Mind Over Miles: How Can I Get Her Back?

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Dear Mind Over Miles,

I was very happy in my LDR with the girl of my dreams. We were together for 5 months and we met in person a few times and it was great. I love her but she recently broke up with me. She she said that things have changed and our relationship is not like it was month ago.

Well I’m really sad now. I’ve gone through so much and made so many sacrifices to be with her and then she does something like this. I must add that for about one month we hit a rough patch in our relationship.  I was feeling like she had time for everything but me. I told myself that it would be temporary because she just needs time to improve her grades.

I love her, she said to me that she is missing me a bit, but now she hasn’t talked to me since November. What should I do now? I have written a letter to her, and I’m waiting until she receives it and reads it. I really love her. And I just want to get her back.
– Allan


 Dear Allan,

Try to understand what she’s going through.

Regardless of what her career goals are, she will need to do well in her schooling in order to succeed. It sounds like she is under a lot of pressure. She has a lot going on. She may feel like she just can’t do it all. A relationship can feel like just another thing to do when you don’t believe that your partner understands what you’re going through. You don’t want to be a dreaded chore, you want her to know you sympathize with her.

Be supportive and patient.

Learn how to handle your emotions in times of stress. If she is busy studying for an important test you don’t want to add to weight of what she’s going through. Distract yourself by finding something else to do. Tell her often that you are on her side supporting her goals. Offer to help when possible. It’s natural to want to be around someone who helps and supports you. So be the kind of man that she’ll want to be with.

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Respect her feelings and decisions.
No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t respect them. Being in a relationship with someone who has moved on is like staying at a party when everyone has turned the lights off and gone home. She has broken up with you for now and it’s important for you to accept and respect that. There’s nothing that you can do to change her mind. Only she can do that. Sending her letters and filling her inbox with messages will not make things better. That may even make things worse. Respect her decision to end things with you and try to focus on yourself and your goals. Instead of obsessing over how to get her back, focus on self-improvement. And who knows? She might come back to you one day and say she wants to be with the new and improved man that you have become.

Wishing you the best,

Mind Over Miles


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