Dear Mind Over Miles,
I have been in a LDR for nearly 6 years and both of us are on a low income because we are students. Our romance started on blackberry messenger though a mutual friend of ours that wanted us to date because she was dating his friend. He is from the Caribbean and I am from England.
Fast-forward to early this year, he booked his ticket to see me in England. The biggest problem we had to face was immigration. They denied him entry into the UK thinking he had intentions to live here. So they sent him to a immigration detention centre for two days until they could send him back. I was able to see him for 4 hours and his eyes still lit up to see me and he still held me like he said he was. Basically had our first meet and first kiss in a prison 🙁
That messed with his head a lot when he returned to the Caribbean. He vowed never to come back to the UK because of how they treated him and he broke up with me saying our situation was too hard. At this point I felt bad and I didn’t want to hold him back, so I agreed to end it. That was the longest 3 days of my life. He messaged me after ending it saying how much he is hurting and that he can’t move on. It took a week for us to resolve our problem and become a couple again. After what happened early this year we have agreed that I will fly out to him in March 2016.
However, we FaceTimed today and I asked if he was fed up of us and he said yes. He has been thinking about breaking up with me everyday but he doesn’t want to because we are so good together. Since he is going back to university his course will be 3 years and I’m in university where my course is 3 years as well. He proposes rather than breaking up again that I still come over in March to see if he can handle waiting.
Honestly, I’m so hurt and confused. I have so many questions that people who are not in my situation can help me with, The most I get from my mother and friends is to move on. It is hard to move on from someone who is really your other half and the only problem we have is distance. If you have any advice or kind words I’m more than willing to listen because I really need it.
Hope to hear from you soon,
-Sandy
Dear Sandy,
No one can tell you whether or not you two should stay together. It’s up to you both to decide if you can handle the challenge of being in an LDR for another 3 years. Since you’ve already been in a long distance relationship for 6 years you know the challenges. So only you know if you have the strength to maintain this relationship.
Make sure you are both in it for long haul
When you’re in an LDR, you absolutely have to be committed. You have to be sure that this person is the one that you want and that no obstacle will stop you from reaching your goal of being together. Talk to your boyfriend and set attainable relationship goals together.
Start saving money.
Is the glass half empty or half full? You can think of the next 3 years as an obstacle, or you can think of them as an opportunity. Think of it this way, you have 3 years to save up enough money to close the distance. So if you both aren’t already working, get part-time jobs. If you already have work, then make a budget together so that you both can start saving a set amount every month. Is being with your beloved worth giving up imported chocolates or some other luxury?
Research visa laws.
What happened during his first visit was unfortunate, to say the least. But that doesn’t have to happen every time you two visit each other. Even if he never goes to the UK again, you don’t want a repeat of that event when you visit him in his country. So do your research before you book your flight. Find out about visa laws and how to properly apply for the appropriate visa before you make plans to visit another country.
Long distance relationships require hard work and sacrifice.
It’s not going to be a walk in the park, but if you really want to be together you will do whatever it takes. This will mean compromising and sacrificing. It’s up to you to decide if you want to invest this much in your relationship. But it’s like they say, nothing good ever came easy.
Wishing you the best,
