When Your Visit Ends: How to Cope with Being Separated Yet Again
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It’s your last day together, and everything feels like a countdown to those final moments before your trip, full of love and happy moments, comes to an end.
Everything suddenly becomes “the last time.” The last kiss, the last hug, the last time you hold hands. It’s an emotionally draining and bittersweet time for both of you. As you continue to meet and up until the time when you can close the distance to be together permanently, you will say many goodbyes.
Most couples in long distance relationships say that it never gets easier to say goodbye. Some even say it feels like it gets harder. Regardless, it’s something we all wish we didn’t have to endure.
What can you do to make saying goodbye easier? Here are a few tips that might make all the difference:
1. Plan for Your Next Trip
Before you leave, if possible, arrange for the next time you will both meet-up. Knowing that your separation is not open ended and having a date to look forward can be like a little glimmer of hope. You’ll have something better to focus on. Instead of thinking only about the fact that you’re leaving, you can think positively as you start to countdown to the next time you will both be together.
Related: How to Plan Your First LDR Visit Successfully
2. Stay Connected Right After You Leave
As soon as you can, reach out to your loved one. Call them on the phone, text them, email them or have a video chat the minute you both get home. Getting in contact with the person you love soon after you’ve left will solidify the relationship in your own mind and will put your loved one’s mind at ease knowing that you care about them and most importantly -that you are safe.
Related: How To Have Dinner Dates At A Distance
3. Say Everything You Feel
Don’t leave things unsaid. Don’t hold back your emotions. Everything is better when you say it face to face. Don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel before you leave, whether it’s how much you’ll miss them or how much you love them. Never leave your loved one while in the middle of an unresolved fight or argument. Leaving in this way or saying goodbye with bitterness will only bring you both a lot of pain and regret.
4. Allow Yourself to Cry
Imagine how odd it would be if both of you were blank faced and emotionless during your goodbye. Goodbyes are emotional, and it’s completely normal to cry. Don’t bottle up your feelings, let those tears flow! They are a healthy way to release those powerful emotions and crying also shows your partner how deeply you care and how hard it is for you to leave.
Related: Staying Connected When You’re Apart: Strategies for Dealing with LDR Loneliness
5. Make Your Last Moments Special
Leave on a happy note. Tell each other how you feel, how happy the trip made you and anything else you need to say. Exchange gifts on the last day that neither of you can open until you’re apart.
A CD of happy songs that remind you of him. A box of small items to remind her of you. A journal you wrote in describing how you felt on every day of your visit. A scrapbook of photos you took while together. Things like these will make your departure a sweet one because you’ll have happy things to look at and remember. There may still be some tears, but at least they’ll be happy ones.
6. Stay Active When You’re Home
Returning home can feel like a shock after spending so much time together. Make sure you don’t start living the life of a hermit. It’s tempting to isolate yourself or dwell on your sadness, but it’s important for you to stay active. Dwelling on your sadness is the worst possible thing you can do. Don’t stop your life. The sadness you feel will fade much faster if you surround yourself with friends, dive into hobbies, or focus on work or school.
7. Shift Your Perspective
Sometimes staying active just doesn’t cut it. If you feel this way, try reframing how you think about the separation by changing your mental perspective on your situation. Instead of thinking of your separation as a permanent “goodbye,” try to think of it as a temporary “see you soon.”
As much as it hurts to not have the person you love with you, remember that you were already separated before this and you both made it through successfully. You were strong enough to make it this long apart and you are still strong enough to deal with the same separation now.
8. Focus on Gratitude
It’s easy to focus on what you’re missing, but don’t lose sight of the wonderful things you have. Stop and reflect on how great your relationship is and the memories you’ve created. Never let the fact that you are separated cloud your view of what’s really important. Feeling grateful for your connection can help you stay positive, even during the hardest moments.
9. Set In-Between Goals
Set some small goals to tackle while you’re both away from each other, like finishing a project, picking up a new hobby, or diving into something new. It’ll keep you motivated and give you some interesting things to chat about until it’s time for you to catch up again!
Related: How to Set Long Distance Goals in 6 Minutes
9. Talk About Long-Term Plans
Even if you can’t make changes right away, chatting about your future together can really help can help ease the pain of saying goodbye. Knowing you’re working toward a shared goal can make things feel a bit easier and bring you closer.
