Mind Over Miles: Why Does She Avoid Physical Affection When I Visit Her?

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Dear Mind Over Miles,

We’ve been in an LDR for 6 months until now. She meets me every two months. When I ask for a kiss, hug or for personal time when we’re together she makes a reason to avoid it. What should I do? Is this a preferable relationship? Because after every two months I get the chance to see her and to feel her but can’t. I don’t wanna leave her but want to find a solution to this. Please give me some advice.

– Saurabh


Dear Saurabh,

Do you think there is a reason she may not want to get physical? Is it something in her past? I would ask her about it. Ask her if something is bothering her or there is a reason she is not ready to be physical.

Some couples need more time before getting physical.

Some couples need more time before getting physical.

Be sensitive to her reasoning and answers. She may just need some more time before getting physical. Ask her what would help her to feel more comfortable and respect her feelings on the matter.

For many girls, getting physical is a really big deal. If you show her respect, sensitivity and understanding this may show her that she can trust you with her feelings and help bring you all closer.

Also, since you have only seen each other about 3 or 4 times, she may still need time to get physically comfortable around you. In a relationship that isn’t LDR, a few days together usually isn’t enough for a girl to feel comfortable getting physical.


Dear Saurabh,

I agree with the advice above as well, but want to add another point! Sometimes when my long distance boyfriend would come to visit me I would feel SO NERVOUS touching, holding or kissing him. Something about finally having him back in the same room with me gave me unending jitters and I just wasn’t comfortable touching or being touch too often until I had settled down a bit.

So maybe your girlfriend is experiencing something similar. Everyone deals with stress and new situations differently. So while some couples can “Get down to business” relatively fast every time they visit, some others have to ease into it slowly since being apart has made being together outside of their usual comfort zone.

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Bottom line is definitely having a discussion with her to see what’s up and why she’s feeling so nervous about physical intimacy with you.


Dear readers, what words of advice would YOU share with Saurabh? Share your advice in the comments below!

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1 comment

Khandiie April 29, 2015 - 1:52 pm

I can possibly explain where she might be coming from…
My s/o would come visit for a day or two max, once a month.
I was very lucky to actually get to spend a week with him, but every time we were around each other, I couldn’t eat like normal.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, i have a formidable appetite, McDonalds hamburgers are a SNACK. But any time i am near him, i take tiny bites, and chew forever and am so self conscious and worrying about if he can hear me chewing or swallowing or if i’m eating too much or eating rudely. All of this worry swirls around in my head while he is there across the table literally breathing in his food. And i’m sitting there taking mouse bites. I would purposefully order the cheapest, simplest thing on the menu, and still not be able to fully finish it. We would be in restaurants for more than an hour, he having finished his meal well before me, and i would be still eating, yelling and screaming at myself in my head because i was now boring him. BUT! on his last trip here i actually managed to eat more and a bit quicker, so hope is on the horizon. So what i’m saying with all this craziness is that maybe even though she may seem calm and cool and collected and chill with you, possibly, inside, she might be nervous and fighting herself. It may not be very visible, but possibly, its possible. I mean, she may be still getting used to being around you, seeing as your in a L-D relationship and all, every time she gets to be near you is possibly a whole new thing. It s like getting used to a person all over again.
The thing that i think that helped me is noticing that he DOESN”T CARE. My s/o doesn’t play with his food, so i eventually learned to just eat, calm down and eat. I would suggest asking her to tell you somehow whenever she she’s comfy(if nervousness is the cause). That way you’ll know when she comfy enough for the luvvin’ up, and eventually you’ll be able to tell, and after a while she’ll get comfy with you easier and earlier.

p.s. i was/am also like that with him.
I’d cheekily refuse to kiss him for a while until he was complaining and trying to steal kisses. But the more comfy i get with him, the more i’m warming up to his affection(but sometimes i’m just a tease 😉
i hope this helped!! 🙂

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