No one likes arguments, but they’re inevitable in every relationship. Fighting is natural and even necessary for growth. Through disagreements, you learn more about your partner and yourself. However, arguments in a long-distance relationship (LDR) come with their own unique challenges. Here are eight things NOT to do to keep your relationship healthy:


1. Don’t Hang Up on Them

There’s a unique form of anger that wells up when someone hangs up on you. It may seem like the best way to prove a point or get the last word, but it’s hurtful and disrespectful. Being hung up on is jolting and leaves the other person helpless, staring at their phone in disbelief.

If things get too heated, agree to end the call calmly, saying something like, “I think we both need some time to cool off. Let’s revisit this later.” Even saying, “I feel like hanging up right now” is better than actually doing it. It gives the other person a chance to recognize the intensity of the situation.


2. Don’t Give Them the Silent Treatment

It might feel easy to ignore your partner when you’re upset, especially in an LDR, but it’s childish and counterproductive. If your partner said or texted something hurtful, address it directly instead of shutting them out.

If you were the one in the wrong, don’t let pride push you toward silence. It will only hurt your partner further and create unnecessary awkwardness. Relationships require communication, so own up to your mistakes and keep the dialogue open.


3. Don’t Leave Things Unresolved

Every couple has recurring disagreements, it’s normal. But for serious issues or deal-breakers, don’t sweep them under the rug. Pushing off hard conversations is tempting in a long-distance relationship since you’re not face-to-face, but unresolved problems have a way of festering.

Commit to addressing the tough stuff head-on, even if it takes time. The sooner you tackle these conversations, the stronger your relationship will be.

Related: How To Overcome Online Arguments in an LDR


4. Don’t Involve Others in the Fight

When emotions run high, it’s tempting to vent to a friend or family member. While having someone to confide in is important, involving others in your fight can backfire. They might take sides, misunderstand the situation, or hold a grudge against your partner long after you’ve resolved the issue. Keep the argument between you and your partner unless professional help is needed.


5. Don’t Play the Blame Game

Fights can quickly escalate when both sides are focused on assigning blame instead of finding solutions. Avoid phrases like, “This is all your fault!” or “You always mess things up!” These statements are unproductive and hurtful. Instead, focus on “I” statements that express your feelings without attacking your partner, like, “I felt hurt when this happened.”


6. Don’t Dismiss Their Feelings

Invalidating your partner’s emotions by saying things like, “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not a big deal,” can make them feel unheard and disrespected. Even if you don’t fully understand their perspective, acknowledge their feelings and try to empathize. Saying something like, “I can see this really upset you. Let’s work through it together,” shows you care about their feelings.


7. Don’t Use the Fight as Leverage

Bringing up past arguments or holding a fight over your partner’s head to win future disagreements is toxic. Every conflict should be addressed, resolved, and left in the past. Avoid statements like, “Well, remember last time you did this?” Focus on the current issue and work toward a solution without weaponizing past mistakes.


8. Don’t Give Up

The first fight in an LDR can feel overwhelming, but it’s an opportunity to grow. Working through disagreements and finding solutions will make your relationship stronger. Resist the urge to give up or see arguments as signs of failure. Instead, view them as steps toward better understanding and deeper connection.

Related: The ABCs of Healthy LDRs


Fighting in a long-distance relationship isn’t easy, but it’s a part of any healthy partnership. By avoiding these eight common pitfalls, you can keep your relationship strong and navigate disagreements with love and respect.

What’s your go-to advice for handling fights in an LDR? Share your thoughts below!