Being in an LDR means that you tend to compensate for not being with them whenever you can. This also means that they then become the sole occupier of your free time, which is understandable, but where does the priority list start and end?
One of the most important decisions in life, is whether you want to get married. Or go large on the meal. Or add guacamole. But that’s not the point, somewhat. The point is, the moment you decide that you want to settle down and get married, it’s a huge step. It’s also a step that isn’t necessarily for everyone either. However, if you throw in the fact that their girlfriend/boyfriend is thousands of miles away from you, it might change a few mindsets; but that could just be me. Who knows.
It’s safe to say that being in an LDR makes you plan for the future a lot more, and given some of the younger LDR’s, it might be earlier than you expected to, too!
So, how does an LDR affect your life decisions?
More importantly, is it for better or for worse? When you think of life decisions, you automatically think of the typical ‘big’ ones, like getting married or starting a family, as opposed to adding an extra side to your KFC meal.
However, said life decisions and their importance also depends on the individual too. At 18, choosing what university and major to study, is also a major life decision, but maybe the same decision at 40, won’t matter as much. The fact that a very high number of LDR’s are in their early to late teens, means that they have to make life decisions a bit sooner than they would have expected to.
The fact of the matter is, the desire to ‘close the distance’ means that couples are eager to do whatever it takes to be together ‘forever’. This desire means that the uni course doesn’t really matter anymore, as long as the location is close to their LDR partner, even studying gardening sounds interesting as long as the campus is a 5 minutes’ walk from them, right?
Although the desire to close the distance will play a heavy part in decision making, it’s also important to focus on yourself and your own goals. Yeah sure, being able to see them every weekend during term is nice and all, but think about the big picture, by choosing the move closer to them and rushing that part of your life, you might be rushing the relationship too.
You might be shaking your head, frowning your pretty brows and muttering under your breath at your screen, but hear me out. We’ve all done it, you go all out and order a new drink, the utter feel of guilt washing over you as you pay, the feeling that of betraying your favourite drink, with the silent ‘I’ll come back soon, I promise!’.
Then the silent ‘oh man, please taste good’ as the barista hands you your drink all the way to the polite ‘not bad’ head tilt and eyebrow raise as you know they’re secretly glancing over at you as you told them it’s a new drink choice. That’s exactly how it would feel; like forcing yourself to like the drink somewhat, because you’ve given up the chance to order your usual drink, as if you’ve put all your eggs in one basket.
The expectations is inevitable, you get along so well when you’re apart, it’ll only be 10 times better when you’re together right? After all, that is the end goal right? To be together ‘forever’. However, by altering your decisions to fit your LDR means that you really can’t afford for it to fail, for the LDR to not work out because, then what? You’ll be far away from home in a place you don’t know, doing a course you don’t really like.
At the end of it all, it might be worth it, at least you tried and you can go to sleep at night knowing that you did answer the big question of ‘what if?’
It’s completely normal to want to prioritise your partner over everything given the circumstances and all, but there should be a certain point where you do put yourself first, aswell as planning a future for both you and your partner.
Guest Post via @CrossingTheWorld