Dear Mind Over Miles,
My boyfriend and I are both in college. We have been dating for almost 2 years and we survived our first year of long distance. We just had a visit recently but we’re having some issues in our relationship.
Nothing too serious, but we’re going through a rough patch. I’m a little worried though. The long distance was hard and I was really sad and missing him. I was very distracted honestly because I couldn’t stop thinking about him all the time.
I don’t want my emotions to affect my school performance this year, so I’d like to do things differently. I just need some advice on how to stop focusing on the distance and thinking about him so much that it makes me sad and distracted.
It’s hard to be away from someone you love, so it’s understandable that you miss him so much. You’re absolutely right in saying that long distance relationships are hard. And you two are awesome for not giving up. One of the hardest things about being far away from the one you love is how much you always think about them. You miss them and it can be very distracting. So here’s my advice.
You don’t have to stop thinking about him.
When you start to think about him and miss him. You don’t have to try to stop yourself instantly. Just redirect your thoughts a little. Think about how proud he will be when you finish school. Think about how each class brings you one step closer to your end date.Think about how excited he will be to hear about what you accomplished at school today. Once you associate thoughts of him with thoughts of doing well at school, it should be easier for you to focus on your work. Because instead of going back and forth between two opposing ideas, you’ve now combined them. Success at school is success in your relationship. They are now one thought.
Write it down.
Now what if you’re having an especially bad day? You can’t seem to redirect your thoughts and the emotions are killing you? Grab a pen paper. (Or tablet, computer, laptop, etc…) Write down everything you are feeling. Be as descriptive of how you feel as possible. Just let it all out. When you’re down you should feel much better and find it easier to focus. Sometimes when we feel strong emotions we just need to vent and release it before we can move forward.
I hope this advice helps you and that you do well in your studies.
Wish you the best,
Mind over miles
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