in a long distance relationship for 8 months. We have been together for 1 year and 8 months. He is in the marines and lives approximately 4,000 miles away. We were having our ups and downs but I just knew that we could make it through. He broke up with me yesterday a week before he was supposed to come home for leave and I don’t understand why. We had broke up once before, but he realized that he wanted me back after 2 months so we got back together. But this time I guess it’s better that we don’t. I know that seeing him when he comes home is the worst thing for me to do, but I don’t know if I can fight it. After missing someone for 8 months how do you stop yourself from seeing them, especially when they are the one that suggested it? Should I not see him? What do I do?

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Lili August 11, 2016 - 11:04 am

I am very confused right now. I have been with this guy for almost three years before he went back to his country. We were in a LDR for a year when he told me his parents wanted him to marry someone else. He couldn’t comeback to my country because of mandatory military service and he needs his parents money to have it settled. I asked him if we should break up but he didn’t want to as I was one of the reasons he wanted to leave their country. He told me he didn’t like the woman so I agreed to be patient with our new setup. It’s been 7 months that he told me about her, I am not sure if they have gotten married as we never discussed her. Things between us has gotten worse since he we rarely talk. Last time we had a normal conversation he told me felt like in a jail. There are even times that when I talk to him, she ends up replying to me which is very frustrating and painful. He told me to wait for him to send a message first. It was hard because I miss him so much. Today, I begged her to let me speak to him as we haven’t had any contact for almost a month. She was so happy to be playing with me, to have the upper hand and she was literally laughing at my misery. It is so painful that he lets her do whatever she wants. He even told me with her on his side, through chat that he is not doing anything to me, I should blame my attitude for my sufferings. What does it mean? Is he ending things between us? Is it just all acting so she won’t tell on him to his parents? At the back of my head, Im expecting for him to contact me to apologize. If ever this is the end, I wanted us to talk properly. Please help me.

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LePlant August 25, 2016 - 2:16 am

Its been 3 days since i ended a LDR of about 5 years, i feel empty, lonely, extremly sad and frustrated among many other million emotions, it wasnt the way we would liked to be.
I gave him all i could ever give someone, but as we are in different situations i think he never saw all the things that i did for him.
He will never understand it i wish we could be together at some point of ourlives but i know it wont happen.

Be in a LDR is totally different from any other relationship,you reach to that point were u can almost feel what they are feeling just by listening his voice through the phone or reading a text he sent.

I am so used to be with him, that i feel lost.
But i know that what i did was thebest for me and even for him too.

I dont regret anything. He was the man of my life and always will.

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Sarah bloom September 1, 2016 - 11:46 pm

Reading this has really helped me. I can’t stop crying. We’ve been broken up for a week now and it’s been the worst. We were dating for a year and then he had to go off to college. I thought that the best thing to do was let him go live his life and if we were meant to be our paths would cross again but he insisted that we stayed together and worked though the distance for a happy future. And of course I agreed, I loved him more than anything. He wasn’t just my boyfriend he truly was my best friend. We said our goodbyes at the airport, cried our eyes out but we had so much hope that we we’re gonna work out. Once he got to college he got pretty busy but we still made time in our day to FaceTime or text and talk about our day. I had planned a trip in November to go and see him and We were counting down the days. Things were going really good. We got the hang of the whole living apart thing even though it hurt. But at some point things just started to change. We both were getting sassy with eachother and we started to fight more but Everytime we would get over it and move on because we loved eachother so much and we were looking at the bigger picture. But I noticed we were just running in circles we’d fight, forgive, repeat. Honestly it was so hard because if we were just physically together none of this would have happened. We broke up and a few hours later he called me and told he it was the worst mistake of his life and he doesn’t wanna go through that again and neither did I. So we got back together and tried to make it work but things just weren’t the same and he completely gave up ( the one thing he said he would never do ). As of right now I am in so much pain and it’s like a shock to me that someone who’s apart of your everyday life can leave just like that. Im trying to think positive and hope for the better. There’s a quote that I read in a book “it always feels like there’s just one person in this world to love, and then you meet someone else and you wonder why you were ever so worried in the first place.” That quote really gave me a piece of mind and it made me feel a lot better

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Ayesha September 8, 2016 - 11:16 pm

Ive been dating this really amazing guy for about 9 months and i know thats not that long but he made me so happy even with the distance he lived in California and me in Pennsylvania. We were having some trust issues and recently broke up it was the hardest breakup ive ever went through

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Jinnie September 24, 2016 - 7:49 pm

Similar to my situation, me n my jap was in LDR 9 months, last two weeks finally we meet up in Tokyo. We having a very very sweet times, n he is so good n caring man to me, even holding my name with nice drawing card to welcome me in the airport.but u know jap guys always put work as priority, and during my 6 days visit, he can only meet me three days , I started complaining and I went out meeting with my Jap guy Fren for reunion( I told him before) , thing happened after I meet my guy Fren, my BF send me a text to tell me he don’t like I meet guy in Tokyo. And he refused to meet me again for the next day(sunday I suppose to see him again and we plan to have homecook at his house and spend the quality time together) unfortunately I had make him get angry cause of the guy I meet was someone I was about to date before I met my bf, I try to explain to my BF and apologised to him, he told me he was sad because I meet some others man during my visit to him, due he is busy working and I meet the guy that he jealous to. I know was my bad for hurting him, but I actually told him on the second days that I will meet this guys when my BF is busy working overnight. He didn’t telling me he actually don’t like I meet him, so I assumed he is ok that I meet my jap Fren, anyway, he told me he need to re consider about our relationship, after I come back to my country, a week later, he send me a dump message, he told me he was in love with me, but he felt is difficult for him to maintain the LDR especially he found out our point of view are difference when come to topic of meeting guy Fren , and also take day off priority to me during my visit to Tokyo. He can’t take many day off due jap ppl work so hard. N he also busy working don’t have many holiday to visit me soon n later. He wish to remain as friend, and see me as a friend if I happen to visit tokyo again in future.
I was so upset about the message, I really love him, and I felt his love to me was so real, he touched my heart by drawing my name card holding in airport, he remember everything we chat during the 9 months, he wear the shirt which I suggest he wear, he fulfilled me and take me to do whatever I like during my visit, we hold hands in public , hugging and we share alots about our life experiences, we have so much mutual topic n hobbies. I felt so guilty as I didn’t care about his feeling before I met the jap guy( we really only Fren) I did explain many times, but in his dump
Message, he did mentioned nothing related to the guy I meeting with, but is about LDR, and he think is very difficult to him as he working busy, and he felt we have many different of lifestyle, values , English barrier n etc. I haven’t reply his message since 6 days ago I received his message. I have no idea what should I reply, i truly believe he is because of the guy and make up the decision to end our relationship, should
I reply him
And agreed we remain as friend and start my NC ? I really wish I can turn back the time ,I really love him, and I do not wish we end like this because of “missunderatanding”

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Bharat Kumar October 9, 2016 - 3:28 am

LDR’s can be heart attack for the first time lover.

