Mind Over Miles: I Shouldn’t Feel Lonely If I Have Him

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Dear Mind Over Miles,

Hi, I’ve been in a LDR for 2.5 yrs and though I should be used to it, our time difference has changed (from 1 hour to 5 hours) so we haven’t got the hang of it yet. At home my friends are kinda leaving me behind (my two best freinds are a couple now, a new couple, doing couple things, that do not include me), and I just feel really lonely.

When I’m upset I blame my BF and then apologize, but I know its not his fault but I shouldn’t feel lonely if I have him… I just don’t know what to do anymore ’cause my loneliness is putting some serious strain on the relationship.

-barcodepapel


Dear barcodepapel,

That situation can be really tough! I can definitely understand why you feel so frustrated. Being in a LDR is hard enough, but its even harder without the support of friends and family to keep you up when you’re feeling low. Now that your best friends are couple, it’s easy to see how that would put a strain on you. Not just because they are a couple that gets to be together, but also because that friendship support is no longer there (they’re probably too caught up in each other!) And trust me, being around a happy, enamored couple when your s/o is halfway across the world is no easy feat.

So rest assured, your feelings of loneliness are well founded -they’re legit. But it seems like you’re letting your frustrations carry over into your relationship, and that is NEVER a good thing to do! Instead of being frustrated and piling all of that negative energy on your boyfriend (who probably loves you a lot!) its important that YOU step up and take the needed steps to not let your loneliness become overbearing.

While its understandable that having a boyfriend to be around would normally negate any feelings of loneliness, you have to remember that long distance relationships are different! For LDR couples, there’s always a lingering feeling of loneliness, and there’s really huge limit on what you can do together. So, your boyfriend cannot completely solve your loneliness issues. That dilemma is something you’re going to have to fix (for the most part) on your own.

But don’t worry, I’ve got your back. Here’s some things you can do to beat loneliness when your boyfriend isn’t around to keep your spirits up:


1. Create a more involved schedule of activities with your boyfriend. See if you guys can’t up the amount of date nights, games or movies you watch each week or month. Timezones are difficult, but they most certainly can be worked around successfully. Try to make the most of the time you do get to spend together so that each occasion feels like you did something special besides just talking or skyping like you always do.

P.S. You might like this World Chat Clock that helps make scheduling across different timezones much easier!


2. Develop a new hobby. Do you like taking photos? Or do you admire someone who does? Have you always enjoyed cooking or organizing or making videos? Why not indulge yourself in those hobbies more often when you find yourself with free time. Developing a hobby can fill voids in time when you can’t be with your partner. You would be shocked at how quickly time passes once you’ve found something you can really get into.


3. Volunteer Somewhere! They say that when you focus more on helping other people, you have less time to focus on yourself. Or animals, whatever floats your boat. You’ll gain so much when you give of yourself to others, and honestly you’ll most likely make new friends along the way too! Visit your local animal shelter and offer to take the dogs for a walk. Help serve someone a meal at the local soup kitchen. Bake a cake for your grandma! Run an errand for someone you know. Or visit with an elderly person in a nursing home.


4. Pursue your dreams. Ever wanted to write a best-selling novel? Or an award winning song? Or maybe you dream of YouTube fame, or recognition on Instagram. Maybe you want to pursue a degree, or start your own business. Bring things into your life that will make you feel like you are productive, and I promise you’ll feel so accomplished that there will be no room for you to feel lonely!

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The bottom line is you can’t rely on your boyfriend to be your save-all, cure-all for happiness, loneliness and anything else. You should be the source of your own happy, and doing the things above will help you to accomplish that inner sense of completeness.

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