Dear Mind Over Miles,
My mother is very strict and will not help financially when it comes to meeting my boyfriend. We’re both adults but financially dependent. How do I persuade her that this is for the best?
I’m sorry to hear that your mother will not assist you in meeting your boyfriend. Many long distance couples experience disapproval from their parents about their relationships, so this is not uncommon.
I understand your need to meet your boyfriend, since that is a very big step in an LDR and something everyone hopes for -whether it’s for the first time or just for a visit.
However, while you may be excited to cross that great bridge to meeting the love of your life, it’s important for you to understand that the decision to be in this relationship is purely yours. Therefore your mother is not obligated to assist you financially in meeting him.
The bottom line is, if you are adult enough to choose to be in a long distance relationship, both you and your boyfriend should be adult enough to maintain it in all aspects – emotionally and financially. If this is something you cannot do on your own, maybe it’s time to reevaluate the potential longevity of your relationship.
Expecting your mother to pay to maintain a relationship she is not part of, or may not even approve of, is unfair to her since her money is something she has worked hard to earn. She has the right to decide how she uses that money.
And if your intention is to gain your mother’s approval of the relationship, you will hardly accomplish that by trying to force her to pay your way into his arms.
While it may not be exactly what you would like to hear, the best thing you can do is work to maintain your relationship on your own. Save up money, find ways to make extra cash -and your boyfriend can do the same on his end. Work hard for your own relationship. The very best, most rewarding things in life are attained when we work hard to get them.