It’s too painful more than anything.

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Dave November 21, 2016 - 1:37 am

I have a slightly different LDR story. About 10 years ago, my high school girlfriend and I got back together after 30 years. Both recently divorced, we have been in an LDR ever since (150 miles). We always tried to see each other every few weeks, splitting the driving each time. We talk every night, play cards, skype, etc. We vacationed together every year. In the last couple of years, it was getting harder to visit, as we both have busy jobs, and are in our 60’s. A year ago, she decided she was tired of the long distance drive, and wanted to know what our end game was. She wanted live together, or end it. She won’t leave her area, as she has grandkids now, and good friends nearby, so I would have too. I didn’t want to lose her, so I told her I would move as soon as I could, and we could buy a house together in her state, and get married. But for some reason, I can’t seem to get over the anxiety of selling my home of 30 years and moving. So, she ended it this weekend. My fault for sure, but really painful nevertheless. She says she loves me, and will always be my friend, even marry me, but only if I get my shit together, and show her I’m making a serious effort to move. She’s lost trust in me, and won’t put up with my crap anymore. So, the ball is in my court. A couple like us doesn’t happen too often, not to me anyway, and I don’t want to lose her. The only way any LDR is going to work is figure out what you both want, and if you’re on the same page, do it. It’s worth it.

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Valerie December 4, 2016 - 1:33 pm

My situation is complicated. We met when I was in London on business for a month and we immediately felt a strong connection, I came to visit every month for a week or two each time or we’d take a train from London somewhere close for a mini vacation while I was in town. After 6 months of dating LD we spoke about my moving to London and I was happy to oblige, I’d always wanted to live abroad and he was the cherry on top of my plans. I spoke to my boss about an official transfer to London and he agreed to allow it once I’d completed a project I was working on. My BF and I planned a trip on Easter and he wanted me to meet his family, everything was on track for us to lose the gap and try “for real”. 2 weeks before my departure date, Tragedy hit. I’d been feeling a little tired and had a rash on my legs that I couldn’t explain, then my mouth started to bleed quite a bit and I finally went to the Dr. After serious testing they found that I had Aplastic Anemia and PNH. My body was no longer producing white or red blood cells and my platelet count was so low if I’d fallen I would have bled out and died. They were surprised I’d been walking around NYC this way.

Needless to say it was heartbreaking for both of us. We were able to change my name to his on the plane ticket and changed the date to a time after my first Chemo treatment (called ATG) was completed. He arrived once I’d been home from the hospital, but I wasn’t strong enough to do much, which was a bummer cause it was his first time to the US and I ached to show him all the wonderful things about New York. We made the best of our time. Cooking suppers together, playing cards and making love. He stared into my eyes with tears on his cheeks and told me he was so in love with me and he’d never felt this way for anyone. This was the 3rd time he’d done this and I was so grateful to have him beside me in this difficult journey. His 4th day in town he came to treatment with me and cried when I was getting a blood transfusion, but told me he was proud of my strength and said with certainty that we were in this together.

Fast forward 5 months, I’d been on work leave and spending most of my time going to treatments, sleeping, reading and watching TV. We’d talk on the phone as often as possible and text each other like crazy all day. He’d send me sweet voice messages telling me he loved me and we’d find games to play online together to feel and keep the connection going. Since I could no longer travel, he came to NYC 2 more times and each was amazing.

I’ll admit, our time after I became sick was not always perfect. I’ve found it difficult to cope emotionally with the changes that were happening to my body and I’d often go into temporary depressions. I’d tried my best to hide it when we spoke, but during one of his visits, we were taking a romantic bath together and he made a comment about the PICC line in my arm (used for transfusions) and I barked at him… I guess I was feeling self conscious about it and wanted to still be seen as sexy and desirable. We were able to move on from that, but it’s always been one of my regrets.

One night after not seeing one another for nearly 3 months and google hangouts and facetime sessions becoming less and less, which was partly my fault cause I didn’t want him to see the way I looked on bad days, I sensed a disconnect and asked if we could see one another in person soon. He told me he had no more Holiday time and was stressed about bills so I offered to pay for his ticket to NYC and give him money to compensate for the unpaid days so he could pay his bills without worry. Very reluctantly, he agreed. It was clear he did not like me having to pay for him to come and giving extra for his bills, but I explained that if this was the only way to see one another we had to. It was just money, if I had none he would do the same for me and we needed this.

That week was great, we texted back and fourth about what we’d do while he was here and decided I’d get out to some museums with him and just wear a hospital mask and he agreed to wear one with me in solidarity. Then, much like I’ve read in the threads above, there came 3 days with no texts from him. When I texted him I got a one word response as though I were a friend, an unimportant one at that. I asked if I could call him and when I did his voice was cold and unlike the man I knew and loved. I said “you haven’t called or texted in a while” and he said he didn’t want to feel obligated to and it was just a few days, I was overreacting. This was painful, he’d always loved getting and sending texts my way, what had happened? When I asked him what was wrong and why he sounded that way, he said he “didn’t want to do this anymore”, be in a LDR. The distance was hard, he missed me all the time and he just wanted to end it.

A few days passed and I hadn’t heard a peep from him. I spoke to my Dr and she said I needed to start a new series of meds that would surly cause some serious side effects and suggested I do what I can with friends before the treatment started, so I decided to reach out and ask him to use the ticket I’d already purchased and the agreement we’d made about my helping with his bills so we can spend one last week together to reconnect and make some real decisions together, in person. He told me to give him a few days to think about it and I was on pins and needles for a week until he finally reached out, the day before he was supposed to leave and said he was not coming. In a desperate cry I told him that I wanted to feel that connection one last time and I finally admitted how scared I was about the changes in my body and the fact that my energy was depleting. Since we still hadn’t found a bone marrow match and the treatments were not working my lawyer and I set up time to get my will and power of attorney together and my mindset was everywhere, fearing the worst and dealing with all of it alone, without my best friend, my love. He said that he knew how strong our connection was and didn’t want to feel it again and had to protect himself. He said we needed some time with no contact and he’s sorry that it came at such a bad time. And that was it. Radio silence for months. This beautiful and what I thought to be strong relationship was over and I added heartbreak to my list of ailments.

