5 Tips to Help You Deal With Setbacks in an LDR

When you’re in a long distance relationship, you’re going to experience many setbacks. Some will be like a little speed bump in the road, whilst others will feel like the Himalayas. The most important thing with these setbacks is not how big they are, but rather how you go about coping with them.

As an LDR couple that has been together for almost three years now, we have definitely had our fair share of them. Not to say that any of of our setbacks have been an easy ride to go through, but they haven’t been so tough that they would make us reconsider our choice of being together throughout our relationship.

Our Biggest Set Back

Our biggest setback – along with many other people’s experience has to be money. This was definitely the case when we first arranged to meet each other in person in 2012. We had planned it so that Davy would visit for Jane’s birthday of that year.

For the first time, we were pretty naïve organizing such a thing. We hadn’t really considered that we needed to book things way ahead of time, especially as the visit was to be in the summer – and prices are always twice as high during the summer season. Therefore, when Davy went to book things a few days before he was meant to arrive in Cornwall, we were all of a sudden up against a brick wall.

Jane lives in a rural part of England, where there aren’t any commercial airports, so the chances of Davy flying over were pretty much ruled out. We also considered getting him over by train from Holland, but the idea of that was seemingly impossible, as the prices were far too extortionate – and not just for traveling either. We also had to look for accommodation.

How We Dealt With It

Because of the obstacles facing us, we went to look for alternatives. By now, we knew Davy could not come over for Jane’s birthday in August so we looked towards our first year anniversary in October as our alternative. This time we made sure that, we were not so disorganized with the planning.

As a couple, we discussed different ways and means of making sure we could have that first ever meeting. There were times that tensions ran a little high, but we never argued over it – it wasn’t worth risking what we had just because of money getting in the way.

We eventually found a good coach company that was cheap, even if it did mean Davy would have to endure a 26hr coach journey. In the end, we got our first visit together! It only lasted 6 days and we were only able to stay in the same hotel room together for one of those nights. However, after everything we went through to get there, it was definitely worth the whole year waiting.

So what would be our five top tips to help with those big giant mean walls getting in the way of seeing each other?

• Don’t let it get between you

There may be many miles between you and your significant other right now, but it doesn’t have to get between you. Yes, a setback is tough to deal with but it isn’t the end of the world or your relationship. You can always find another way around the problem.

If it is a money issue that makes your visit not able to happen then talk it out. Discuss other ways you could do to make it happen. If one of you needs to take extra shifts at work to be able to make ends meet then the other will have to understand. It may mean slightly less talking but it’ll be worth it when you finally get to hold each other again.

• Try not to put the blame on one person

A relationship is a collaborative effort. Both of you need to contribute in order for it to make it work. If one of you starts to put all the pressure on your other half because they’re the one coming over, then you happen to have a setback, and you blame them for it – then it’s probably not going to work out.

You are two equals. There is no hierarchy in a relationship. Moreover, remember how you’d feel if you were being blamed for something that was out of your hands even though you tried your hardest to make the visit happen? You can always try again so try not to make your S/O feel like they are to blame.

• Plan, plan, plan

Planning is definitely key. Make sure you cover all the bases you need. How much will things cost? Will you need to pay for accommodation as well as food? Are you both going to pay towards the cost of the visit or is it one sided? Have you checked the best way to travel? What will you be doing during your visit? Will you need to pay to go out to places together?

These are all important questions you need to ask each other before you start considering booking. If you iron out all the details then it leaves less room for things to go wrong.

• Distract yourself from it

Sometimes all you need is just to have fun. If things are getting too tense between you then find other things to do. Watch a movie online together, read a book or perhaps listen to cheesy love songs together. Just anything that will distract you temporarily until things can be sorted out.