Dear Mind Over Miles,
I’m stationed in Germany, I’m in the US army. Me and my significant other are going through a horrible time with this distance (she lives in pennsylvania) I just need advice on how to ease the pain of the distance as its affecting us both very negatively.
– Wombat
Hi Wombat,
I’m so sorry to hear that you and your girlfriend are having a hard time. Please be assured that you are not alone in this struggle! The fact that other people have experienced the same frustrations you’re experiencing right now means that there IS a solution to this problem for you.
First and foremost I want to point out that dealing with distance is 99% attitude. As someone who has been in a long distance relationship myself for a number of years, I know that for many people it’s easy to say that you must keep a positive attitude as if it’s some magical cure to all our long distance woes.
But truthfully I can say from experience that if you and your beautifully patient girlfriend are going to survive your deployment, you must both have a positive attitude about your situation. So when you and you she are feeling low, always always find a way to inject something positive into your conversations and interactions together. Saying something as simple as “Baby, we can get through this” can really boost the morale of you both.
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Make a list of things you can do to make the distance easier for you both
Make a list of things you can do together while apart and then really DO those things! Send gifts, plan phone dates, mail letters. Do everything you can to keep your minds off the distance and to hyperfocus on your love for each other.
While the distance will never go away from your minds until you’re together again, you can dull some of that pain by keeping busy in showing one another affection.
Loving while apart can be one of the hardest obstacles a couple will face together, so take comfort in knowing that by making it through the test of distance your relationship will be not only stronger, but you’ll be able to face almost anything together once you are finally back in each others arms!
April 10, 2015 at 6:12 pmThis was good advice, in my opinion, and was a helpful reminder for me..I’ve been having trouble with being apart, more than ever it seems. My fiance lives in OH, I live in TN (we met in FL). Our relationship has always been long distance. We were friends for a year, and have been romantically involved for the past two years. I really understand the struggle with negativity. There have been times when I have felt like I couldn’t do this anymore. I kind of feel like that alot lately, actually – not that I would ever leave my relationship because of distance, but feeling fed up, tired of being alone, sick of the phone..yah. It sucks. But the advice is dead on: LDRs are 99% attitude. When my attitude is crappy, it affects not only me but my man. It does no good to be negative, because it is what it is. You have to persevere…rise above…and you CAN rise above it together. What I have with my future husband is proof. If I could add to this advice for wombat, I would add transparency. Don’t hold back anything. Communication is 93% body language, so when you are in an LDR you don’t have that. You can’t always pick up on the little cues, and you can’t read eachothers minds. You have to be totally open to eachother and communicate how you feel and why you feel it. Talk about the negativity and FIX it. Don’t stagnate, be proactive in your relationship. And someday, sooner than you think, you will look back and be so glad you made it through. I look forward to that day this summer, when my LDR finally ends, and I marry the love of my life. It’s worth it. Wombat, whoever you are, let your girlfriend KNOW she is worth it. Don’t assume. Remind her all the time. Write her letters, even if you hate writing. Call her every possible chance. Look at her picture everyday. Shower her with effort and love and affection, and I don’t see how she can be in love with you and not reciprocate it all. Don’t give up.