Maybe he was scared about my health and how to help me from 3,500 miles away and simply want strong enough to stand beside me through these changes, maybe his pride was hurt by my paying for his trip with extra, maybe he’d fallen for someone else before the phone call and just didn’t want to admit it, or maybe it really was the distance. I’ll never know and my heart aches for answers.

It’s been a few months since it breakup and I’m forever in limbo. Maybe it would help me get over the relationship if I could go to work, have a hobby or go drinking with friends, but I can’t. There are little to no traces of my old life left and it’s the “why” and what “could/should have been” if I hadn’t gotten sick that haunt me and won’t allow me to let go. What if I’d gotten on that plane, met he parents and moved to London as planned, where would we be? Why did everything fall apart when life was going so well?

I still have not found a bone marrow match and my life consists of treatments, side effects and small goals like walking further than a few blocks each day without a break. I miss laughing and playing games with my best friend, it’s on my mind more than I’d like to admit and all I do is fantasize about being my old self again. Confident, beautiful, ambitious, energy filled Wonder Woman. A world traveler and a woman in love, ready to move forward with a Bristish prince, the man of my dreams. I fantasize about gettting a bone marrow match and working out again, getting back to full strength. I’d meet fate more than halfway and head to London in hopes that destiny would lead us to each other and we’d say all the things we need to: I’m sorry and I love you.

My mind goes back and fourth from holding on (thinking his heart must be holding on too, or why would mine feel this teather between us so strongly), and finally letting go. Erasing these obsessive thoughts is difficult to say the least.

My biggest fear? That I’ll never make it back to Wonder Woman status, that I’ll leave this earth without having said all I need to say to him, or worse, that he wouldnt want to hear it anyway.

Reply
Jinnie December 4, 2016 - 4:25 pm

We been never no contact for 1 month. I really miss him

Reply
LDR Magazine December 27, 2016 - 11:42 pm

It’ll be okay Jinnie. There’s always a storm before the rainbow. Hang in there.

Reply
Valerie December 7, 2016 - 12:33 am

My situation is complicated. We met when I was in London on business for a month and we immediately felt a strong connection, I came to visit every month for a week or two each time or we’d take a train from London somewhere close for a mini vacation while I was in town. After 6 months of dating LD we spoke about my moving to London and I was happy to oblige, I’d always wanted to live abroad and he was the cherry on top of my plans. I spoke to my boss about an official transfer to London and he agreed to allow it once I’d completed a project I was working on. My BF and I planned a trip on Easter and he wanted me to meet his family, everything was on track for us to lose the gap and try “for real”. 2 weeks before my departure date, Tragedy hit. I’d been feeling a little tired and had a rash on my legs that I couldn’t explain, then my mouth started to bleed quite a bit and I finally went to the Dr. After serious testing they found that I had Aplastic Anemia and PNH. My body was no longer producing white or red blood cells and my platelet count was so low if I’d fallen I would have bled out and died. They were surprised I’d been walking around NYC this way.

Needless to say it was heartbreaking for both of us. We were able to change my name to his on the plane ticket and changed the date to a time after my first Chemo treatment (called ATG) was completed. He arrived once I’d been home from the hospital, but I wasn’t strong enough to do much, which was a bummer cause it was his first time to the US and I ached to show him all the wonderful things about New York. We made the best of our time. Cooking suppers together, playing cards and making love. He stared into my eyes with tears on his cheeks and told me he was so in love with me and he’d never felt this way for anyone. This was the 3rd time he’d done this and I was so grateful to have him beside me in this difficult journey. His 4th day in town he came to treatment with me and cried when I was getting a blood transfusion, but told me he was proud of my strength and said with certainty that we were in this together.

Fast forward 5 months, I’d been on work leave and spending most of my time going to treatments, sleeping, reading and watching TV. We’d talk on the phone as often as possible and text each other like crazy all day. He’d send me sweet voice messages telling me he loved me and we’d find games to play online together to feel and keep the connection going. Since I could no longer travel, he came to NYC 2 more times and each was amazing.

I’ll admit, our time after I became sick was not always perfect. I’ve found it difficult to cope emotionally with the changes that were happening to my body and I’d often go into temporary depressions. I’d tried my best to hide it when we spoke, but during one of his visits, we were taking a romantic bath together and he made a comment about the PICC line in my arm (used for transfusions) and I barked at him… I guess I was feeling self conscious about it and wanted to still be seen as sexy and desirable. We were able to move on from that, but it’s always been one of my regrets.

One night after not seeing one another for nearly 3 months and google hangouts and facetime sessions becoming less and less, which was partly my fault cause I didn’t want him to see the way I looked on bad days, I sensed a disconnect and asked if we could see one another in person soon. He told me he had no more Holiday time and was stressed about bills so I offered to pay for his ticket to NYC and give him money to compensate for the unpaid days so he could pay his bills without worry. Very reluctantly, he agreed. It was clear he did not like me having to pay for him to come and giving extra for his bills, but I explained that if this was the only way to see one another we had to. It was just money, if I had none he would do the same for me and we needed this.

That week was great, we texted back and fourth about what we’d do while he was here and decided I’d get out to some museums with him and just wear a hospital mask and he agreed to wear one with me in solidarity. Then, much like I’ve read in the threads above, there came 3 days with no texts from him. When I texted him I got a one word response as though I were a friend, an unimportant one at that. I asked if I could call him and when I did his voice was cold and unlike the man I knew and loved. I said “you haven’t called or texted in a while” and he said he didn’t want to feel obligated to and it was just a few days, I was overreacting. This was painful, he’d always loved getting and sending texts my way, what had happened? When I asked him what was wrong and why he sounded that way, he said he “didn’t want to do this anymore”, be in a LDR. The distance was hard, he missed me all the time and he just wanted to end it.

A few days passed and I hadn’t heard a peep from him. I spoke to my Dr and she said I needed to start a new series of meds that would surly cause some serious side effects and suggested I do what I can with friends before the treatment started, so I decided to reach out and ask him to use the ticket I’d already purchased and the agreement we’d made about my helping with his bills so we can spend one last week together to reconnect and make some real decisions together, in person. He told me to give him a few days to think about it and I was on pins and needles for a week until he finally reached out, the day before he was supposed to leave and said he was not coming. In a desperate cry I told him that I wanted to feel that connection one last time and I finally admitted how scared I was about the changes in my body and the fact that my energy was depleting. Since we still hadn’t found a bone marrow match and the treatments were not working my lawyer and I set up time to get my will and power of attorney together and my mindset was everywhere, fearing the worst and dealing with all of it alone, without my best friend, my love. He said that he knew how strong our connection was and didn’t want to feel it again and had to protect himself. He said we needed some time with no contact and he’s sorry that it came at such a bad time. And that was it. Radio silence for months. This beautiful and what I thought to be strong relationship was over and I added heartbreak to my list of ailments.

