What’s your love language? What is a love language?
The Five Love Languages was a book written by Gary Chapman, in which he breaks down the ways in which couples show their love. Five ways, to be exact. These love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. You can read more about the love languages and even take a free quiz to find out what your top two love languages are here!
The interesting thing about the love languages is people tend to express their love through the languages in which they like to receive love. For example, if one person feels loved through words of affirmation, that person will show their love the same way. However, if that person’s partner feels loved most through receiving gifts, then words of affirmation won’t have the same powerful effect as with the first person.
LDRs have a tricky task with some of the love languages and a great advantage with others. Here are the pros and cons of each love language for those in a long distance relationship.
Words of Affirmation
Pro: Easy to accomplish with the majority of interaction being through text and talking. This love language is really the bread and butter of an LDR.
Con: There really isn’t one! This is a great love language to have if you’re in an LDR.
Acts of Service
Pro: Doing something for your S/O in an LDR often takes a lot of sacrifice or planning, such as making a trip or carving out nights to talk. In an LDR, every act of service is meaningful and worth the work. One might even say making the commitment to even be in an LDR is an act of service in itself.
Con: The idea is that “actions speak louder than words,” and unfortunately, many LDRs don’t have the luxury of just actions. While any acts of service are really significant, they may have to be few and far between, leaving the person who has this love language feeling unfulfilled.
Pro: A natural part of an LDR, and therefore a great love language for those couples. The ability for a tangible thing to be sent from your hands to theirs creates a connection between the two of your, and the thoughtfulness goes a long way.
Con: Some gifts can be expensive (flowers, jewelry). Sometimes people are really hard to buy for. And gifts may seem frivolous when you’re always saving up for a plane ticket.
Pro: Because of the nature of LDRs, it’s hard to waste time. Talking on the phone or video chat demand full attention. And of course, when you’re together you relish every single moment.
Con: For some, quality time includes being face to face. Therefore, it may only count when the couple is together. And while texting is great for all day communication, you may not have your partner’s full attention during that digital conversation.
Pro: The only pro for this love language is when you finally get to carry it out when you’re together on visits!
Con: This is probably the hardest love language to have in an LDR. The instinct to hold, hug, or kiss your partner simply has to be suspended until you can be together. Just tough it out and savor that first embrace you get every time you’re reunited.
I encourage you and your partner to take the love languages quiz. You may learn a lot about each other (and even have an a-ha moment), and then consider how you might need to substitute different ways of showing love if your love language isn’t the most compatible with long distance relationships. Good luck!
Also check out these similar posts to see how YOU best deal with being in an LDR:
Are you the Innie or Outie of your LDR? | The 10 Commandments of Long Distance Relationships