Dear Mind Over Miles,
We’ve been in an LDR for 1 year and 2 months and have visited each other & met each others families. But now he’s starting to talk about how he is feeling too insecure about us. He said it’s not because of me, but he has things on his mind a lot. I’m so scared and don’t know what to do.
We tried to talk about it and he cried. It’s the first time he’s ever cried in front of me and he said he feels messed up and doesn’t want to put me in an awkward position. He said he can’t and won’t leave me, but I still feel like he’s acting weird. What should I do? I really want to keep this relationship. Please help!
-Ply
Dear Ply,
Sounds like your boyfriend is going through a very hard time. While you didn’t give us any specifics, what we can say is that based on the information given us your boyfriend needs your support now more than ever.
It’s not very clear whether or not you’re aware of the issue or problem that your boyfriend is facing however this would be a great time for the two of you to have a real serious talk about some of the things that are on his mind and what exactly is making him feel insecure about your relationship.
The truth is if he’s dealing with a lot of difficulties in life his insecurity may not be directly caused by the relationship but could be affecting the way he feels about your relationship all the same. That is why it’s so important for you to have a talk with him so that you can figure out what the problem is and if there’s any solution that the two of you can work out together.
When you sit down to talk have a goal in mind to identify each problem or concern that he has about your relationship and then to work out a solution for each problem. If you have to grab pen and paper to make sure that your discussion stays as focused as it should be on correcting the insecurities, it would be wise to do so.
If his insecurity is because of how long you will have to be far apart,this would be a good time to work out a plan of how or when you will close the distance. If his worries are financial, work together to find a way that you can both contribute financially to your end goal. And if his worries are not related to your relationship at all let him know that you will be there for him to support him and that while you are far apart he is not alone in dealing with the problem.
Following these steps will help you to save your relationship if it is crumbling. But you will not accomplish anything if you do not first know what his insecurities actually are.
Wishing you the best,