Maybe he was scared about my health and how to help me from 3,500 miles away and simply want strong enough to stand beside me through these changes, maybe his pride was hurt by my paying for his trip with extra, maybe he’d fallen for someone else before the phone call and just didn’t want to admit it, or maybe it really was the distance. I’ll never know and my heart aches for answers.

It’s been a few months since it breakup and I’m forever in limbo. Maybe it would help me get over the relationship if I could go to work, have a hobby or go drinking with friends, but I can’t. There are little to no traces of my old life left and it’s the “why” and what “could/should have been” if I hadn’t gotten sick that haunt me and won’t allow me to let go. What if I’d gotten on that plane, met he parents and moved to London as planned, where would we be? Why did everything fall apart when life was going so well?

I still have not found a bone marrow match and my life consists of treatments, side effects and small goals like walking further than a few blocks each day without a break. I miss laughing and playing games with my best friend, it’s on my mind more than I’d like to admit and all I do is fantasize about being my old self again. Confident, beautiful, ambitious, energy filled Wonder Woman. A world traveler and a woman in love, ready to move forward with a Bristish prince, the man of my dreams. I fantasize about gettting a bone marrow match and working out again, getting back to full strength. I’d meet fate more than halfway and head to London in hopes that destiny would lead us to each other and we’d say all the things we need to: I’m sorry and I love you.

My mind goes back and fourth from holding on (thinking his heart must be holding on too, or why would mine feel this teather between us so strongly), and finally letting go. Erasing these obsessive thoughts is difficult to say the least. My biggest fear? That I’ll never make it back to Wonder Woman status, that I’ll leave this earth without having said all I need to say to him, or worse, that he wouldnt want to hear it anyway.

I used to come to this site for cute ideas on how to show love from so far away, now I could use some advice. When I get better, should I try to get him back? Take the leap to London?

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P. February 26, 2017 - 3:22 pm

Hi Valery, this was a really sad story to read 🙁 I hope you are doing better now!! Any updates?

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rNika March 20, 2017 - 12:11 pm

I’ve been over 3 years in ldr with an asian boy without meet each other these years ( we met online) Finally he broke up with me because he can’t meet me soon, Im very sad and its painful because he doesnt text me ,When I try talk with him just talks me for hurt me.Im very sad I don’t know what happened for what he treats me like that.I miss him so much eventhough I must move on because nothing will change..I won’t have a ldr ever It’s waste time.

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Hipku June 7, 2017 - 10:43 am

My stry is really to.much painfull.I meet a girl onlin in fb last 6yr ago.We never meet with each other she loves me a lot before but she sudnly changed in behaviour last 1month ago she blaming me for everything and saying breakup.This wad my 1st love and she her his 2nd.i m really broken frm inside .the way of talking her her like she meet somone.Feeling of replacement and guilt inside my heart.I love her but she never i think she.What to do now is she ever back.

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Ryan Canaday June 10, 2017 - 5:35 am

For 5 years I was friends with her, living in the same country, we had both liked each other on and off, but never had the courage to tell the other…plans changed and my family moved away (to the other side of the world).

We kept in contact over the next month talking like close friends. One day she popped the question if I liked her. I said yes and she confessed she had feelings for me too. Over the next month this relationship grew into reffering to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.

I was deeply in love with her, as she was with me. I admit, at times it was hard, but I persisted and didn’t give up. Then one day, after 8 months into our relationship, she sent me a message saying that the distance hurt her too much and that she wanted to take a break and just be ‘friends’ (she had never said anything about this beforehand).

That hurt, I didn’t know what to do, all I knew is that I didn’t want this akward relationship. I said that I wanted all of her or nothing…hoping she would chose the first option. I was wrong, she broke up with me.

In a frantic I pleaded for her back (which was a mistake), I was desperate and looked to the internet for help and a friend who lived back there. I started this strategy called the no contact rule, well my friend talked me out of that after a week and I asked for her forgiveness.

She accepted, but was mad at me, she said I acted childish (she knew I used the internet) and refuses to talk about our relationship. I just want to know where I went wrong, so I don’t redo my mistakes. I asked her if we could Skype in a couple weeks and catch up to which she agreed. In the meantime we’re both in an akward position, are we strangers now? Friends? Its a struggle, this person that I used to talk to everyday and never wanting to stop to not knowing what to say in fear of driving her further away.

I know at least for now, there’s little to no chance of getting her back, which I have accepted…I know there’s no undoing the mistakes I’ve made…but hopeful, that one day we may get back together…but, if its not meant to be, willing to learn from my mistakes and move on.

(I somehow managed to keep my anger dowm while writing this.) – It hurt, I was mad at her, J managed to hold on while she was looking out for her well being. When I asked her why she didn’t talk about it beforehand, she said she had thought about it for a while and the reason is she didn’t want to hurt me. If she had discussed it beforehand, we could have worked it out (at least I hope we could’ve). Instead she actually hurt me by breaking up with me. What hurt the most is that she didn’t hold up for long, and when the going got togh, she bailed also the fact that she didn’t talk about it beforehand. Sorry about this tamgent…just wanted to clarify that I was mad.

