
How to Decide an End Date in a Long-Distance Relationship
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Everyone says, “Don’t stay in a long-distance relationship unless you have an end date.” And while that’s a practical piece of advice, it’s not always realistic for everyone. Every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple might not work for another.
That said, if you can decide an end date in a long-distance relationship, it’s a powerful way to ground your relationship in reality and see how solid your plans to be together really are. An end date isn’t just a wishful marker on the calendar, it’s a goal that requires thought, discussion, and careful planning.
If you’re feeling unsure about how to decide an end date in a long-distance relationship, this guide will give you a place to start. While it’s not exhaustive, these tips can help long-distance couples navigate this big decision.
1. Examine Your Circumstances
Start by taking a hard look at the reasons behind your long-distance relationship. Why are you apart, and what are the factors keeping you in different places?
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Why are you in a long distance relationship?
- Are you going to a school, college or university?
- Are you working separate careers in different locations?
- Did you meet online and just aren’t able to be together yet?
- Are you both actively saving money until you can afford to close the distance?
- Are family issues holding you back?
Your circumstances often hold the key to determining when you might be able to close the distance. For example, if one of you graduates in two years, your end date might naturally align with that milestone. Or, if a job assignment ends in six months, that could set the timeline.
If your situation doesn’t provide clear answers, it’s time for deeper conversations to figure out what’s realistic for both of you. Taking time to decide an end date in a long-distance relationship will help you both feel more secure about the future.
Related: Pre-LDR Checklist: Questions to ask yourself before you start a Long Distance Relationship
2. Talk About It
Communication is everything in a long-distance relationship, especially when it comes to major decisions like setting an end date.
Here are some important questions to discuss:
- What is keeping us separate?
- What will we need to do to make this happen?
- Do you have any responsibilities that may keep or delay you?
- Are we willing to make any compromises to make this work?
- Will we move to a new location together, or will one person move to be with the other?
- Where will we live?
- How long are you both willing to wait to be together? 1 year? 3 years? 6 months?
- How much money will we need to close the distance?
- How long will it take us to save up the funds?
You don’t have to have every detail figured out immediately, but starting the conversation will help you lay the groundwork for a plan. The earlier you begin these discussions, the easier it will be to decide an end date in your long-distance relationship that works for both of you.
3. Count Up the Costs
Closing the distance isn’t just an emotional decision -it’s a financial one, too. Moving, adjusting to a new location, and starting a life together can be expensive.
Here are some financial questions to consider:
- How much will it cost for one or both of you to move to a new location?
- Is moving to a new location something either of you can realistically afford to do?
- How long will it reasonably take for you to save up money?
- Will we be able to save up extra money if unexpected things occur?
- Will you be able to get a job in the new location?
- Will you be able to afford the cost of living in the new location?
- How much will it cost to get your personal items get to the new location?
- Will you hire a professional moving company?
Discussing these questions will give you a clearer picture of what’s financially possible and help you create a savings plan to reach your goal. This step is essential if you want to decide an end date that feels achievable.
Related: 6 Money Saving Tips for Visiting Your LDR Partner
4. Leave Room for Change
No matter how well you plan, life can throw curveballs. It’s important to stay flexible and have backup plans in case things don’t go as expected.
Some scenarios to consider:
- If flying to your new location, what will happen if there are flight delays or cancellations?
- If driving, what will you do if you get a flat tire or in an auto accident?
- How will you deal with your personal items being lost, or damaged?
- If you will be renting or buying a home, how would you deal with sudden damage to your new residence?
- What happens if you’re on your way to your rental and there is another tenant there?
- How will you deal with a sudden rent increase?
- How will you deal with any delay in your plans?
Planning for potential setbacks can help you feel more prepared and less stressed if things don’t go perfectly. It’s another important step when trying to decide an end date for your LDR that feels realistic.
5. Decide Who Will Move
Closing the distance often means one or both of you will need to make a big move. This isn’t always an easy decision, so it’s crucial to discuss it openly and honestly.
Questions to ask:
- Who is in the better position to move?
- Are there career or family obligations that make it harder for one of you to leave?
- Will you meet in the middle or move to one person’s location?
These conversations might be tough, but they’re necessary to ensure you’re both on the same page about what sacrifices you’re willing to make to decide an end date in your long-distance relationship.
6. Consider the Emotional Costs
Moving to be with your partner often means leaving behind friends, family, and familiar surroundings. Before making the leap, take some time to think about how this will impact you emotionally.
Questions to reflect on:
- What am I leaving behind?
- How will I cope with being away from my friends and family?
- Will I make friends easily?
- Is the culture different from my own?
- How will I deal with culture shock?
- How often will I visit my family?
- Will I be able to afford to come back to visit my family at all?
- Will my family be able to afford to come see me?
- What about births, special occasions, deaths or medical emergencies?
- Will you be able to rush home easily if these things occur?
While being with your partner is exciting, it’s important to acknowledge the emotional challenges that can come with closing the distance. Thinking through these challenges is crucial when trying to decide an end date in a long-distance relationship.
Related: 6 Foolproof Ways to Conquer Culture Shock
7. Set Multiple End Dates if Necessary
If you’re struggling to set one definitive end date, it’s okay to create a few options:
- A “best-case scenario” date, if everything goes smoothly.
- A “realistic” date, based on what’s most likely to happen.
- A “last-resort” date, if things take longer than expected.
Having multiple timelines can ease the pressure and give you both something to work toward, no matter what happens.
Setting an end date in a long-distance relationship isn’t always easy, but it’s an important step toward building a future together. Whether your timeline is short or long, the key is to approach it with open communication, careful planning, and plenty of flexibility.
