No one likes arguments, but they are inevitable in every relationship. Fighting is natural and even a necessary part of growing a relationship. You learn things about your partner and about yourself. Having an argument long distance can be tricky. Here are three things not to do in order to keep the relationship healthy.
- Do not hang up on them! There’s a unique form of anger that wells up when one has been hung up on. When things get heated, hanging up on someone may seem like the best way to prove a point or get the last word in, but then what? Hanging up on someone is hurtful and disrespectful. Being hung up on is jolting and leaves you helpless, incredulously staring at your phone. If an argument comes to the point that you both need a break, agree to end the call and think things over before talking about the issue again. Even saying, “I want to hang up on you” is better than actually doing it, for if the person on the other end of the phone is being unreasonable, it gives them a wake up call (no pun intended).
- Do not give them the silent treatment! This would be really easy to do in a long distance relationship, but it would also be pretty childish. If your partner said or texted something rude or mean, address it – don’t ignore it. If, by chance, you were the one to cause pain, pride may push you towards this option. Don’t take it! It will only hurt your partner and make things very awkward. And no one wants a relationship to end because of silence. Own up to your mistakes and keep communicating.
- Don’t let things go unresolved. Every couple has issues that will keep coming up, this is true for all relationships. But for the more pressing issues or deal-breakers, don’t just give up and leave the conversation. Keep talking. It’s so easy to push off the hard conversations in a long distance relationship because you don’t see each other face-to-face, but the faster you address the hard stuff, the easier it will get.
Finally, don’t give up! The first fight is hard, but once you get through it, you feel a little wiser. It’s almost good to get the first fight over with and know you can talk through an issue and come out better on the other side.
I have one more suggestion: Give them time to think about your arguments! Specially if you have a different culture background/ different religion..what ever. For me its always easyer if I have like 1 day to think about his arguments. Then I can decite what kind of compromis I can accept or how we can arrange a way. Not giving someone the time they need will only lead to a whole evening of discussion without a good result for both sites.
Those are awesome suggestions Lotte, thanks for sharing your thoughts!