Reply
PIE August 5, 2017 - 4:51 am

Reading all these has really resonated with me, and even helped me a little. I’ve been in a LDR for the past 9 months, known the guy for over a year. To start off with things were great, he was incredibly into me and wanted to marry me and snap me up before anyone else could, always showering me with affection and loving messages and even saying he would gladly move to where I was (we live about 10 hrs away from each other). He would visit every month or two months and things would be perfect, but we’d miss each other like crazy afterwards.A few months ago I finally went to visit him (he was always the one visiting) for a week (he’d only ever stay 3-4 days) and I could tell after the 4th day he was getting tired of me. He told me he couldn’t deal with not having his own space, and that it wasn’t me, but just the way he was. Warning bells set off in my head but I ignored them thinking we could still work it out. Slowly but surely things started to change, after a while the messages weren’t filled with as much sentiment as they used to. I called him and wanted to know what had changed, he said he wasn’t blinded by the feeling of falling in love anymore and that the distance between us wasn’t bothering him as much as it was bothering me. He also told me it was unlikely he’d ever want to live with another person again since he enjoys his own space so much and it ended his past relationships. Despite this he said he still wanted to move to my city, and so I was hopeful again things would work out. Two weeks ago I told a friend about my situation, and she said it sounded terrible and that our relationship was doomed. I freaked out and called him to talk about it, and he agreed that he wasn’t putting in enough effort and that he should start seriously looking into moving here, which made me happy to hear. However, over the next week I could tell something was off with our conversations, but I did my best to ignore it. Finally yesterday we had another call and it turns out he was feeling pressured into moving close to me, and that he didn’t have the drive to go through with it anymore. He also said he wasn’t interested in having a serious relationship and didn’t want to commit, even though he still loved me and cared for me. I cried so much, realising that now it was pretty much the end. We haven’t officially ended things yet, and he’s going to visit in about a weeks time so we can talk things out in person, but after everything that’s been said, I have zero hope for us, as if we continue going on as we are I’ll be miserable, and if I pressure him into moving here again, he’ll be miserable. I’m hoping his visit will give me some closure and allow me to start the process of moving on, however it hurts so much to know he won’t be in my life anymore. This was my first relationship too, he was my first kiss, my first everything. I’m terrified of losing him but at the same time I know there’s no other way.

Reply
Olivia September 5, 2017 - 11:09 pm

I just broke up with my boyfriend last week. We were together for 1 year and 8 months in a LDR. I was with him this whole summer (one month and a half), and when I came back he was really acting weird and he stopped calling me baby, etc. during the last month I was super nice with him and always said nice stuff and everything because I felt he was not ok. After all, he just stopped texting me during a whole weekend and answering my texts with “OK”. And then he asked me for a break. A break? I’m supposed to come and see him in 2 weeks. I’m so devastated, it’s been almost 5 months that I bought these tickets for his birthday. I didn’t accepted the break because we wanted to talk in person.. Well obviously he wanted to break up in person and I’m so weak for this. I’m just afraid of what’s happening. He told me he loves me so much and that I am the one, but is not the perfect time to be together. But if were not together now.. we will never be together..
I’m so broken.. It was me who decided to move to his country. But only after 3 years, after my studies.
Yesterday, I texted him to tell him that I was going to cancel my flight and he didn’t even cared 🙁 He just said are you sure? Why?

I’m so broken, should I fight for this relationship?

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Chelsea September 23, 2017 - 10:24 am

I just recently come out of a LDR. I’m in the UK, he is in east USA, we met online 4 and a half years ago, we were best friends for the first two, spoke a few times a week, then we both had not been unlucky in our own separate relationships so eventually we gave it ago with each other, we had our ups and downs, mostly cos of his fault with an alcohol issue, I tried to support him through those years, the last few months got bad, to the point I was getting depressed and it was affecting my college life, he ended up in hospital to be observed cos he was being stupid with knives and alcohol and was on suicide watch but it was just attention seeking , I told him I would only give him one more chance for him to get clean and stay clean, it worked for a few months, he got his life together, got a new job, things were looking up for him, money was finally being saved and talks of meeting in April 2018 were floating around, then recently it started up again, the alcoholic behaviours surfaced, he tried to deny it, I found out from a person in the same household as him that it was true, this broke my heart, i cried for almost two days off and on, I gave him all my time, effort and encouragement and that last chance. Life being good to him wasn’t enough for him to stay clean. Now I feel alone as ever, he was my go to person, we aced a long distance relationship, Skyped every single day once our days were out of the way, on our shared days off we planned stuff together, cooking, diy projects, movies, anything we wanted to do. If we was busy doing our own things, messaging was our communication. I miss him already, he was so involved in my life and now I feel lost and alone without him but I know I deserve better and that is why I told him if he ever can get help and stay clean he can come find me ( I think was my little bit of hope that he would clean up and fly to me one day, it probably wont happen but I needed to find a positive in it all I suppose.) I’ve been through a breakup before, this feels different though, we was connected emotionally, especially cos a physical connection has always been an absence. I just feel as though I never want to trust or love another person after this. If you’re going through a breakup and need a way to reach out for support or just to get things off your chest email me on chellybbe@yahoo.com if you like 🙂

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Alejandra October 17, 2017 - 5:15 pm

My boyfriend for 3 years broke up with me a few months ago. The reason he gave me was that I was too different because of my culture, that he needed to date someone of his own race. That hurt me so much. It seems racist to me and I feel that I don’t know him or ever did, even though we were lovers and best friends during those years. And I feel silly for not having realized all the signs, which indicated that he was not as committed in the relationship as I was, even though he said he wanted to marry and have a life together.

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Anna December 1, 2017 - 3:50 pm

Yesterday things ended with my boyfriend of 4 years. I am 21 and he is 26. We began being together when I was 18 and he 21. We have had one of the most unexplainable relationships. We loved each other like no other. It felt like we never left the honey moon phase. Safe to day we didn’t get on each others nerves but we never scream fought.. we’d always walk away and come back and talk things out when angry. We were such a perfect match. And we still are. Never got bored of being together we were everything to each other. Then he had gotten a job that moved him out of state for 8 months out of the year and then he’d come home for the summer and then leave again. Of course this was only temporary until he got to a certain point in his career that they would fly him to where he needed to be on a weekend basis. He moved in the second year of our relationship in the fall. That was such a hard time for me. I couldn’t move with him because not only did he want me to stay in the same school and not continually transfer every semester, but I also wanted him to enjoy living with other guys doing the same thing. We were still young and I didn’t want to leave my life for him even though he is everything to me. We got through that fall with a struggle but we spent a nice holiday together and then a nice anniversary in January. The spring went by even better, I got through school without having to drop any classes and ended with a 4.0. He came home through half of it but then we spend a fun summer together and then he had to leave again. The beginning of the year got overwhelming for me I had started 2 new jobs.. started taking harder courses and tried to give the relationship all I could and it was just so hard for me. We saw each other for a couple of days in October and then he went back. His life got crazy with his schedule and we found out we were barley going to see each other for anytime during either holiday. We began to fight more and just weren’t happy. It was becoming more work than anything. Finally both of us over the phone crying our eyes out and he decided to call it off. I felt that he needed a little break and I felt the same. Then I began to speculate he was cheating on me because I had seen something he wrote that would almost indicate he was, which didn’t feel right because he had never been a liar even in previous relationships when his ex wanted an open relationship he didn’t run into other girls bed even though they had a crummy relationship. We waited a week, he had texted me and we texted on and off for a couple of days but it hurt me to much to text him so I stopped and began to let the cheating thoughts sink in and found more of what I didn’t want to see. I finally couldn’t take it and texted him telling him I knew he was cheating and we talked on the phone for almost two hours about this break up. He said he had never cheat while in the relationship but had sex with someone after our breakup while intoxicated.
He said he had been devastated every day that it had been killing him, and that he felt that I needed to experience more of dating and begin with other people especially since this wasn’t the ideal relationship for me and it had been my first. He felt that it was affecting me too hard from getting what I needed to get done done. Ultimately he is right.
He said that I was the perfect woman for him for anyone and thanked more for being the most wonderful person. He said he had hope that one day we will find each other again but didn’t want me to think and hold on to that and move on.
It was good closure but now I’m hurting more than ever. I said we need closure in person and upon which I wanted to check his phone. He agreed and I talked about being friends along the road and keep in contact a couple months from now, because we ultimately are best friends like no other.
Im just having a hard time thinking whether or not we made a mistake in not keep trying to make this work. Because there were points it was working… just other life things got in the way and handling it became a little harder to do at times. I always believed if you can get through the hard times its the one that sticks.. but also believe in being the age that I am in finding who I am without him. So its so hard to say…. I have such hope we will stay in touch and one day we will come back together.

