Hey, I’ve been in an LDR for 3 years now. I recently remembered when my bf and I started talking he said that “Bob” wasn’t his real name and that when we’ll meet then he’ll say it to me.
We haven’t met yet and I already asked him if “Bob”was his real name and he said that it was, that everyone called him Bob. I still haven’t asked him why he said that 3 Years ago. We video-called endless times so I know hes real.
The last couple of days he has been getting online and sending short messages and then getting offline again. I dont know if he has internet in Philippines. Today I asked him if “Bob” was his real name and he didn’t reply and within minutes he disconnected. I was really upset and hurt so I wrote things that I know it will hurt him, then I blocked and removed him.
Now I don’t know what to do anymore. Shall I apologize? Do I keep trying? I really need help, my friends tell me it’s better to leave him because he doesn’t even care about me and that he treats me bad, which is true. Sometimes, he does not behave right with me; by ignoring me and hiding some things too.
What shall I do? Help please.
-Fer
Dear Fer,
This relationship is not healthy for you or anyone and has been since day one. There are several alarms that go off in your story of your relationship, things that should never take place in a relationship with someone you’ve met online.
When you first started talking, he started your relationship off with a lie. Not just any lie, a lie about something so simple too: His name. There really should have been no reason to lie about it unless he was hiding something. Anyone who goes into a relationship withholding information about themselves is someone who has many more things to hide about themselves from you.
Online relationships are already dodgy as it is and can be very dangerous. If anyone is openly hiding information about themselves from you, what are they hiding from you behind closed doors? Red lights should be going off in your mind that this person is either not looking for something serious, is leading a double life, or is not really who they say they are. All things that do not go hand in hand with a healthy, stable, real relationship.
It’s also important to note that just because the person you webcam with is the person you see in the photos they may send you, or is consistently available to webcam does not mean that the story behind that person is a real one.
A person online can disguise themselves in every way except one and you’d never know it. They can tell you that their name is Bob, and send you real photos of themselves but lie about literally every other aspect of their lives to you. Webcams are a precaution, but not a guarantee, that someone is who they say they are. But you already had some evidence that he was not a 100% honest person, and that is where your suspicions should have begun and ended.
The next warning sign is that he frequently and randomly disconnects from chatting with you online. Have you ever thought about the possible reasons why? Its very easy to live one life online and another one in the real world. His random disconnections could mean anything from him not wanting to get caught by family or a spouse, to him not taking your relationship seriously -you could just be someone he flirts with online.
The next warning sign is that you openly admit that he does not treat you well and, ignores you and hides things from you. No good, healthy relationship can thrive in that sort of an environment. You may have been in a relationship with him for 3 years, but based on the information you’ve given me it sounds more like the shell of a relationship rather than a real one.
You deserve much better than someone who lies to you, hides things from you and frequently ignores you and leaves without a proper goodbye. Its time for you to reevaluate your relationship and take a real look at what you are and are not getting out of it and if this person really, truly does care for you.
