Dear Mind Over Miles,
I’ve been with my long distance bf for 10 months. My mom, brothers and my few friends (they are very close friends) know about him, but on his side his family has no idea I exist. He says a couple of his friends know but I highly doubt it. I’m tired of being a secret and I’m tired of the distance.
He doesn’t try to do things for me, most times I have to ask him for skype dates (he barely talks, he doesn’t even try and when I ask him to tell me something he just says I love you.) I ask him to play with me little games, I send him cute pics that express my feelings towards him but he never does these kinds of things. He doesn’t ask me questions.
I’m bored and tired and I want to break up but at the same time I don’t. But I want to and I don’t know how to. I’ve lost complete interest, I no longer feel in love with him. I don’t know what to do! Should I try and rekindle our relationship or just break up? I love him but that spark we had its missing 🙁
– MentallyUnstable
Dear MentallyUnstable,
Being in ANY relationship requires that 3 basic things be present: Honesty, Give & Take, and Love. Without these 3 basic things being present, everything in that relationship will fall apart.
Your situation worries me, since you’ve already stated that all 3 of these things are missing from your relationship! You don’t feel that your boyfriend is being honest about your relationship -with you or his friends and family. You don’t feel that your boyfriend puts as much effort into your relationship as you do, so there’s little or no give and take. And you no longer feel in love with him.
You must acknowledge that if you feel this negatively about your boyfriend and your relationship with him, then you are already headed to disaster. While no one can or should ever tell you to break up with someone you care about (that has to be your choice) what I can tell you is that relationships are supposed to be fun, exciting and enjoyable. It shouldn’t cause you to feel unhappy, or like you’re working too hard to maintain it.
10 months is a long time to be in a committed relationship with one single person, so it can be scary to break free from someone you’ve loved for so long even when you know deep down that the relationship is no longer happy or satisfying for you.
It might be a good idea for you to review our article 10 Signs it’s time to end your Long Distance Relationship to see if maintaining this relationship will really be worthwhile for you in the long term. In the meantime, have a serious talk with your boyfriend and let him know how you’re feeling and see what he has to say on the matter.
May 17, 2015 at 2:32 pmIt is unfortunate that your relationship is like that. I have been in my LDR for 10 months and we are constantly talking. Have to talked to your S/O about your concerns? I feel that if he hasn’t shown you interest or even care, then it would be best to end it. It is really concerning that his family doesn’t know about you, I think for your sake and emotions I would end it. Why waste your time when you are receiving nothing in return? Be honest with yourself and follow your intuition!