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Andrea December 17, 2017 - 6:07 pm

I’m only 15 and I have just recently experienced my first ever break up from a long distance relationship. It’s really hard for me because I’ve been with him for almost a year and we’re so apart from each other that the feeling of (maybe) never seeing him again hurts like hell. Only two of my friends and my sister knows about this and i’m scared to tell me parents because of how they will react. We had a lot of things in common and that’s what I loved about him, we laughed from weird thoughts, we told each other secrets and we accepted our flaws and to be honest, there’s no other guy like him. My anxiety is really hitting me, it’s hard to move on and let go. I have help and I’m calling counsellers to talk it out with me as well as my two friends. All I need now is time with the people that care for me and no time alone.

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Becca January 7, 2018 - 9:06 am

I know this article is old but it still applies, of course. I feel the need to be writing this now. I had been in a 4.5 year-long LDR with my boyfriend whom I had actually met online. We met up after 6 months of constant talking; we shared every opinion, every detail of every day. I hadn’t been closer with anyone. We were about 12 hour-drive, 2 states apart. We met up every couple months, flying first but it cost too much as there was never a direct flight. Every day that went by we talked. Finally after 3 years or so, we decided to move in together. He came up to my state, as I signed a lease for my first apartment (mind you we are both in our mid 20s by then). I had a steady job for a couple years before we decided to move in. Now here’s where things began to manifest… We went from being so far apart, to living so close together. While this sounds like a dream, at this point I had already faced things in our relationship that haunted me.(there was never any unfaithfulness but there were secrets on his part!) I worked 5-6 days a week and he was barely keeping up work around the apartment (which I didn’t expect him to immediately find a job, but it turned into me forking over most of my paychecks to afford the place. (Good thing he was good at cleaning! However both of us struggled in the food department.) I would come home every day mentally and physically tired, as he was mostly “locked up” in the apartment. It didn’t help that the apartment itself caused a lot of stress (thoroughly check it out before renting!) and my work stressed me out to begin with. But there was a bigger problem. He had a serious issue that involved taking money from me at many times (I won’t go into detail, but most people would’ve dropped the relationship right there). These things still haunted me to this day. But we worked through it eventually. He said he didn’t wanna do that anymore, it was only his willingness to stop that allowed me to help at all. We lived together for a year and a half; I re-signed the lease because I didn’t have time to look for another place. In all this time he paid me back in numerous ways (I’m not very materialistic so the physical money didn’t matter) but I still felt I couldn’t trust him as he seemed to hide things from me. It eventually got to me snooping, which is a very destructive habit, but I actually found out a lot more than I wanted to know. He always felt homesick to boot, he was from the country and I lived in a more upbeat town (definitely not a city though!). We made plans often to drive down and see his family, which we enjoyed but I never fully could rest because I always had my job to go back to and I always had to take time off… We were planning to see his family before the upcoming holidays. Two months or more ago (Oct.), I suppose I hit my last nerve. The stress at work with the holidays, my general paranoia that I seemed to develop in the past year or so, and every little thing, seemed to hit me. I was crying for days, he didn’t seem to care at this point. We had fights over trivial matters most times and while I was always willing to admit my mistakes and move on, he was only willing to point the finger at me and never look at himself… On that late October day, (I (regretfully, and at work) sent him a message telling him that maybe he should go visit his family alone this time. It pretty much escalated into him leaving and not returning. When I got home, we talked a long time about it and he was already packing up his stuff… We agreed that it wasn’t over, but I needed time to be by myself and figure out what my issue as, t also wasn’t fair not trusting him even when he was being good. We agreed he would visit his family for the holidays, although I knew he really wanted us to move down there(I knew I couldn’t even though I’d visited many times, there’s just less opportunity out there and more room for depression)I was already set on leaving the apartment regardless. two days later (because of storming weather) he drove off in his car to go home. We both cried very much and I still do thinking about it, as that was the last time I saw him. We gave each other a little space for a couple weeks, it felt better not to worry about him so much. I put in my two months notice at my apartment and also in my job… it wasn’t what I wanted but I felt I had to stick to the plan. We still kept contact and decided we would try to make it work again. He said he’d changed his mind, that being back home didn’t set well and he in fact didn’t want to live in his home town anymore. But it was now my turn to visit still yet, as I hadn’t seen his family for 6 months at this point. It still scares me to drive alone for 12 hours although I always did most of the driving anyway. But something this time didn’t set well with me either; there was so many past pains, things I can’t forget easily as if it’s left a scar. We “broke up” nearly a couple times since he’d left here, but we still kept going, talking daily. I realized in myself I was losing interest as I know he cared a lot about me, as I care about him, but I could see in our little fights that he wasn’t as interested either. Just last night, I went out to my jobs holiday party (worked my last day the day before). I never go out and hardly have friends anymore so this was the most I had done in a long time. I knew he didn’t want me to go months before out of worry for other guys(some have hit on me but I never kept my boyfriend a secret) and the influence people have (he was always telling me about trusting him, yet he couldn’t trust me most times!) However, he let me go without much issue. I had a drink or two with my cherished coworker(an old lady!) and while I said before going that I’d only stay til 9, I ended up staying passed 10:30 at night, as they did gifts and it took a while. Before leaving I talked with some coworkers and said my goodbyes. I told my BF I was leaving when I was, and he wasn’t very happy with me. I had told him when I got there etc it wasn’t a secret. The past