Dear Mind Over Miles,
P and I have been together for over a year. We broke up in summer 2014 as he was leaving for 2 semester abroad and ldr seemed unreasonable to him. He hooked up with 2 women over a span of 5 months but has come clean to me.
It seems like he really loves me, when we met he wrote a 2-page letter of apology to me, bought my mom a gift etc. When it was time for him to head back, he was once again confused if we should give ldr a shot or not.
We both are 22 but he has yet to stand up on his feet. Such a long, serious commitment freaks him out. I won’t be seeing him for another 5 months. I can’t live without him, and he has made a fair effort to maintain ldr.
Moreover, our cultures are different so it doesn’t seem like there will be a probable future. I know the answer is to break up, but I can’t imagine him nor myself with someone else. I love him, please advise.
It sounds like you two have been through lot and your relationship has taken many blows. Being in an long distance relationship is not easy. However, a long distance relationship can withstand fear, insecurity, and even infidelity in some cases. But there is one thing a long distance relationship cannot survive without. Commitment. It’s the glue that holds two people together.
Break ups don’t just happen when two people fall out of love. They also happen when two people love each other desperately but one or both of them are not fully committed to the relationship for whatever reason. In order for a relationship to last, two people have to be committed.
Now you mentioned that he is afraid of commitment. At this point you have three options. One, you can wait for him to overcome his fear and commit to you. Two, you can break up with him. Three, you can tell him that you need commitment to feel secure in your long distance relationship.
So, which option should you choose? That’s up to you. It really depends on you and your needs. It’s important that you are honest with your partner. And that’s something you can only do if you’re honest with yourself first. So explore your feelings and needs. Only you know what you can handle. Make the choice that is best for you.
I wish you the best,