Dear Mind Over Miles,
I’ve been with my significant other for almost a decade. A couple years ago he was offered a new job with a much higher salary he accepted. This job moved him very far away from me though. At the beginning everything was fine but now I’m starting to feel confused because when he’s not here, I’m not sure about continuing our relationship, I don’t miss him like I used to. I do feel alone, especially when our anniversaries for certain things come up and he can’t be there. I know he wants to but it’s too far.
I have told him many times about how I feel and he says he’s trying to get a job in a closer place. He is a great guy. He treats me very well and he’s always saying nice things to me, he’s always showing me and everyone we know how much he loves me. Whenever we are together it’s magical and we have a great time together. I’m very confused because I don’t know if I’m bored or what!! I miss him but I’m just so confused. Should we break up or continue trying?
-Candy
Dear Candy,
It sounds like you two have a great relationship but since you’ve only been LDR for two years, you’re still learning how to maintain your relationship in spite of the distance What you want to know is how to transition from CDR to LDR to keep your relationship alive. Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder. Relationships need to be nurtured and cared for as much as a plant needs water and sun to stay alive.
Think outside the box.
Being far away from your significant other doesn’t mean that you can’t still have fun together and enjoy quality time, it simply means that you have to be a little more creative. There are many activities that you can enjoy together from a distance.
Like Skype date nights, open when letters, talk about your LDR goals for closing the distance, etc… If you are having trouble finding the funds try applying for an LDR fund or come up with a budget and savings plan so that you can visit each other more frequently or even close the distance sooner. Play text games throughout the day to keep connected. Watch movies together. Send gifts. Plan a surprise now and then to spice things up. Try doing something new together.
Stay committed.
When you start to feel bored or insecure about your relationship, stop right there. Think about what drew you to him in the first place. What was the first thing you noticed about him that made you go wow! Remind yourself of why you want to be with this person and how you would feel if you lost him. Think about how he has positively impacted your life. Remembering why you love the person you are in a relationship with will help you to strengthen your commitment and motivate you to work harder on your relationship.
Wishing you the best,