couple days before this infact that same day we had fought over a stupid matter and this is over FaceTime we end up arguing and I end up hanging up because he starts b*tching over something that shouldn’t even matter like a little opinion I said and it rubbed him wrongly. So upon driving home last night and not answering the phone while driving, I got very annoyed and realized just how fed up I was getting. He was questioning me about my night, which I don’t mind being asked but it feels so one-sided whenever I’d ask him where he’s been and it suddenly turns into me “accusing” him(that happened too many times). I got home and didn’t want to call him, we texted though and came to the conclusion that it was over. I really was planning on visiting him and he hopefully was going to come back with me and we’d try and start over. He put a deadline of a week for me to get there or else it’s over. At this point in our relationship I wasn’t afraid of that. What scared me more is moving back in and having the same problems arise again(which was talked about but it’s hard to progress when your bf never admits his mistakes. I never wanted to hear him admit it but it does put up a brick-wall if someone thinks they’re never wrong). While I truly was planning on making the drive down, I also had a lot of stuff here that I couldn’t just drop on muni parents and not be sure when I was going to return. He started saying mixed things; the truth comes out in times of turmoil. He started insulting my hometown and everyone in it, he’s even said bad about my parents at times which is downright offensive and disrespectful even if true. A few times in the past he even told me he wouldn’t care if I slept with someone else, although I would never do something out of spite. When he first left, I thought it was wrong because I cried constantly and couldn’t eat anything. When we mutually decided to keep it going, a LDr once again, I had felt better but I also lost sight of my life again. When he broke up with me(November), I promised myself I was going to do better for my own sake. I had plans for my own future. I lived alone for 2 months in the apartment that still haunts my vision. I always thought that the hard work would’ve paid off, and that we would eventually make it work. There would always be problems. Both of us don’t like to be submissive, but I always ended up compromising just to save us. I realize now more than ever that if things are meant to be, they will find a way. I tell myself I won’t sit here and be sad (not working now is gonna take a toll). I now have time to figure out my own life and while it seems tempting to start another relationship (definitely not!) it is more important to give yourself time to realize what exactly you want in life. Everything else falls into place when you do what you need to for your own health and happiness. I apologize for this novel I’ve written but I felt so compelled from reading here, as everyone had their own stories to share. Personally I know it’ll hit me more and I know I’ll feel alone, but I suppose the real hurt is long gone. The pain of what had happened long ago is not enough to kill me. The best advice I can give someone, is don’t ignore your own feelings. Talk about them with your partner; if they can’t handle the truth, they can’t handle you. While it might seem like a horrible thing at first, it’s better to realize your feelings NOW than to hold the in for a longer time. This is not to turn anyone off from moving in with their LDR, but it’s important to know what you’re getting into. If they keep secrets from you and get defensive about their actions, chances are it won’t get better by being closer. While this may feel like a huge loss (4.5 years of my 26 years of life, the longest relationship I’ve been in) just remember that there is more to life than being in a relationship. If you’re struggling to keep someone’s attention, you’ve already tried too hard. You can put that energy elsewhere and hope for good things to come. Just keep a good outlook and focus on your own goals; even tiny baby steps towards something is far greater than sitting stagnant and waiting for that someone to save you. Chances are, they are waiting for the same thing and you’ll end up with a stalemate. The best thing I could’ve done for myself the past couple months, was to admit my own feelings. To admit that something wasn’t right and that we were keeping up a lie as fear of hurting. There was times he opened up a little bit, but I believe his own guilt was too much to bare and he was too proud to admit anything. This is the greatest lesson of love I’ve learned thus far; you can fall too deeply in it and be blind to what’s really going on. I urge anyone to take hold of their lives and do what they really have wanted to do. Don’t be impulsive and destructive; admit your mistakes and learn from them. Good things come to people who are willing to share something positive with someone else. I’m leaving my job, I had realized just how many people actually cared about me, told me how funny and upbeat I was. My BF never saw the good in me; if I didn’t do it for him then why was I doing it? Needless to say I believe these days will be easier when I don’t have to worry about him anymore. I do care about his health and safety, but I am not his mother nor is he a child. I believe we had both taught each other lessons; things happen for a reason. Don’t forget to be true to yourself as many have told me over the years and I never truly grasped the importance of that. At the end of the day, you are with yourself and only yourself. You should be happy with what you have, be grateful for another day as life goes on. You’ll meet other people and realize things happen as they should; if he comes back into my life, it will only be when we’ve helped our own selves before trying to rely on someone else. Thank you for reading and I hope this gives someone insight and hope- Remember, you cannot fill someone else’s cup when yours is empty.

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LDR Magazine January 15, 2018 - 7:57 pm

Hey Becca,

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure it’ll help out a lot of other couples who may be in the same situation you’re in. It’s never easy to end a long term relationship, but sometimes it’s for the best.

Thanks again for stopping by.

xoxo,
Sunny & LDR Mag

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kate January 12, 2018 - 8:33 pm

wow.. all of these have hit me right into my heart. I was in a long distance relationship of 2.5 years. the biggest issue being I live in Canada he lives in the US. I have many regrets on my part for not trying harder. I catch myself getting so utterly mad at myself. The experience changed my life i learned so so much from this man. I miss him deeply. I have so much self work to focus on – my biggest takeaway from this relationship. I am heartbroken but I will get through this and I know he will too. I wish him every ounce of happiness and success.

