Dear Mind over Miles,

My girlfriend and I got together for a couple months before she had to fly overseas to study. We’re now 4000 miles apart and things have gotten very strained and difficult. We try our best to message and do video chats. But all that has started to feel hollow and meaningless. We started arguing and screaming at each other when we talk. Patience wears thin and tempers blow. She’s barely 2months into her studies and it’s going to be 4 long years.

How does one deal with that lack of physical intimacy and find more meaning from the more simple things? Thank you.


Dear Dreamcatcher,

You’re right in thinking that your relationship needs more intimacy. Lack of intimacy is a common relationship problem that even close distance couples struggle with. So how do you address this issue? The first step is understanding the meaning of intimacy. Intimacy means closeness and there are different kinds of intimacy. You can be physically close to someone everyday but feel alienated from them. You can talk for hours but never really say anything.

So what is the key to intimacy? Good communication. Sharing thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, opinions, and memories are great ways to share emotional intimacy that will bring you closer to your significant other. Sometimes it may be hard to initiate deep conversation, but there are a lot of resources out there to get the ball rolling. “Over The Line”, a free LDR E-Book of over 50 Word Games & Activities For Long Distance Couples can be a great tool to help you liven up your discussions.

Also, you can make use of technology to draw you closer by using apps that let you “touch” each other. You can keep things fun and fresh by playing online games. Also, there are now many couple apps like Avocado that allow you establish and experience a routine. Things like shared to-do lists, shared calendars, etc… So that you won’t miss out on those little moments that you cherish so much.