Remember, your end date is more than just a goal -it’s a promise to work toward closing the distance and starting the next chapter of your love story.
If you’ve been in a long-distance relationship, how did you decide on your end date? Share your tips in the comments!
I have been in LD relationship for 4 years, my boyfriend and I are so deeply in love, but right now i feel the pain. i miss him so much and more than ever in my life. we have not met during this 4 years but we do communicate online everyday. I talk to my boyfriend on how I feel. He shows me that he understands my concerns and feelings but we both know that it will take another couples years for us to meet. we both are not sure when or the exact dates. My boyfriend keeps telling me is going to try his very best to come to see me but nothing really happen. Although I know we both are not financially stable, sometimes I felt he is not trying his very best. In my part I just can’t because things are getting very complicated since i have left my country. i m in college, and have my mother to taking care of. Any Advice will be appreciate.
Do you think it is worth to stay in a LDRs without knowing the exact date that we both can occasionally meet again?
Hi Dieula, I’m in a similar situation.
My LDR boyfriend and I have been together for over three years and sometimes is very difficult. We dated for about four months before I moved to another state and country. I have visited him twice, but he never came to visit me. He plans, but something comes up, and he doesn’t make it. His major problem is money. He lost his job in October of 2013 and ever since he’s been struggling to survive. I kind of understand that, but sometimes it just bothers me. What I don’t like about him is that he doesn’t like talking about our future together because he says he can’t really make plans with me when his financial situations are really bad, however he plans it on his own what I think it’s unfair. He’s been telling me since I left that he really wants me to live with him( he never used the word “marriage” though), but when, how, I have no idea. I’ll be 30 in one day, and I don’t want to waste more three years of my life waiting for him to decide whenever is the best time for us to live together ( since he doesn’t use the words get married). I do love him, but I want someone who can love me, marry me, and have children with me before I get too old – for me it’s important to have kids before 35 for my own and their own safety. I’m just so confused.
I’m in mid 50s and my boyfriend is turning 60. We live 4 hrs. apart and he travels through my town about once a month. He is planning to retire next year. We had our first date 2 years ago. We met online and exchanged e mails for one month prior to our first date. It started slow just seeing each other about once a month then progressed to about 2 times a month. We have traveled together, we’ve been on two 2 week vacations and several weekend getaways. The first year I went to see him 4 times and he came to see me the rest. After a year I said I could not be making the trips so frequently. My car has 90000 miles, he makes probably 6 times what I make, and I am on a budget. So starting the second year he came to visit me more and I have only made one trip to see him. Everything has been going good. He travels alot on his job, and was combining some of business trips with scouting out future retirement locations he had heard about. He would frequently say things like “I can see us here someday”. In January I asked him what he was looking for and that led to me telling him I want to remarry someday. He said he could see me moving to his hometown next year and he asked if I would and I said yes. This February he said he loved me for first time and he says it every day now when we text or call. That made me very happy because he had never said the words before. We had even talked about how we would spend retirement;vacation time with our kids on the beach that we would have his kids for one week and mine for another. More frequent talk about “us” and the future. During our second year I have become restless and wanting to know more about where we are heading because if we are not going to end up together Im at the age where I cannot wait too long to change careers or possibly move to another state to be near my other child. Im not particularly fond of the town I live in, my previous husbands job brought us here. We have another trip planned in 5 months. I have dropped hints about looking for another job, not liking where I live, thinking about selling my house, and now it seems he does say anything anymore about our future. Five weeks ago we were on a weekend trip for a conference/vacation and he had set up an appointment with a realtor in Florida and we looked at some homes. I felt somewhat uncomfortable not knowing if it was for him or us. He also seems undecided about whether he will stay in his hometown or move to a new location after retirement. He changes his mind on that a lot. Anyway during that weekend I brought up our relationship, and it ended up I said it depends: am I going to be your wife next year? He said that he needed to be sure, I said are you not sure, and he said he was not . It hurt me so much I couldn’t enjoy myself the rest of the trip. We did not have a very happy time. It was very uncomfortable for me and there was no intimacy for us. After the trip he continues to text and calls and ends with love ya. he had shoulder surgery after our trip and is recuperating and will be back to see me in 2 weeks. I have set a deadline for after our trip in 5 months because I don’t want to end up in a ldr for too long. He knows what I want and he seems to either have cold feet, has changed his mind, or never had any intention of us being together in the first place. Its hard for me just to not care about a end date but he is also a good guy and I would hate to lose him. Would love to hear anyone’s thoughts.
lI think 6 months is enough being apart before moving in together. I wasted 5 years of my life with future fakers, eveven married one of them and it was a fraud. I dont waste my time anymore. If someone truly loves us they will move mountains to be with you. I promise!
I have been in a LDR now for 6 weeks. He knows I wont wait for many many many months having it like this. He agree not to wait too long before he invites me over. He wants me to see how it is to live in his country with him, so he will make it clear and to know I know I want to be there with him. I cant say loud enough that if someone truly loves you he will move mountain to be with you. There are no excuses or anything that can keep him away from you. If two really loves each other things are not complicated. Really it isnt.
Yes it’s be 3 months on 285th I love him will everything I have. I feel he does too.
But he suposably working on our future but won’t 5all about when how long just keeps saying soon.
That’s not good enough for me
I am starting to cry for him I miss him so much we talk everuyday sometimes 2 to 3 x a day he talks about me being his wife. ECT ECT but I guess I am trying to protect my Heart is so conning to be broken. But now it be better on end than later please advise please