Mind Over Miles: Should I Choose My Career Or Love?

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Dear Mind Over Miles,

We had been friends for years before but something was different and I went for it. I have also just started a job in commercial real estate, which will take about 2 years to really get things going. I’m working with my dad and can see potential greatness in this career, but only if I stay in the city I am in currently.

She has also just started school as well as a job so it is looking like we may only see one another once a month…if we are lucky. It is a little less than 5 hours to go drive and see her, my job allows me to create my own schedule but still does not make it any easier.

Should I leave my support system (family and friends), a potentially lucrative career and a city where I am incredibly comfortable for a big unknown? Finally, if we are only able to see each other sporadically, how long can I realistically expect this relationship to last throughout the distance?

Obviously, everyone is different in how they feel, but generally speaking is there any sort of magic number for months or years where the LDR feelings start to fade and people start to look elsewhere for the comforts once provided by their long distance lover?


Dear Matt,

It sounds like you feel like you have to choose between your career and your relationship.

So the real question is, which is more important to you? Some put their everything into advancing their career and are left with little time for relationships. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Single and working in commercial real estate? Or in a long-term relationship and working in a less lucrative profession?

Live with no regrets.

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The truth is that nothing in life is guaranteed. Something unexpected could affect your profession. One the other hand, there is no way to be sure that a relationship will last. So it’s important that when all is said and done, you have no regrets and went after what you truly wanted.

Now, you didn’t mention whether or not she is willing to relocate to your area. Have you two talked about this? It might be possible for you two to close the distance after she finishes school.

Always be honest with your partner about your feelings.

Now as far as “magic numbers” in LDR’s. They don’t exist. Every LDR couple is different and every individual person is. That’s why communication is so important in a long distance relationship. Always talk openly about your feelings and have regular relationship check-ups to make sure your relationship is healthy. A healthy relationship constantly grows and changes in response to you and your partner’s needs.

 

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