When your visit ends; How to cope with being separated yet again

by LDR Mag
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It’s your last day together and everything feels like you’re counting down to those last few moments before everything about what made this trip wonderful ends.

Everything becomes the last time. The last kiss, the last hug, and the last time you hold hands. It can be a really sad and emotionally draining moment for the both of you. As you continue to meet and up until the time when you can be together permanently, you will say many goodbyes.

Most couples in long distance relationships say that it never gets easier to say goodbye. Some even say it feels like it gets harder. Regardless, saying goodbye is something we sometimes all wish we would never have to do.

What can you do to make saying goodbye easier? Here are a few tips that might make all the difference.

Plan for your next trip.

Before you leave, if possible, arrange for the next time you will both meet-up. Knowing that your separation is not open ended and having a date to look forward can be like a little glimmer of hope. You’ll have something better to focus on. Instead of thinking only about the fact that you’re leaving, you can think positively as you start to countdown to the next time you will both be together.

Contact your loved one as soon as you can after you leave.

Call them on the phone, text them, email them or have a video chat the minute you both get home. Getting in contact with the person you love soon after you’ve left them will solidify the relationship in your own mind and will put your loved one’s mind at ease knowing that you care about them and most importantly -that you are safe.

Say everything.

Don’t leave things unsaid. Everything is better when you say it face to face. Don’t be afraid to tell them your feelings before you leave. If you love them or will miss them, tell them! Never leave your loved one while in the middle of an unresolved fight or argument. Leaving in this way will cause you both a lot of pain and regret.

It’s okay to cry.

Imagine how odd it would be if both of you were blank faced and emotionless during your goodbyes. It’s normal to be sad when you leave someone you care about. Don’t bottle up your feelings. Remember that it’s okay to cry. Crying relieves you of those powerful emotions and shows the other person that you truly care for them and regret that you have to leave.

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Make your final moments worth remembering.

Leave on a happy note. Tell each other how you feel, how happy the trip made you and anything else you need to say. Exchange gifts on the last day that neither of you can open until you’re apart. A CD of happy songs that remind you of him. A box of small items to remind her of you. A journal you wrote in describing how you felt on every day of your visit. A scrapbook of photos you took while together. Things like these will make your departure a sweet one because you’ll have happy things to look at and remember. There may still be some tears, but at least they’ll be happy ones.

Stay Active

Make sure you don’t start living the life of a hermit when you return home. It can be a bit of a shock to return home after having such a wonderful time together. You may be inclined to mourn or lock yourself away because of the toll saying goodbye may have taken on you. At this point it’s important for you to stay active. Dwelling on your sadness is the worst possible thing you can do. Don’t stop your life. The sadness you feel will fade much faster if you stay active with friends, family or the things you love.

Everything will be okay.

Sometimes staying active just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes you need to change your mental perspective on your situation. Instead of thinking of your separation as a permanent “goodbye,” try to think of it as though you both said “See you again soon.” As much as it hurts to not have the person you love with you, remember that you were already separated before this and you both handled it fine. You were strong enough to make it this long apart and you are still strong enough to deal with the same separation now.

Remember how fortunate you are.

Sometimes we focus on what we don’t have and don’t pay attention to beautiful things we do have. Stop and reflect on how great your relationship is and never let the fact that you are separated cloud your view of what’s really important.

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7 comments

Steph June 27, 2017 - 3:25 am

So I’ve been in a LDR for about almost 4 years now and it’s been extremely difficult because I for the longest time would be the one to go visit him and finally this past week he went out and came to see me and went camping with me and then I went back with him and stayed there for a while. Leaving is the worst feeling I have ever felt. The one thing I’m going through now are the stages of grief with my emotions I’m feeling and there so uncomfortable to go through espically the anger part because I know for a fact my anger isn’t with him yet I wanna lash out and get mad at him for laughing and being happy but I know deep down that me being angry isn’t because he’s happy it’s because I’m having a hard time coping and not wanting to feel this way then seeing him happy makes me aggravated because that’s what I want and it sorta makes me jealous but I know I have to keep in mind that the goodbye is only temporary but the pain still sticks. I just got back yesterday from being with him for 10 days and it always takes me close to two weeks to feel better but a full two months to actually be myself again. Each time a trip comes up I actually start to feel like I don’t wanna go because of the pain I go through at the end when I have to leave and I’m not as excited as I used to be when I’d leave to go visit him. Then I dread leaving two to three days before my actual departure day. It’s a constant battle but I only have 4 more months to go through this and then I can finally be with him the way I have longed for ever since I knew he was my soulmate. LDRS are extremely difficult but if you love your significant other the way I love mine, no pain, no heart ache and no grief could ever stop you from being with the one you waited years to be with. It’s always worth it in the end

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Emily January 3, 2018 - 2:35 am

Can I have an update? I’m currently laying in bed with my SO who I spent 2 weeks with for Christmas. It’s the last night and I’m incredibly heartbroken because I know tomorrow is going to be tough leaving him for another few months. It feels like a heartbreak over and over again.

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Hollis February 11, 2018 - 11:31 pm

Wow. Every word is so spot on with how I am feeling!! For some reason this goodbye has been the hardest one yet. I think because the trip was so short and like you said I sometimes dread it Bc it is such a world wind of emotions seeing him then knowing I have to say bye a day or two latter. The up and down emotions of a short visit takes me a while to settle and level out properly. I also think this trip was so hard because he is so grateful and positive for any time we spend together and I’m bawling my eyes out and in so much pain. It is really nice to see I am. Or alone!

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Rachel September 25, 2017 - 9:37 am

Great article. Going to need this advice in less than 6 months time till I meet the love of my life finally in person! Thank you !

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sydney April 3, 2018 - 5:12 pm

i live in canada and my mother lives in china , she came for a visit of 2 month and she just left today . i been very sad because she usually she is very strict on cleaning and i don’t like to clean , when she left it feels like half of my life is gone.. every time i walk into the house after work i just think where she would be and what she would do , that makes me very sad. The reason she can’t come for long is because she works for the radio.

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Carli April 14, 2018 - 2:30 am

Yesterday I had to leave my soulmate and encourage him to go otherwise he’d have missed his flight. He is still on the plane and I’m currently sitting here on my couch, full of pain. It feels like a heartache at its worst. I know i need to be strong for the next 8 months but I have already forgotten his smile, his hugs and laugh. Im constantly on the verge of crying so instead I clamp down every emotion and my face is in a constant state of nothingness. It’s so friggin hard.

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Pate October 3, 2018 - 2:57 pm

Ive been in a LDR for almost 2 years. I live in America and he lives in Ireland. Yesterday was our 6th good bye. He came to me for 2 months (which is the longest we’ve ever been together physically) and it was so perfect but now that he is gone and it’s like he was never even here and all I can do is cry. I haven’t stopped crying since my 4 hour ride home from the airport. I do not think it ever gets easier, if anything it gets harder and harder. But if you love them, it’ll all work out.

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