Related: How to Decide an End Date in a Long-Distance Relationship
10. Do More Together, Apart
After saying goodbye, make sure to give yourself some time to heal, but don’t go through it all solo: stay connected with your partner! Plan to send each other care packages that show up right after your visit. Fill them with little surprises like handwritten notes, favorite snacks, or mementos that mean something to you both.
You could also plan a virtual hangout, like watching a movie together, cooking the same meal, or even doing a guided meditation at the same time. Regular date nights, whether online or in person, can help you maintain the bond you felt when you were together and keep things feeling special and exciting.
These little things can help you work through your feelings, recharge, and remember that your relationship is still thriving, even if you’re apart!
So I’ve been in a LDR for about almost 4 years now and it’s been extremely difficult because I for the longest time would be the one to go visit him and finally this past week he went out and came to see me and went camping with me and then I went back with him and stayed there for a while. Leaving is the worst feeling I have ever felt. The one thing I’m going through now are the stages of grief with my emotions I’m feeling and there so uncomfortable to go through espically the anger part because I know for a fact my anger isn’t with him yet I wanna lash out and get mad at him for laughing and being happy but I know deep down that me being angry isn’t because he’s happy it’s because I’m having a hard time coping and not wanting to feel this way then seeing him happy makes me aggravated because that’s what I want and it sorta makes me jealous but I know I have to keep in mind that the goodbye is only temporary but the pain still sticks. I just got back yesterday from being with him for 10 days and it always takes me close to two weeks to feel better but a full two months to actually be myself again. Each time a trip comes up I actually start to feel like I don’t wanna go because of the pain I go through at the end when I have to leave and I’m not as excited as I used to be when I’d leave to go visit him. Then I dread leaving two to three days before my actual departure day. It’s a constant battle but I only have 4 more months to go through this and then I can finally be with him the way I have longed for ever since I knew he was my soulmate. LDRS are extremely difficult but if you love your significant other the way I love mine, no pain, no heart ache and no grief could ever stop you from being with the one you waited years to be with. It’s always worth it in the end
Can I have an update? I’m currently laying in bed with my SO who I spent 2 weeks with for Christmas. It’s the last night and I’m incredibly heartbroken because I know tomorrow is going to be tough leaving him for another few months. It feels like a heartbreak over and over again.
Wow. Every word is so spot on with how I am feeling!! For some reason this goodbye has been the hardest one yet. I think because the trip was so short and like you said I sometimes dread it Bc it is such a world wind of emotions seeing him then knowing I have to say bye a day or two latter. The up and down emotions of a short visit takes me a while to settle and level out properly. I also think this trip was so hard because he is so grateful and positive for any time we spend together and I’m bawling my eyes out and in so much pain. It is really nice to see I am. Or alone!
Great article. Going to need this advice in less than 6 months time till I meet the love of my life finally in person! Thank you !
i live in canada and my mother lives in china , she came for a visit of 2 month and she just left today . i been very sad because she usually she is very strict on cleaning and i don’t like to clean , when she left it feels like half of my life is gone.. every time i walk into the house after work i just think where she would be and what she would do , that makes me very sad. The reason she can’t come for long is because she works for the radio.
Yesterday I had to leave my soulmate and encourage him to go otherwise he’d have missed his flight. He is still on the plane and I’m currently sitting here on my couch, full of pain. It feels like a heartache at its worst. I know i need to be strong for the next 8 months but I have already forgotten his smile, his hugs and laugh. Im constantly on the verge of crying so instead I clamp down every emotion and my face is in a constant state of nothingness. It’s so friggin hard.
Ive been in a LDR for almost 2 years. I live in America and he lives in Ireland. Yesterday was our 6th good bye. He came to me for 2 months (which is the longest we’ve ever been together physically) and it was so perfect but now that he is gone and it’s like he was never even here and all I can do is cry. I haven’t stopped crying since my 4 hour ride home from the airport. I do not think it ever gets easier, if anything it gets harder and harder. But if you love them, it’ll all work out.
I’m at work and had to search for how to cope with saying goodbye to your partner and all that. i cried my eyes out in the morning when he dropped me off at work because i wasn’t ready to say goodbye after a week long visit that was accompanied by a marriage proposal. its a Monday and im hating every moment of being in the office, at the same time im dreading going to the house because he won’t be there when i return. Im stuck with an engagement ring and memories of his visit. im so devastated and i need about two full weeks to recuperate, God help me.