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LDR Magazine January 15, 2018 - 7:53 pm

Hey Kate,

Thanks for dropping by! It’s so amazing to hear that you wish your ex well, I know how hard that is to do fresh out of a breakup. While you’re probably feeling the heartbreak pretty hard right now just know that we’re rooting for you! We wish you so much happiness & healing in the future. You can do this, and it’ll get better with time.

xoxo,
Sunny & LDR Mag

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Harjeet Singh March 4, 2018 - 2:05 pm

On this page!! All people are looking like my friends.. very dear friends!!.. i was in a long distance relationship..
4December, 2017 to
22 February, 2018..
about two months and 21days.
I am from India and my gf was from Brazil..
She broke up our relationship…
i was very optimistic for our future but she broken my every dream. My love was true for her and i still.. We both spent our nights and days on video calls… When battery of phones was getting down.. we were put charger and talk continuously… We were look at each other very much time without speaking something… We were did flying kisses like crazy people.. I shared my every secret to her.. she also shared with me.. that 2 month and 21 days were gone like Paradise… One day during video call she cried for me because fear of lose me.. we both were crying for each other.. that was proof for our true love.. But she broke up with me without any suddenly on 22 February..
She left a sms in my Facebook messenger that..
“I will never speak with you more.. Please never think more in me.. Bye for ever.”.
After reading this message i was totally shocked and cried loudly… that pain was most powerful pain in my life.. After that sms.. i never receipt her more sms.. i never see her online she blocked me.. after some
days of breakup she changed her profile pic to a skull.. after tht day she deleted her Facebook account..My sister was noticed her these activities because i was unable to understand something.. She never blocked me on whatsapp yet but she never came online after that day and i am sure that she also deleted whatsapp account and bought a new sim card.. She played with my feelings.. I was admitted in hospital for 4 days because of that painful moments… now i am in home but only crying… i am crying continuously and only crying.. i am writing this post and crying very much… i don’t know what to do more.. i don’t wanna live more… now i don’t have fear for death… i am waiting for my death… i never ate something from that day… i was very serious about my relationship… i hats off to that girl which took a harder decision for her life.. i couldn’t take that because i am a loser in my life… she won.. i can’t rise in my life…. I am advising to all.. PLEASE NEVER FALL IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP .
if you are starting this.. please stop.. please this is my humble request… accept my advice.. i am totally lost my brain power.. i can’t think about anything more without my love…
Her name is ” Camila Canofre”..
My name is “Harjeet Singh”.
Please never fall in long distance relationship.. i don’t wanna that your precious life will go in sorrows..
I miss you camila
my love
my life
my world
please give me one chance more..
please God…
i wanna her back..
i lost everything..
PLEASE NEVEF FALL IN LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP..
it is waste of time and very risky work..
never repeat my mistake..
My English is weak.. sorry for that..
bye!!

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Carla April 13, 2018 - 8:51 pm

I really liked this article, I was in a relationship for 25yrs when my mate met someone else and fell in love.. My entire world had spiral and I’m still trying to find myself. It was refreshing to get help from dr_mack@ yahoo. com and my lover was back

B.

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Vlad May 9, 2018 - 11:28 am

Hello, All.

I have been reading and trying to understand what feels like (I think) everything there is to know about ldr.
I am sure my story is not something of a different kind from what I have read here or somewhere else, but I am going to go ahead anyway. Probably because nobody knows this to this extent and just writing it down without actually owning a diary makes it somehow livable.
We met in our office the day she was hired.
She had this awesome Superman T-shirt, with blue jeans and red Converse; I could not take my eyes off her. Moreover, when not at work, the same thing happened with my mind.
For the next year I non-intensely tried to date her, she was in a relationship and could not be bothered.
At the same time, I tried to date several other women and none worked, it was clear then that it was she or no one else.
Then, like in any other fairy tale, it happened.
We went out on a whim one Friday warm June evening and figure out it was 3 in the morning with us talking and kissing while talking and kissing;
The rest has just been perfect; she was unbelievably lovable and I, smitten like something horribly smitten.
Everything changed the moment I told her I loved her.
We became closer, we started sleeping and each-other’s apartments and soon realized (6 months) we should move in together.
We had our little perfect place to eat fish on the beach, our little highway tune, I would often surprise her when she came from work later than I did and she would leave me little follow-through hints which finally ended on a small gift or just something nice when she was not at home.
I started feeling I needed to spend my life with this person because whatever we did as a couple or as individuals was always calibrated on “what do you think” and because whatever happened together was far better than what had happened in the previous 28 years since we had been born.
Then it happened (this is the less beautiful “Then it…”part).
One day she received a job offer and her uncertainties really started to kick in.
I noticed she had been very unsure on what she can do professionally although I think she is the most professionally accomplished woman I know, for her age.
Sleepless nights, we stopped having sex, coming home I often found her crying because she did not know whether to choose to leave the then-current job or stay.
When this started affecting our relationship by making me solely responsible for her decisions, I started acting out and looking for not being as much as home as I used to want.
One night after we have a row about me not being capable of helping her with advice, although the previous almost 4 weeks had been made up by her getting indecisive and me picking up the pieces every day, I started to think I did not want this type of person around me.
We gradually grew more apart, she became more controlling due to this and one day we just split.
For my end, I just thought even though we had been like this, it had been the worst decision.
I will cut through the next 4 months of being apart because they had been the worst 4 months of my life (we both wanted to see each other but when we did, she was realizing she didn’t want me there, this happening many several times) and somehow fuzzy, because it was then I started drinking heavily/ now recovered.
Bit I was still hoping
One day she called after things started to look promising again and we met.
She told me after applying and interviewing for the same employer for about 5 months she received a job offer in Poland (we are Romanian) and if I did not want this, she will say no, because WE were more important.
Knowing how important this was to her, I told her to go and that somehow we will figure out a way to make it work. Although I started having my doubts after 4 months of separation and resentment.
She left two weeks after we had made up.
After moving there, we saw each oher three times, her flying here and me flying there.
But I found myself not missing her in that way and not wanting to video chat all that often.
It began feeling like a chore.
When she started asking if she was important enough for me to move there, I started acting short and feeling guilty about it. I do not know how ldr works; I just hoped this was just a normal step ldrs go though at one point. Guilt started adding when she became jealous over small things like me going out of the house and after I started losing sexual attraction towards her.
She came back home for my birthday, we went to the seaside and after two months of being in a long distance relationship, all I could do was grab a beer, sit down right near the sea and cry for about an hour.
Because at that point I know that even though we had been (before the temporary separation) the type of couple about which one could write a happy ending novel, for me feelings vanished as if they were never there.
So, after two months of ldr, we came back home like two strangers. I told her I can’t do this, that I am growing apart by the day and that I see no point in me being a constant emotional burden when she has to be so focused.
And because I know it’s hard for her there, being alone, not knowing the language, struggling to have a fresh start it’s harder for me because I feel like I have betrayed her and everything that once stood as a giant one beating heart.
We have not spoken in almost two weeks.
I thought I would feel freed once I came clean to her (which was rather late) and while I don’t miss her, I know she is the perfect, most caring person I’ve known so far.
I am a strong believer in the fact that sometimes, people take the wrong decisions for themselves due to many factors.
I am now living with feeling hopeless and guilty at this point and I know she probably feels the same but beginning to talk again, I think this would be a big confuse for her and I just wish somehow time could go back to Barcelona in June 2017 (just a perfect memory) and me knowing what to do from then on.

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